My Last Kill
by Bells of Tomorrow
Summary: JD's life as an assassin can finally come to an end when he completes his last assignment. This isn't a problem for said assassin, but what is a problem are the people he comes to care for in the process, one auburn haired man in particular. AU
1. Prologue

_**A/N:**__ Hey, guys! Well, I'm back with another story and really stoked. (Nervous, but stoked) So, alright – I recently held a poll on my profile as to what story you guys wanted to see from me next. Out of the whole selection "Surprise me," won. And then right after that "Another AU." Since another AU could also qualify as "Surprise me," I figured I'd go with that one. Never fear though – I _will_ be doing a sequel to "My Captain," (and more future!fics as well) I thought I'd play in another universe and explore some dynamics a bit before diving back into that one though, but I can assure you it's being worked on. Anyway, as mentioned in the above, this is definitely going to be AU. The idea is…different, to say the least, but I'll let you guys tell me if it's peeked your interest enough to keep on going, sound good? Also, I'm going to try _very hard _to update once a week, hopefully every Monday, but I am hesitant to make anything official this time, since school is around the corner. I feel it's only fair to tell you guys that beforehand._

_Anyway, enough out of me. Hope you enjoy the beginning! (And hope that you guys have had a good summer so far!)_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Prologue: **

He enjoys playing doctor.

It's his favorite imaginary game ever, and he plays it when Mommy is out with one of her new playmates, or when Dan is out with his cool friends from school, leaving him completely alone.

He hated it in the beginning, being left alone like that, as he was always more of a social child. And okay, maybe he still hates it a little, but he's learned to entertain himself; to partake in his crazy fantasies and make them become his own reality.

But as he wraps the toilet paper around his teddy bear's leg, he has to wonder – is this really such a crazy fantasy? Why can't he be a doctor? Wasn't it possible? Just the other day, his teacher was telling him and the rest of the class that they could grow up to be whatever it was they wanted to be. Didn't that make being a doctor a possibility as well?

"Medical school is really expensive," his mom had told him the night of his teacher's proposal.

"But I _really_ want to be a doctor, Mommy! I'll study really hard. And I'll save up too! And I'll even –"

"None of that matters, Johnny. We wouldn't be able to support you and you wouldn't be able to support yourself. …Sweetie, I'm sure you'd make a great doctor, but it's just not a realistic idea. Think of something else you'd like to do when you grow up. You still have time."

But as young Jonathan Doris gave his GI Joe a fake shot, he decided, for the first time ever, that his mother was wrong. It wasn't impossible. It wasn't unrealistic. He could be a doctor if he wanted to. He would make it happen.

He would grow up and help save lives.

--

John walked through the hallway, hands stuffed in his pockets and trying not to trip over his own two feet. He was nervous, very nervous, but he managed to only stumble once, causing a fellow co-worker to give him an eye roll. Of course, no one ever said anything about his clumsy nature. It was odd to come by, given their profession and all, but John was good at what he did, often referred to as the organization's "Golden Boy." So really, there was no need to make mention of his awkward personality. As long as it didn't affect his work, then what did it matter?

Of course, for as good as he was, he was still, no matter what anybody told him, human. Every person, assassin or no, had their flaws. John's flaw was one he had tried over and over to not let get to him; a flaw he had tried over and over to diminish. But during his last assignment, like the many, many ones before it, he had managed to once again get too close to those he had befriended in the process of his under cover mission. He was missing them already, but he was used to having to get over people. Still, it appeared the Superior had picked up on his sullen mood, not to mention the obvious mumblings that always circulated throughout the building whenever he returned from a mission. "Did you see John yet? Yeah, got back a while ago. Damn, he's good. Wasn't that supposed to be a six month mission? And how long did it take him…two and a half? Well, shit. At least I don't get so drawn to the people around me. Seriously, can you believe that guy? As talented as he is, he always comes back to this place sporting a full on pout. Kid's the golden boy around here, yet he can never seem to grasp the concept of not getting too close."

John swallowed. Oh yes, there was just no way the Superior had not heard those rumors. Still…it was odd that he was getting summoned so soon after his return. After all, they only got called in if they were being given another assignment, but this didn't usually happen so quickly after one was completed. The only other reason a person was called by the Superior was to be lectured on something they'd done wrong. Since John just got back yesterday, he had to assume it was the latter of the two, and while he had completed his last mission with ease, he was betting on being scolded for the sour look he'd been wearing since returning to their group.

The dark haired assassin stood quietly in front of his boss's door way, swallowing hard. He knew he wasn't in _trouble,_ trouble, but the man was still his superior, and no matter what the situation, a tongue lashing always made him feel ashamed of himself, especially when it was about things he should've been over by now.

John inhaled slowly before finally bringing his hand to the door and knocking "Sir…?"

"Come in, Mr. Doris."

Quietly, John opened the door, taking a look around the office he hadn't seen since departing for his last mission.

No matter how many times he entered the Superior's bureau, the setting never failed to creep him out. Books, all leather bound, lined the many ember cases that stood against the walls. This wasn't a particularly unusual thing to find in one's office, but the marionettes that hung from the ceiling or sat lifelessly on a shelf or two, all of them monstrous looking, always sent a small shiver down his spine.

Dear God, he killed people for a living, yet here he was: Afraid of puppets.

"Please have a seat, Mr. Doris."

John sat at once, nodding politely to his boss as he did so. "Thank you, Sir."

"Tell me," the older man started up, never one for beating around the bush, "How did your last mission go? You're back much quicker than expected. Not by me, of course. I always assume your return quicker than the given date. So there were no complications, I take it?"

"Not at all, Sir."

"And the pilot…did he suffer?"

"…I never make my target suffer, Sir. Even if they…even if they 'deserve' it. I just…I won't."

"It's not a matter of won't. It's a matter of can't. And I never said to make them suffer, did I? My point though is this: If you had no choice in the matter – if you had to either fail your mission or kill the target in a way that they would suffer – I often wonder what you'd do."

"I mean this with no disrespect, Sir, but does it matter? I've never gotten myself into such a position before. I may not like what I do, but I'm fairly good at it."

"'Fairly?' You're quite good at it, Mr. Doris, which is why it grieves me so to say what I'm going to say next."

John swallowed. Here it was. The tongue lashing. He was surprised he hadn't brought it up yet, to be honest. He'd asked him about the pilot, of course, seeing as how he had been the target, but he hadn't asked him about his fellow flight attendants; about the people he was already missing; the people he had saved, along with all of the plane's passengers, by assassinating the man who had planned on sending them all to the bottom of the Pacific.

"The reason I called you in here today, Mr. Doris, is to hand out your new assignment."

John's eyes popped. A new mission? Already? "Well, um…okay then. If that's all."

"Aren't you curious as to why I'm giving it to you so promptly after your return?"

"I – well, yes…I am. But I figured I'd just read it in the file, as always."

The man before him smiled; a smile that John had never been a fan of. "Mr. Doris; believe it or not, the details to this particular under cover mission is not what has led me to summon you in here today. It is the fact that it is your last mission; the last one you will ever have to complete."

If the brunet thought his eyes couldn't possibly get any wider, then he was definitely proven wrong. "S-Sir? Are you…are you serious?"

"Yes, Mr. Doris, I am absolutely serious. As much as it pains me to let you go, you have reached your one hundredth mark."

John hoped he did not openly shutter upon hearing the older man's last comment. Ninety-nine. He had killed ninety-nine people…

"And as you know," the Superior continued, "All assassins have the option of leaving after their one hundredth kill. Most of them stay, of course, but since you have obviously not been happy since the moment you've started here, I can only assume that your absence after said mission will be immediate."

"I… Yes, Sir. Yes. Immediately after. I won't lie to you."

The older man smiled again, and John could've sworn he detected a hint of bitter resentment there. "Very well then… Anyway, here – your last file. You complete this and you are free of the organization. Free to go and be whatever it is you want to be; whatever it is you want to do."

John's hands openly shook as he reached out, grabbing the file and flipping it open immediately. It was something he normally waited to do once he was out of the office and settled back into his own private head quarters, but the idea of being free of the organization, once and for all, had the brunet so excited and, for the first time since joining, eager to begin.

It wasn't until he saw where his new location was did his jubilant emotions come to an abrupt halt. Was he…was he happy about this? Or was it a bitter joke; an awful reminder of what he had never been able to accomplish? The irony that was his current life in comparison to the one he had always wanted. "A doctor…" he finally started. "I'm going to go under cover as a doctor…?"

"It seemed the most logical choice. You've never been to med school, but I've seen your room, Mr. Doris. You have almost every medical book known to man, and you read these for fun, am I correct?"

John nodded.

"And even if you do mess up at the hospital itself, it will be excusable, as you will be going in as an intern, not a fully trained doctor. In fact, it will be _expected _of you to mess up. So you see? You and this mission are the perfect match."

"I…yeah. Yeah, okay. Thank you, Sir. I'll…I'll leave immediately, then."

"No, not immediately. Your internship begins tomorrow at eight, and I want you rested up. You will spend the night here, sleeping, while we have someone rent an apartment for you near your new 'place of work.' I assure you, as always, that your personal belongings will be there after work tomorrow. Yes, even that creepy dead dog…"

John tried not to grin at his Superior's latest comment, more amused that anything dead would bother him, and oddly satisfied that something _he_ did creeped_ him_ out.

Still, as the younger of the two was dismissed, a question he had always wanted to ask began to plague him yet again. If this was his last mission, then there was a chance he would never be able to ask the older man what it was he wanted to.

Almost at the doorway, John stopped and turned, voice hesitant as he began his query. "Sir?"

"Yes, Mr. Doris, what is it?"

"I…I've always wondered – why am I the one sent out on all of the under cover missions? Besides the fact that I'm good. I mean, if it was solely because of skill, then I'd be given a variety of assignments, right? But they're always the under cover ones, and I wonder why because, well…you know my, um…you know my short come. You know I get too close. I thought after the first couple, I'd never be given a mission like that again, but that's all I've gotten, since day one. Can I…can I ask why?"

There was a moment of silence before the Superior finally answered, his voice laced with the barest hint of mockery. "Do you really have to ask? Mr. Doris – you are awkward, you are clumsy, and you are, without a doubt, a very likeable person. While this sort of personality doesn't lure me in the slightest, it seems to work in your favor as the perfect disguise. Mainly in that it's_ not_ a disguise. No one in their right mind would ever suspect you of being what you really are.

"So you see, Mr. Doris, I could not have picked anyone better than you for these under cover assignments. You are perfect for them; a rare find, to be frank, since a life such as ours usually tends to harden our kind by now. But not you, Doris. For one reason or another, it hasn't done that to you. And for that reason, you are the perfect candidate."

John could only blink. Rarely was he at a loss for words; his mouth always eager to partake in conversation. But to his Superior's latest remark, he could not find anything to say other than a meager, "Oh." And with a simple nod, he departed, heading to his room for the night in preparation for tomorrow.

Tomorrow…the first day of his last kill, and his first day as a doctor.

_**A/N:**__ So…is the premise too out there? Feel free to tell me what you think. The feedback is always appreciated. Anyway, I promise that the chapters to come will be longer than this one. It just seemed appropriate to end it there. Well, that's it for now. I hope the beginning managed to peek your interest a little. Until next time!_

_**Side Note:**__ John Doris is the name of the man that Bill Lawrence based JD off of. The name "JD Dorian" will come in later._


	2. Chapter 1

_**A/N: **__Hey, guys! First and foremost, I cannot say thank you enough. I really, really can't. I am more than just happy to see you guys excited for this story, and very, very appreciative of the feedback you've all been giving me so far. Honestly, it makes my day._

_So alright…a bit of an important note for this chapter: I wanted John's first day as a doctor to be similar to his first day of work on the show. This chapter has scenes straight from the pilot (changed a bit, but very similar) You'll know them when you see them, though it'll be obvious when other things are changed around. I wanted to point this out beforehand, just to let you guys know that the rest of the story will _not_ be like this chapter, in that the story will not be one massive re-write of the series. After this, it'll be completely different. (Well, there will be nods to the show, of course, but I think you know what I mean) Anyway, I hope that doesn't turn you guys away from the story, and that you enjoy the next chapter all the same._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

_"Feeling the moment slip away. You're losing direction, you're losing faith; you're wishing for someone."_

_-Feeling a Moment, by Feeder -_

**Chapter 1:**

John stood outside the worn down hospital, looking on at the building with visible apprehension.

Sleeping hadn't come easy last night, so the assassin had chosen to spend his insomnia ridden hours reading medical books. This didn't manage to captivate the young man nearly as much as it normally did, causing the brunet to delve further into the file that held all the details needed for his last under cover mission.

Sacred Heart Hospital, his new place of work, was a run down, inner city teaching hospital. Definitely not the grand sort of building you saw in all of the movies, but John found himself okay with the structure all the same. It was a hospital, and he, under the guise of a doctor, was actually going to be given the opportunity to _save_ people, rather than take their lives…

_You _do_ save people,_ his inner monologue told him for about the millionth time, desperate to get his point across. _You save a lot of people by the one life you take. Just think of that pilot; that evil man who had been so ready to plunge your fellow flight attendants and all of those innocent passengers into the Pacific. You saved them!_

_But that pilot was still a _life._ He was still living and breathing and I took that from him._

_It's your _job_. You _have_ to do it._ _Besides…don't the ends _sometimes_ justify the means?_

_No. No, they don't._

John shook his head. This was no time for serious contemplation, especially one he'd had with himself more times than he cared to remember. Right now, he had to get into character. Let's see…a very nervous intern on his first day of work as a real doctor. Yeah…not hard, considering that's _exactly_ how he was feeling at the moment. Of course, he would feel a lot better if he at least knew who his new target was.

Ah, the one thing about his file that had only furthered his inability to sleep last night. Usually, the details of his mission would contain a picture of his target, a name, a date of birth, an address, a social security number and, well…pretty much everything that was needed for his line of duty. But this time, his new target remained unidentified, and in its place had laid a note clearly written by the Superior.

_Your target is to remain unknown to you for the time being, as well as my reasoning. Just focus on your new role and keep an eye out._

"Keep an eye out?" An eye out for what? The obvious answer was the target, but since he had no knowledge of who it was he had to kill next, this was clearly not the case.

All John knew for certain was this: It was his last mission, he was anxious, and for the next year, he was to go under the identity of one John "JD" Dorian – a nervous and awkward intern, eager to begin his life as a doctor.

Which was not, he realized yet again, a far stretch from the truth.

--

"The hospital doesn't want to be sued. Being sued is not a good thing."

John shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. He hadn't expected orientation to focus so much on the inevitable possibility of law suits. What made it even stranger, however, was that the lawyer in front of him seemed more awkward and uncomfortable than he did. Not exactly comforting…

The person next to him, on the other hand, seemed completely at ease. He was slouched in his chair, chugging down what appeared to be a can of Sprite. The brunet wriggled in his seat a little. He wanted to start a conversation; wanted to make some friends in this intimidating atmosphere, but – _No!_ his inner monologue warned him for about the millionth time over. _You _always_ do this! You're going to start a simple conversation and then get drawn in. You're going to get attached. Only talk to him if _he _starts the conversation, and even if that happens, be as civil as you can without getting too close, alright?_

It was at that moment precisely that the man beside him looked in his direction, a small grin playing across his face as he noticed the brunet shifting awkwardly. "Not what you expected, huh? Me neither."

John smiled. _Well, he started the conversation, so…_ "I sort of thought we'd be focusing more on the patients."

The bald headed man shrugged. "I'm sure we'll get there eventually. Hey…you surgical or medical?"

"Medical. You?"

"Surgical. That's cool though. So what's your name?"

"JD. And you?"

"Christopher, but call me Turk."

JD smiled, glad he was not the only one who was going under a different name… "Turk," he repeated. "Nice to meet you."

"Ditto, man."

A voice, mournful and slow, cut in to their conversation. JD looked up, eyebrows furrowed together at the sight that was "Alcohol + Surgery = No, No" on the dry erase board. "Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, don't admit it to the patient. Of course, if the patient is deceased – and you're _sure_ – you can feel free to tell him or her…anything!" JD stared on, concerned and more than just a little apprehensive, as the sweaty man before them gave out an anxious, paranoid sounding laugh, placing himself in the chair by the board and putting his head in his hands.

It was at that moment that another man walked in; a man that immediately raised the trained assassin's suspicion.

"Okay, gang," the new presence started up, "I'm Doctor Bob Kelso, and I'm your Chief of Medicine. I just want to encourage you all to think of _me_ as your safety net, because I promise you…we're a family here."

JD tried to smile with the rest of the class, but something just wasn't right. Something felt…off.

"Now then," he continued on with what appeared to be genuine support, "Go get 'em doctors."

The brunet stood up with the rest of the interns, but not before eyeing the older man that had already turned his back on their small group. This Chief of Medicine…he wasn't who he appeared to be. He knew it; he sensed it. It was an instinct he had sharpened to borderline perfection through out his years of being an assassin, and he trusted it. Something was off with this Bob Kelso, and JD knew then and there that he'd be looking into him further.

--

After saying goodbye to Turk, John found himself making his way over to the doctor's lounge, trying not to grin at how cool he felt wearing his first ever pair of scrubs. While he knew it was important to focus on the mission, he just couldn't help but feel excited. Here he was – a doctor! He was getting a chance to partake in his life long dream; a dream that had been denied of him ever since the passion for it was born. Was he really expected _not_ to feel like a kid at Christmas? After all…he had a whole year to complete his mission. Today was only his first day. Was he really not allowed to be excited?

"Did you get your beeper yet?"

The brunet turned around sharply. So sharply, in fact, that the girl who had spoken to him jumped, causing the unusually awkward assassin to almost trip over his own two feet. John swallowed, clearly embarrassed. "I, uh…no. Didn't get it yet."

"Oh… Well, our Resident's at the nurse's station, handing them out. I would go down there and get one, if I were you. He seems sort of like a tool, you know? I mean, hey, don't get me wrong; I admire all the doctors here. How could you not? But I'll admit that I'm nervous. I mean, I know this kind of thing comes naturally to some people, but do you know how _hard_ I had to work to be where I am now? Not to mention the pressure from my dad. But I guess I can't complain too much since he's paying for me to be here, but really –"

"I, um…I'm sorry, but…what was your name again?"

"Huh? Oh, right! Sorry. Sometimes, I – well sometimes, I ramble, but that's not important. Anyway, I'm Elliot. Elliot Reid. And you?"

"Hey, Elliot. I'm JD."

The blonde smiled at him, blue eyes sparkling as she did so. She reminded John vaguely of one of the flight attendants he had just worked along side of, though this girl seemed just a little more neurotic. Well, that was alright. In a strange way, it was kind of endearing, and she seemed friendly enough, at least.

"Nice to meet you then," she finally answered. "Anyway, you better run down there; before all the good beepers get taken."

Elliot gave the brunet one last smile, and JD was happy to discover that he didn't have to try hard at all to return the gesture.

--

Neurotic or not, Elliot _had_ been right about their new resident. Of course, he was really in no position to call somebody else a tool, considering what he did for a living… After all, had the Superior ever killed _any_one? As far as he or the rest of them knew, no. He was just the guy who gave out the orders, yet for one reason or another, he managed to set fear into all of them; his tools.

John shook his head. He couldn't let that bring him down. Right now, he had to focus. Focus on his job – _both _of his jobs – and not screw up in either of them.

A sudden and very high pitched noise caused the assassin to jump where he stood. What the…? Oh, right! His beeper. Wow, already? He didn't expect things to start so, well, quickly.

JD rushed to the room in which he had been summoned, surprised to see that a nurse was already there before him.

The woman, who had been handling an IV bag, turned to stare in his direction. A warm smile, albeit slightly teasing, took over her expression as she watched him; his face flushed from the run as he panted in the room's doorway. "Hey," he started up shyly. "I was, uh…I was paged."

"Aw, first day, Bambi?"

"_Bambi?" Do I really look that vulnerable?_

"Don't worry," the Latina woman continued, bringing JD back into the moment. "Carla will take care of you."

John walked over to her side, his posture still undeniably awkward. While he wasn't yet sure if he liked his new nickname, he was sure that he liked the tone in which it was given to him. There was something very warm about this nurse; very protective.

It felt nice.

Before he could even get into an argument with himself about whether or not it was appropriate to try and get a conversation going, the Latina woman spoke up, alerting him at once to what it was they were doing there. "We're waiting for Dr. Cox."

Dr. Cox…? She said the name as if he was supposed to know who he was. Oh crap…he wasn't that tool of a resident, was he? What was his name again…? But his curiosity over whether or not he knew said man was answered just seconds later.

Like a storm without warning, the doctor burst into the room; coat tails flying behind him as he snapped on a pair of those surgical gloves JD had always wanted to blow up into balloons. Okay, now was not the time for that…

John looked back up at the man before him, his very presence demanding the attention that JD seemed either unwilling or unable to deny him.

"Hi, Doctor, I'm –"

"Place an IV for me."

Talk about being shot down. "We'll talk later," he responded hurriedly.

It wasn't until the IV was actually handed to him did JD fully understand what had just been requested. An IV. In someone's skin. A patient's skin. A patient – a breathing, living, being. Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh –

"Carla, can I ask you a personal question? Do you spray the perfume on or do you just fill your bathtub up with it at home and splash around in it?"

"I smell _nice._"

JD breathed. _Okay, that was funny. Just take that positive energy and apply it to the patient. Relax; breathe. You've read this procedure and ones much more complicated a million times over. Just poke it through his skin. Poke it through! Now!_

A sharp, demanding whistle brought JD back to attention. He was ashamed to see how much his hands were shaking. But more than that, he was ashamed to see just how _un-_surprised the older man appeared by the scene before him.

"Time's up. Carla, would you do it for him please? I'm also gonna need an AVG."

JD swallowed. He couldn't believe what he was about to say next, but – "Why are you telling her?"

He had expected anger. In fact, a part of him had wanted it; some kind of confirmation that the man before him regarded him as, well, anything; anything worth addressing for more than two seconds; someone that he could at least make eye contact with. But the curly haired doctor simply turned to face the comatose patient, eyes bored as he let out a dry sounding, "Shut up and watch."

"Be nice to Bambi!" Carla suddenly chimed in.

JD turned back to Dr. Cox then, hopeful that he would heed to her request and act upon it, but his gaze still remained on the patient, his next comment completely unrelated to the nurse's. "Why does this gomer _got_ to try and die every day during_ my_ lunch?"

JD frowned. Okay, he knew he was new at this; knew the man before him was much more experienced. But God…he had wanted to be a doctor ever since he was a little kid. He tried not to let it get to him, but it sort of…bothered him a little; that someone could just so casually talk about a patient like that. "That was a little insensitive…"

The same blue eyes he had wanted aimed in his direction only moments ago darted up to him now; very alert and very, _very_ annoyed. JD swallowed. What in God's name had he been thinking when the thought that even negative attention from this doctor would be acceptable? _Mistake._

"The man's ninety-two years old, he has full dementia, he doesn't even know we're here, he is inches from Carla's _rack_ and he hasn't even flinched."

"That is so sweet," the nurse sing-songed.

Dr. Cox nodded. "Yeah it is."

JD shifted awkwardly. Okay, that wasn't _too_ bad, was it? Maybe if he could just keep the conversation going, it would lead to somewhere. Maybe if he could get a better feel for the doctor, it could lead to somewhere _positive._ "What about his subconscious?"

Much to the brunet's surprise, the auburn haired man turned away from him, dipping down to the patient's level and placing his mouth close to his ear. "Eisenhower…was a sissy." Dramatically, the older man pounced back; fists raised in a fighting stance as he watched for a reaction that he knew would not come, earning himself a small, amused smile from Carla.

JD swallowed as he turned back to him, eyes still sharp and irritated. "I think by the grace of _God_, we're going to be okay. Oh, and from now on? _When_ever I'm in the room, you're definitely not allowed to talk."

And just like that, the older doctor was gone, leaving a smiling nurse and a clearly nervous intern. JD watched him go, heart pounding in embarrassment.

Not exactly the first impression he'd been aiming for.

--

The next several hours was a blur of chaos and frazzled nerves. Never in his life had JD felt so utterly naïve for thinking he'd be able to pull this one off. Memorizing procedures was one thing, but actually performing them? Totally different ball park. It was his seventh hour in on his first day of work, and not a single procedure he'd been assigned to had been done by his shaking, nervous hands. There was always a nurse around, quick to grab whatever tool he'd been using and shoo him away. "Lost puppies," he heard one of them mutter as he walked away from an old woman's bedside, head down and heart racing. "That's what these interns are, you know," she muttered to the patient that couldn't even hear. "Lost puppies."

JD didn't have it in him to retaliate. Because really, what could he say? She was right. He knew it, he hated it, but there was nothing he could do about it.

"How ya' holding up?"

The brunet turned around, startled. He had recognized the voice instantly, his assassin alarm ringing loudly in his ears. Okay...maybe he was failing at being a doctor, but the under cover investigation thing he could still do.

JD did a quick look around before replying, relieved to see that they were the only ones in the room. Now was his chance to break whatever façade this man had been trying desperately to portray. But how?

"I saw that you're still pushing to put Mrs. Pratt on the transplant list. Bad news though, Sport. She doesn't have the insurance to cover it."

JD frowned. Mrs. Pratt – the one patient he had actually been managing to help so far. Of course, if Dr. Kelso wouldn't allow her on the transplant list, then all of his work would mean nothing, and Mrs. Pratt, well…she would die.

No, he wouldn't have that. He couldn't. "Yeah, but she's like…a second away from total renal failure."

"Okay… Uh, did you ask the Borski family for permission to do an autopsy?"

JD swallowed, his eyes shifting to the floor for a moment in shame. Mr. Borski… He _thought_ he'd been doing a good job at helping him out as well, but he had died shortly after his last conversation with him. JD had promised he'd check up on him again, but before he had even gotten the chance… "They're still in there with him, so…"

"It's a teaching hospital, son," Kelso responded with a low chuckle. "You gotta ask."

John closed his eyes. Life. He had taken so many. Ninety-nine, to be exact. And yet he had never, never been forced to go and talk to those related to the lives he'd been trained to assassinate. Never had he been forced to confront the faces of the target's family and friends. Though _they_ had managed to confront _him_. In his nightmares, of course, but still…

Dear, God. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be a doctor. He just…he couldn't! More than anything, he had wanted to help save people; he had wanted to help save lives. He had _always_ wanted that! But what was he doing here now? What was he thinking!? That he could actually pull this charade off? That the lives he might end up saving could somehow atone for all the ones he'd taken? No. No, he just…he couldn't. It was too much. And he…he wasn't worthy.

He wasn't worthy of being a doctor.

John bit the inside of his mouth, both ashamed and frustrated with his absolute failure. Finally, he had obtained everything he'd ever wanted, and he had failed. Miserably.

He needed to get out. He needed to call the Superior and request for another assignment. "Sir, do you think…do you think I could skip just this one?"

JD was surprised when Dr. Kelso removed himself from the couch, his assassin trained body backing up a few steps as the warning bells went off inside his head. That's right – this man had a mask on too. He had almost forgotten, but maybe now he'd get a glimpse; just a glimpse to confirm his suspicion that this was, in fact, the man that was supposed to be his target.

"Why _sure_, Sport!" he responded just a little too kindly. "In fact, why don't you just head on home? You look kind of tired."

JD squirmed a little, not enjoying the hand that Kelso had placed on his shoulder during his last comment. Not quite knowing what to say, the brunet stuttered out a little, "I am kind of tired…"

And that did it. The straw he had been aiming to break. With little to no transition, the mask of happy-go-lucky Bob Kelso slipped off at once, his blue eyes piercing as he looked up at him; expression twisted with rage. "Dr. Dorian – do you not realize that you're nothing but a large pair of _scrubs_ to me? For God's sake! The only reason I carry this chart around is so I can pretend to remember your damn names! Now look! If the patient has insurance, you treat them, and if they don't, you show them the door! And if somebody dies, you get the autopsy! YOU GET IT BY ROUNDS TOMORROW MORNING OR I'LL BE SCRATCHING YOUR NAME OFF MY CHART! ARE WE CLEAR!? _ANSWER ME!"_

JD swallowed. Hard. Bob Kelso; he had to be the target. It was unmistakable. No wonder the Superior had told him to keep an eye out! The answer was right there in front of him! "Crystal clear," John responded, his answer more to his realization than to the older man's enraged induced speech.

"Great, Sport," the doctor purred mockingly. And with one final shoulder tap, he was gone.

JD sighed. He knew now, he knew. Bob Kelso was the target, but really…did it even matter? He was done. Finished. He couldn't be a doctor. His mother had been right, and he was a fool to have thought otherwise…

The familiar ringing of his pager startled him out of his defeated reverie. JD tried not to moan. He had failed, okay, but the least he could do was make it through his last first day.

Quickly, the brunet ran to where he had been summoned, his heart picking up pace when he saw the familiar forms of both Carla and Dr. Cox. JD swallowed. The last thing he needed right now was to mess up in front of the doctor that had only denounced him just hours ago.

"Car accident. Crashed on the elevator on the way up," Carla informed him hurriedly.

"We gotta relieve the pressure in his chest. JD – do it."

The intern's attention focused on him at once, surprised that he was being called upon at a time like this. Hadn't this man witnessed what a horrible job he'd been doing all day long? Why on earth did he think he could pull something like this off? He had been right to dismiss him earlier, and that, JD realized, was why it had hurt so much. He admired this man. A lot. He was the image of a real doctor; a _good_ doctor. The kind of person JD had always wanted to be… So why was he, of all people, calling on him now? What did he think he could possibly accomplish?

"Look at me."

JD obeyed.

The brunet didn't know how long the stare lasted, but just for a moment – the beeping of machines, the frantic hustling of nurses, the chaos that was the hospital as a whole – stopped. All of it stopped.

And for one, quiet moment, it was just him and Dr. Cox.

The stare was silent; strong. But beneath its vibrant blue gaze, JD saw it; the very thing he himself had been lacking almost all day long. Faith.

"You can do this."

JD could not describe what happened to him then. Those words, spoken with such confidence, awakened the noises that had stilled for however long their exchange had taken place. But more than that, it awakened in him what he was so sure he had lost. His drive. His determination. His _dream._ The dream he'd had ever since he was a little kid.

How, for even a moment, could he have thought of giving that up?

"Chest tube tray," he finally managed, choosing to ignore the small squeak his voice gave. He grabbed the tools Carla presented to him at once, his hands stumbling over them before managing a proper grasp.

"C'mon, baby, let's go. Chop, chop."

JD nodded to himself, energized by the older man's words. It wasn't until he brought the scalpel to the patient's skin did he really hesitate.

Only had he ever injured another to take away life. Now…now he was doing the exact opposite of everything he'd been trained to do. Could he really - ?

"JD! Cut him, or lose him!"

And there it was.

Without further hesitation, the assassin – no – the _intern_ sliced through the man's skin, watching in awe as it split open not out of violence, but out of a procedure that could _save_. "Okay, give me the tube." JD grabbed it without looking, doing his best to push it through the opening and trying not to shake when it wouldn't go in. "I can't get it through," he muttered desperately.

"Well don't be gentle!" Dr. Cox pressed on. "Get it in there!"

JD pushed, hard, relieved to see it pass through the skin. "Okay, thank you please, Carla," he rushed out in a stream of words, heart still racing at what he had just accomplished. It took a moment for it to truly sink in as he watched the blood flow through the tube; watched the patient's breathing reach a level of normalcy as the people around him relaxed into a much welcomed calm.

Immediately, his eyes shot up to Dr. Cox, not even trying to hide how moved he felt by it all. "No way," he breathed out, a happy grin taking over his expression.

He was surprised when the older man returned it, his own expression alighting with a spark that made everything feel like it was going to be alright. "See? It's a piece of cake."

JD watched as he removed the gloves, his next words surprising him to no end. "He's your patient."

"You're leaving!?" he practically cried, trying to ignore the desperation in his voice.

Apparently, Dr. Cox was willing to ignore it as well, his demeanor still much lighter than the one he had witnessed upon first meeting him earlier that day. "That's your patient, Doctor."

JD shivered. _Doctor._ Dear _God_, did that feel good! How sweet to be referred to like that, and from Dr. Cox, out of all the people he had met so far!

Once he was sure that the older man had departed, JD threw his arms in the air, dancing a little where he stood.

"That's enough," Carla cut in, though a small smile seemed to be tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Sorry," JD responded, grin still very much intact. "It's a very big moment for me." And it was. The brunet knew now that, no matter what happened to him from that point on, he would never allow himself to forget what had just taken place.

For the first time ever, he had helped save somebody's life!

--

While it was true he was still on a high from his earlier accomplishment, John couldn't deny how utterly and truly exhausted he felt. Not a one of his under cover assignments had ever left him feeling so worn. But it was a nice kind of worn, he realized as he continued to the door. A weariness that left him feeling drained, but also feeling, well…_good._

Lost in his thoughts, JD did not take notice of the drenched floor before him, falling back on the puddle with a very loud thud. Sprawled out on his back, the brunet let out a hurt moan, clearly in pain. "What kind of idiot forgets to put out a 'Caution' sign in the middle of a hospital?" JD groaned to himself.

Or at least, he _thought_ it was to himself.

"So I'm an idiot, huh?"

The brunet's eyes popped open at once, not at all liking the tone of voice in which the question had been asked.

Hovering above him, a man stood glaring; a very _tall_ man. Oh, God…what did he just do?

"I, um…I'm sorry. I just…I slipped. My mistake. I was just angry, but I'm sorry. You're not an idiot, I just –"

"You just what? You thought that, because you're a doctor and I'm a Janitor, then it would be perfectly _fine_ to call me an idiot, is that it?"

"N-No. That's not what I meant. I just –"

"I'm watching you," the Janitor threatened quietly, obvious menace behind his words.

JD let out a breath of relief as the Janitor made his exit. Before he could get up, however, he was visited by yet another on-looker. At least this one he was happy to see.

"Hey, man!" Turk greeted lightly. "Uh…what're you doing?"

"…Napping?"

"Smooth."

JD was surprised, though very grateful, when the surgeon extended a hand. The brunet took it at once, pulling himself up and grinning sheepishly at the man before him. "Thanks for that."

"No problem. …Hey, um…I was wondering… I found an apartment not far from here, you know? I was gonna room with this guy named Todd, but he decided to buddy up with somebody else. I wasn't about to ask for a reason, because with the Todd, it could be anything up to, well, never mind… Anyway, I was wondering…you wanna room with me?"

JD tried not to gawk at him, but wow – a roommate! He'd never had a roommate before! And the guy seemed genuinely nice too. Maybe he'd even like Rowdy. And hey, what if he even – _No! _his inner monologue screamed. _Are you kidding me? That is getting_ way_ too close! Besides, the Superior already picked out an apartment for you. All your stuff's there. Wouldn't it be better to just –_

_Nope. _

"Sure," JD answered, too excited at the prospect of living with another to listen to his logical side. "Sounds awesome. Just let me grab some stuff from my, uh…from my stuff place…"

"Your 'Stuff place?'"

"Yeah. It's where I…it's where I keep my stuff…"

"Uh-huh." Turk shook his head, but handed him a key all the same, grin still splayed out on his expression. "Room number ten," he informed him casually. "I'm gonna order us some pizza, so I'll meet you there. Sound good?"

JD nodded, trying not to beam too hard as he did so. "Yeah, man. That sounds great."

Turk smiled. "Awesome."

And just like that, the surgeon – his roommate – was off and out of the door.

JD followed soon after, but not before waving an affectionate goodbye to both Carla and Elliot, though he wasn't particularly sure if they noticed him, as they seemed to be in some kind of argument… Either way, today had ended on a great note. And yeah, he knew he'd have to look more into Kelso sooner than later. And yeah, he knew he wasn't, well…wasn't a _real_ doctor… But he wasn't going to think about that right now; not tonight. Tonight, he was going to go grab Rowdy and the rest of his things, and then? Well then, he was going to go to his new place, sit on the couch, and help the surgeon polish off what he hoped would be a large, pepperoni pizza.

_**A/N:**__ Like I said earlier: The rest of this story will not follow the series so strictly, I promise. I just really wanted his first day in this plot line to be similar to his first day on the show, but from here on out, it's original. (Though I guess that's up for you guys to decide. lol) Anyway, despite the kind-of-odd rewrite, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Until next time!_


	3. Chapter 2

_**A/N:**__ Alright, so before we begin here, I'm going to take just two seconds to let you guys in on the on-goings of my life. (Just two seconds, I promise. lol) Anyway, classes start for me on the 27__th__, which means, besides my part time job, I'm going to be a bit busier. I'm still going to try very hard to get chapters up here every Monday for you guys, but if I miss a day, please be patient with me. I am, at least, up to chapter seven of this story, so hopefully, even if I do fall a bit behind, I'll get back on track before I reach chapter eight with nothing to serve. Well, that's it on that note. And while I know I'm going to sound like a broken record, I just want to thank you guys again for the immense support you've given me with this story so far. Trust me when I say it's appreciated. Alright, time for me to can it. lol Enjoy!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 2:**

"_Come on in; I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in. I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones, that I started looking for a warning sign."_

_-Warning Sign, by Coldplay-_

"That is the best thing I have ever seen."

JD tried not to glow as his new friend and roommate examined the dead dog set before him, walking around and studying it as if it were an ancient artifact. "It usually creeps people out, but Rowdy's a good boy."

"'Rowdy?' I like that. So, can he do any tricks?"

"I almost taught him 'paw' once, but he doesn't have the best attention span."

"That's alright. At least he can guard the apartment when we're gone."

"True that."

Turk looked up from his examination of the dead dog, a small, amused grin playing at the corner of his lips. "Dude, be whiter."

"Right…"

After throwing what little he had into his new room, John went back out into the living room, joining the surgeon out on the couch and helping himself to a highly anticipated slice of pepperoni pizza.

"So," Turk started up suddenly, mouth still full from his latest bite. "How'd you get into medicine?"

JD swallowed. Alright, alright – nothing to panic about. He planned a back story, had he not? Some of it wasn't even a lie… "I've always wanted to be a doctor, ever since I was a kid, but I never thought I'd be able to afford it…"

"Yeah, man, I can relate. I wouldn't have been able to afford college if it wasn't for my brother."

JD did his best to ignore the pang of hurt that struck his heart upon hearing how Turk's brother had helped him. Not that he resented him for it, of course. But to say he didn't at all envy the idea of a supportive family would be a straight out lie, especially when his older brother had been so, well… "Yeah," the brunet responded. "My older brother, um…I guess you can say he helped me out too, in a way. Even if he never really meant to…"

Turk, who had been polishing off the rest of his slice, could only manage a muffled, "Huh?" while turning his gaze towards his new roommate, eyebrow raised in question.

JD instantly cursed himself. What in God's name was he doing? So, yeah…he had a bad habit of getting too close to people, but never, _never_ had he even _dreamt_ of revealing such intimate details about his past; _or_ his current state of employment. Never had a comment such as the one he had just let slip escape his mouth before when conversing with those he had worked with in past under cover missions. _Breathe_, he told himself quietly. _You had a stressful day at the hospital, that's all. You're not thinking clearly. Ignore the fact that you already feel more comfortable with this person than you've ever felt with anyone else you worked with in your life and _breathe.

"JD…?"

The brunet startled, turning back to his roommate at once. "Yeah?"

"I asked you what you meant; about your older brother and stuff."

"Oh. Oh, right. Yeah, well…you know older siblings, right? They try to help in their own, weird way, but sometimes it just comes out wrong, you know?"

Much to the assassin's relief, Turk nodded understandingly. "Tell me about it. When my dad left, Kevin automatically took hold of the 'head of the house' position. Sometimes, it was a real pain in the ass; the way he got a little too protective of me. But now that all is said and done, I can honestly say I appreciate it."

"Your dad left too…?"

The surgeon turned towards him again, clearly surprised. "Whoa, are you serious, man? 'Cause if this is a joke, then that's pretty –"

"Dude, no! I would never joke about that. And yeah, I'm…I'm serious. My dad left us when I was seven."

When the surgeon turned away, JD instantly regretted his latest confession. Had it somehow caused his roommate discomfort? But when the bald headed man turned back to him, two bottles of soda in hand, John could only grin, thankfully accepting the one being held out for him.

Turk clinked his bottle against the brunet's immediately after. "Cheers to turning out more than just fine."

JD wasn't sure if he would exactly consider his current life style "fine," but he just didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. Raising his glass in agreement, the assassin brought it to his lips and swallowed.

--

It was a few hours later when JD got the call.

Instinctively, he reached for his cell phone, his stomach twisting anxiously when he read the caller ID. "I gotta take this," he said hurriedly, very thankful that Turk was nearing exhaustion.

"Yup," he sighed in response, eyes still staring at the television screen.

The brunet jumped up from his place on the couch, ran to his room, closed the door and flipped the cell phone open with shaky hands. "Good evening, Sir."

"Mr. Doris, I am in no mood for pleasantries. I want an answer from you and I want it now: _Why_ are you not at the apartment I picked out for you?"

"I was going to call you about that in the morning, but –"

"No. No speaking; not unless it's an answer – an _honest_ answer – to my question. Now tell me. Immediately."

JD gulped, hoping that his Superior would not be able to hear it through the phone. "I was on my way out of the hospital after a successful day at work, when I ran into another doctor, Sir. He asked me to be his roommate, and I accepted."

"For the love of God, Doris, _why!?_"

JD thought; fast. "Sir, please don't take offence to this, but isn't it obvious? The apartment is even closer to the hospital than the one you picked out for me, not to mention I am rooming with someone who works there as well. I now have yet another way to obtain information. There is nothing unusual about this setup that would strike anybody as suspicious. In fact, wouldn't my living by myself cause for some concern? I'm supposed to be an intern fresh out of med school, right? Now what med student do you know who can afford to pay rent by themselves while still being thousands of dollars in debt?"

"Doris, watch your tongue."

"My apologies. Like I said, I mean this with no disrespect, but I sincerely believe that this is the better route to take."

There was a long pause, in which the assassin silently prayed to a God he wasn't sure he had the right to pray to that the answer would be the one he was hoping for.

"Mr. Doris…coming from anyone else, I would most certainly consider this new turn of events, but do you honestly expect me to believe that you didn't do this for your own, selfish desires?"

For the first time in a long time, John's eyes narrowed. Never in his right mind would the assassin consider himself a saint, but he was not, nor had he ever been, _selfish._ "Yes, Sir, I do expect you to believe that. I think you're an intelligent person, and would hope that you would see the plus side to my way of thinking." JD cringed. Damn, was he being snarky tonight! What in God's name had come over him?

"Well then, Mr. Doris, I will leave this particular matter in your hands. But if this comes back to bite you, you and you alone will suffer the consequences. I can in no way have you or any other member of our organization's slack come back to haunt us. You should already be well aware of this, if you took the time to think back a little…"

The dark haired assassin closed his eyes, his earlier comment to Turk coming back to weigh heavily on his heart. "Yes, Sir, I'm very aware of that."

"Alright then. As long as you know the potential outcome, go about your business. I trust you enough to get the job done, but if you decide to stray from the plan again, I would advise you to call _before_ making that decision yourself, are we clear?"

"Yes, Sir. Crystal."

"Good."

And just like that, the conversation was over, leaving one lonely and confused assassin with his back pressed wearily against the door.

--

"_Duuuude…_"

JD tried not to grin as Turk emerged from his bedroom. He didn't take pleasure in his roommate's exhausted expression, but it was kind of nice knowing he wasn't the only one who felt completely and utterly worn.

"Guess we shouldn't have stayed up that late, huh?"

"Guess not," he agreed at once. "Could you blame us though? Yesterday was, well…yesterday was hard."

Turk, who was now in the kitchen with JD, turned to his new roommate while throwing together a bowl of cereal. "Oh yeah, that's right; you never really told me how your first day went. Mine was okay, believe it or not. My _entire_ _two hands_ were in a human body. Can you believe that? And I met this_ fine_ nurse named Carla, too."

"Oh, I met her! Yeah, she's real nice."

"When'd you meet her?"

"I met her right before Dr. Cox came into the –"

"Whoa, Dr. Cox? The medical attending?"

"Yeah. Why? What's wrong?"

"Well, I didn't think anything was wrong, to be honest. But when I was trying to talk up, I mean…when I _was_ talking up Carla yesterday, he just randomly came over and called me on it. He didn't waist any time telling me what he really thought of your every day surgeon's IQ either…"

JD squirmed. He knew what Turk was talking about. He had seen that harsh side of the older man as well. But he knew that wasn't the only side either. Their second meeting had proven that to him, beyond a shadow of a doubt. And JD felt an odd but undeniable loyalty to him for that. Because maybe, even before he had given him his first real patient…maybe the man's earlier tongue lashing hadn't _just_ been out of anger. Maybe he had been trying to teach him something.

Or maybe, like most doctors who have been there for years, he was just having a bad day.

"I don't know," JD finally responded. "I mean, yeah…he shouldn't have done that. And okay, he lashed into me yesterday too, but then after that, when things were getting really hectic, he came back and helped me out. A lot. I don't know, man. Maybe it was just one of those days."

The surgeon shook his head. "Not according to Carla. She said he's _always_ like that. Though she sort of defended him on it too… Either way, I'm keeping clear of that guy. Besides, I like my attending."

"Oh yeah? Who is he?"

"Dr. Wen. He's good, man. Real good. Anyway," Turk continued, finishing the last bite of his cereal, "I'm gonna go get a shower. Do you have time to wait or should I just grab a bus?"

"Nah, I'll wait. We have the same shifts this morning, so it's fine."

"Cool, man. Be out in few."

JD exhaled slowly once he knew his roommate was out of hearing range. He hoped he took a long shower. No, he didn't want to be late, but he did want some alone time to prepare himself for his second day at Sacred Heart Hospital. People to save and a person to kill. But not, he realized for the latter of the two, before some serious investigation.

--

The first half of his day had been crazy.

Turk's, or rather, Carla's comment about Dr. Cox being almost constantly in a bad mood seemed to be proving true as the hours passed by. One minute, he was being told to get blood cultures. The next minute, he was being told to change bed pans. The minute after that, he was being told to take vitals. And after _that,_ he had been given a laundry list of commands: IV's to place, patients to intubate, patients that just needed a comforting presence…

Yes, JD was busy, but God, he loved it. Loved the fact that he was saving rather than killing. Loved that, despite his temperament, it seemed Dr. Cox was calling on him for assistance more than any of the other interns. _Does that mean he thinks I'm a good doctor?_ JD had wondered while running down to the lab technician for his patient's urine sample results. And yes…those patients that simply wanted a hand to hold – someone whose presence would bring them comfort – yes, he loved them too. The way they welcomed him by their bedside, the small laugh or smile they would give upon him saying something to cheer them up. The older women who would reach out to pat his cheek, saying how sweet he was, and the younger, adolescent patients, who were able to connect with him since he was, apparently, a child trapped in a man's body. According to Dr. Cox, anyway…

But a part of it was heartbreaking too. Truly and undeniably heartbreaking. He hadn't expected death here to take such a toll on him. He just hadn't. And why would he? He was, after all, an assassin; someone trained to view death as a necessity rather than a tragedy. But John had known, had always known, that the organization had failed to get that point across to him. Still, he didn't think it would hit him so hard. He thought that the death of Mr. Borski yesterday had shocked him only in that it was the first patient he'd been assisting on that had passed. Of course, his death hadn't been his fault, he knew, but still… Today though, when a nurse would interrupt his time with an elderly woman or a young, much more frightened teenager in order to continue making them "As comfortable as possible," JD couldn't help the anguished twist his stomach would give. He couldn't help the tears that gathered in his eyes, or, after the death of one of his favorite patients, Mrs. Tanner, the horrible, horrible feeling of losing someone precious.

These patients were not killers. They were not people that "deserved death" in order to save many. They were innocent. Sick, innocent patients in need of help.

And sometimes, neither him, Turk or even Dr. Cox, could give it to them.

JD rubbed his eyes wearily as he threw himself down on one of the on-call room mattresses. God, was he tired.

"Hey, you."

John startled, turning his head quickly in the direction of the voice. He smiled at the woman on the mattress opposite of his own; her blonde hair falling into blue eyes that were turned in his direction. Something about those eyes were different from yesterday, though… "Hey," he finally responded. "How're you holding up so far?"

It wasn't until Elliot sniffed in response did he realize what had been unusual about those baby blues. Bags surrounded them now, rather than the determined features that had outlined her face just yesterday morning. "I'm going crazy," she admitted shamelessly. "I've hid myself in about every closet in this place, I haven't eaten in over twenty-four hours, and I'm pretty sure Dr. Cox hates me with every fiber of his being."

"What were you doing in the closet?"

"Crying."

"Did you lose a patient?"

"No, not yet, thank God. It's just…it's everything. The stress of it all; the pressure. Knowing that, with just one, innocent move, I could take a life. Can you imagine how that must feel? Knowing it was _your_ fault that somebody died? Even if it was out of good intentions; even if you had been doing your absolute best to save them. Can you picture that?"

"…Yes."

Elliot sighed. "Truthfully, I can only pretend to. I won't know until it happens, but I'm constantly praying it won't. And really, I think that's the only thing that's keeping me at the top of my game right now; to never be in that position."

"…I'm sorry."

The blonde turned her head to face him yet again, but she stopped, very startled, when her eyes looked over at the complete and utter devastation that was JD's current expression.

His eyes were tightly closed; his full lips pressed together as if giving his all to repress a magnificent burden. She couldn't see his tears, but she saw his lids twitch, as if they were filling, and she could've sworn right then and there that he was going to break down and cry.

And he did.

Elliot's eyes widened as a single tear slid down his cheek. And then another and another and another… And all the while his eyes stayed shut, even when his body finally let out a small shutter; even when his teeth sunk themselves deep into his bottom lip, as if trying desperately to regain some control.

Without knowing quite what she was doing, the blue eyed intern crawled off of her bed and onto his own. JD, who still refused to open his eyes, tensed when her fingers grazed his cheek. "Cold," he mumbled quietly.

Elliot frowned. "So I've heard. Actually, that was reason number three for hiding myself away in the janitor's closet."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

For a long while, it was just the two of them and the silence. JD's head rested comfortably on Elliot's lap, and he tried not to wince when a tear of her own slid off of her cheek and landed on his nose. Finally, she spoke. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes. Yes, because I love talking, but…but no. I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you wouldn't believe me."

"JD…"

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I'm sorry because…I'm sorry because you just poured your heart out to me, and I want…I want so badly to be able to connect with you, and to help you; two medical interns surviving together. That picture, that image…God, I want that. I've always wanted that. Everything about a doctor, not just the saving, but the _whole picture_; I've always wanted that, and I just…I can't. Not really. Not fully."

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't believe me, remember?"

"Do you want to know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think you're full of crap."

JD's eyes popped open, clearly startled. He stared into the face that looked down into his own, those blue eyes still sad, yes, but with a spark of yesterday's determination coming back to them. "'Full of crap?'" he finally managed.

"Yeah, and do you know why? Because whatever you have going on, whatever is apparently so out there that I wouldn't believe, well…it doesn't matter. None of it. Because you _are_ an intern; here and now and in this place. As horrible as it can be, here you are. Here I am. We're both struggling; we're both just trying to make it through. You say you can't connect with me? But look at us; we're sitting here together, the both of us crying. And why are we crying? We're crying because we're stressed beyond belief, because we're at the bottom of the food chain. So we're in this room, crying, and hoping that when we get up and wipe the tears away, things will run a bit smoother. That everything will be worth it in the end."

"…Thank you."

Elliot smiled, opening her mouth to reply, but was cut off as the on-call room door swung open, an angry looking Dr. Cox in its wake.

For a moment, he just sort of stared at them. No, not _them_, JD realized, but _him_; just him. And the brunet could not help but notice the small twist his stomach gave; like he'd been caught doing something really bad. And something…something had changed in Cox's expression as well. From anger to…to what? But whatever look that crossed the older man's face had dissipated in a quarter of a second, his expression regaining its earlier annoyance. "Now, Newbie, I know you're new here, but I'm going to let you in on a little secret: When that pretty little black box of yours beeps, that means you're getting paged. And when you get paged in this place, eh-_specially_ if it's from me, you better pick up and run there, Susan, because if you don't answer the call, I _will_ come and hunt you down."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Cox," JD replied hurriedly, sitting up at once. "The batteries must've –"

"Ba-ba-bup! I don't care. I _really_ don't care. Oh, but wipe away those tears for me, will you precious? Until then, you're banned from the men's bathroom."

"But Dr. Cox, I –"

"Don't care. Don't care, don't care, don't care."

And just like that, the older man was gone.

"Jerk," Elliot mumbled from beside him.

"Yeah," JD answered softly. It was, he admitted, a jerky thing to do. But was Dr. Cox a jerk himself? A black hearted, cynical jerk?

That, he realized at once, he just simply could not get behind.

--

Only an hour left of his second shift, and JD still hadn't infiltrated Kelso's office.

The assassin clicked his tongue in frustration. Things were already stressful enough, and while he had a whole year to complete his mission, he would still feel a lot better if he at least knew who it was he'd need to be paying some extra special attention to.

"You alright, Bambi?"

John turned around quickly, not having expected the sudden intrusion of his thoughts. Not that it was a _bad_ interruption, of course. He had already decided that he really liked the Latina nurse; mother hen and all. "Yeah, I'm alright. Just thinking, I guess. Hey, um…if I wanted to arrange something with Dr. Kelso, a meeting or something, would I have to make an appointment?"

"What? Oh no, nothing like that. All you'd have to do is knock on his door, if you wanted to talk to him about something. The trick is actually getting him to open it. Most of the time, especially for interns, he's not going to bother. …Why?"

JD shrugged. "Just wanted to know…"

"Uh-huh…"

It wasn't until Carla was off to another patient's room did the assassin finally push himself off of the counter, heading towards the direction of the Chief of Medicine's office. Truthfully, he had no idea what he would say to him if he ended up getting in. "Hello, Sir, thank you for your time. I was just wondering if you plan on doing something so evil and malicious that an organization of assassins would want you dead? Thank you, Sir, I appreciate it." Hmmm…probably not the best approach.

Now in front of Kelso's office door, JD shifted about nervously. Well, he'd much rather deal with Kelso than his Superior, though either way…tongue lashings were never fun.

Alright, now what was he going to say? Well, that wasn't particularly important. Not at the moment, anyway. Right now, he'd focus on just getting in and quietly examining the room, while the Chief of Medicine went about yelling at him for whatever a reason. He'd memorize it; from its desk to its, well…whatever else was in there. Then, when he went about infiltrating it on another shift, he'd be familiar with the setting.

Slowly, John raised his hand to the door, giving it a soft couple of knocks.

…

Okay. No answer. _Breathe, Doris. Just knock a little louder, that's all._ JD, deciding it was one of those occasions where listening to his inner monologue _wasn't_ a bad idea, knocked twice more.

But still no one answered.

"Dr. Kelso…?"

No answer.

"Sir…?"

Abandoning any sort of normal procedure, JD let his hand wander over to the doorknob, surprised to discover it open. Okay, Kelso was definitely not here. Perfect, yes, but John knew he would have to make it quick. There was no saying when the Chief of Medicine would return.

Quietly, and making sure to close the door behind him, the assassin crept into the office, bypassing the desk and heading over to the file cabinet. Why so many of the younger, less trained assassins would check a person's desk first, well, it was pretty obvious. It was viewed as the target's thrown; their stash of protected secrets and lies, but JD knew better. Scarcely would a person be foolish enough to keep their dirty laundry right there in the open like that, or in a drawer that couldn't even be locked. Yes, the file cabinets were always better to start out with. All of them locked and bland looking for a reason.

The brunet removed his shoe quickly, pulling out a small lock opener that he had been trained to carry on his being at all times, ever since being brought into the organization. Carefully, he went about breaking into the first drawer, managing to open it in mere seconds. "Arigatou," he muttered as the gold thing fell to the floor with a small thud.

Alright, now let's see. Well files, yeah…no surprise there. But files for what? Patients, JD realized after picking up the fifth one. All of them were patients; coma patients, to be exact, whose insurance was through the roof; patients that, the longer they slept, the more money the hospital would receive.

The more money_ Kelso_ would receive.

A sudden jingling made JD turn his head with a gasp. The brunet watched, horrified, as the doorknob began to open.

Oh, shit! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!

Okay, he had time. Kelso was using his key, thinking he had locked it; twisting it the wrong way and closing it rather than opening it. Four, maybe five seconds. Quick, quick, quick!

JD snatched up the lock in a hurry, slamming the cabinet and shutting it up tight. Okay, safe. Wait, no! Where was he going to hide!? Closet? Please!? Damn it, no! There was no place to hide in here!

Frazzled beyond belief, JD ran over to the desk, relieved to discover a place he could hide beneath it. _Okay, just calm down. No coughing, no sneezing, and while you're at it, no breathing! Just pray that Kelso doesn't stretch his legs out, otherwise, you are _screwed!

"Perry, if you don't stop harassing me about Miss Elaine, we are going to have a very serious problem."

_Huh? Who's Perry?_

"Now, Bob, I know that spot where your heart used to be is still aching over the fact that your father is none other than Satan himself, but this woman could die any day now, damn it! Her name needs to be at the top of that transplant list, and I really don't want to hear about her insurance situation, Bobbo, I don't. Because not everything around here is a money call. This is a life over death call! The kind of decision that, you know, _usually_ takes place within a hospital? 'A hospital, you say?' Why yes, Bob, a hospital. Not your own personal wallet!"

_Dr. Cox!? Oh, God! Wait…Dr. Cox's name is Perry? Ha, that's kind of fun. Perry. Perry Berry. Perry Ferry Cherry – Oh shit! _JD's eyes widened, horrified, as Kelso took a seat at his desk. The brunet pressed himself as far back as possible without being found out, avoiding the older man's impatient foot tap.

"Not a money call? It's not your ass who's in charge of keeping this hospital in order, now, is it? _Everything_ in this building is a money call! And guess who _makes_ those calls, Perry? Me!_ I_ make those calls. Now you have either two choices. You can get the hell out of my office, or...what the hell is that?"

JD's eyebrows came together, clearly confused, and while he couldn't actually see Dr. Cox for himself, he was pretty sure from the sound of his voice that his current expression matched his own.

"What?" he finally asked, unmistakably annoyed.

"That! On the floor there, damn it! Looks like a name badge."

A cold sweat broke out onto the intern's forehead as his hand leapt up to his chest to find…nothing. The place where his badge had been so carelessly pinned to was now empty. His frantic, desperate fingers gripped nothing other then scrubs material.

Oh – dear – _God._

It was done. Over. Ninety-nine missions he had accomplished. Ninety-nine. And now, on his one hundredth and final one, he had made one of the biggest blunders he had ever made. Would they know he was an assassin? No. But he'd sure as hell get fired, which would inevitably bring his under cover mission to a screeching halt. Which would bring his time as an intern to a screeching halt as well… Oh, God…

JD's entire body tensed as he heard Dr. Cox walk over to the item in question, Kelso having been too lazy to get up and look for himself.

"Well?" the oldest of the three barked. "What is it?"

Time ticked on without mercy, the silence it's only companion, as JD held his breath to hear the ultimate, "NEWBIE!" To be called out, kicked out, and turned completely and utterly away.

"It's mine."

If the brunet thought it impossible for his eyes to become any wider, well, he was just proven wrong. _Did Dr. Cox…did he really just –?_

"I'm sorry?" Kelso asked, clearly puzzled.

"It's my badge. Must've fallen off."

"Have you finally gone insane? Your badge is right there on your lab coat! Geez, Perry, how blind do you think I am?"

"I know where _my_ badge is, Bobbo, but this one's not _mine_-mine, get me? I scared the piss out of Nervous Guy earlier and took it as a trophy."

"Like I give a rat's ass. Now get the hell out of my office before I call security to drag you out."

"Fine, I'll leave, but only because you're leaving with me."

"Excuse me!?"

"If you want to deprive that woman of a heart, then you tell her yourself; face to face. I'm not doing it. I'm just not in the mood. This one's on your shoulders, whether you like it or not."

JD tried not to wince as a set of fists came slamming down angrily onto the surface that shielded him. "FINE! But you'll be getting no sympathy out of me in the process, do you hear me? If you're not going to tell her yourself, then I'll be more than glad to, but don't think for a minute that I'm just going to see her lying there and cave."

"I wouldn't expect such a human emotion from you, Bob. Never have, never will."

And just like that, the two stormed out of the room; their ranting and raving never once coming to a complete stop.

It was minutes before JD stood up from his spot beneath the desk. Minutes before he managed to register what had just taken place; minutes before he left Kelso's office, trance like, to make his way back over to the nurse's station. It wasn't until he was actually there, leaning against the counter, did everything really sink in.

He had no idea what caused it; why the auburn haired doctor would do such a thing, but it was true and it was there.

Dr. Cox had saved him.

Carla handed him a chart, for who he didn't know, but as he made his way towards the room it had indicated, his manner still rather zombie like, his brain could only process one very clear, very simple statement.

_God bless Perry Cox._

--

It wasn't a long conversation between him and his newest patient, so when JD left the room, mind still fogged from what had taken place only a mere fifteen minutes ago, he was surprised, to say the least, when a pair of strong, calloused hands grabbed hold of the back of his collar, dragging him roughly into the nearest supply closet and pinning him against the back wall.

"Now you better listen up, Newbie, because I am in no mood, you hear me? No mood whatsoever! I don't know what the hell you were doing in there, but –"

"You see, Sir, I wasn't –"

"CAN IT! I don't want to know! You know why? Because no matter how much you may wish otherwise, I don't really care! What I will tell you is this: If you ever so much as _think_ about sneaking into the _Chief of Medicine's office, one – more – time,_ I will not hesitate to run up to that God forsaken, crackle box of a loud speaker and scream to the entirety of the hospital as to where exactly you're currently keeping residence. For God's sake, Newbie, what were you _thinking!?_ Your second day as an intern and you're already playing games!?"

"N-No, Sir, I just –"

"What part of, 'I don't really care' are you not getting? Just don't let it happen again! Because really, Becca, we can't afford to have you thrown out of this hell hole, we can't, and that is _exactly_ what will happen if you try that little maneuver again, do you hear me!?"

"Y-Yes. Yes, Dr. Cox, loud and clear."

"Your damn right you do. Oh, don't look so relieved yet, Princess, because guess who just got the rest of their shifts doubled for the next two weeks?"

"…Me?"

"Atta, girl! Now, I'm going to leave you in here to have that mini breakdown you've just been dying to have since I pulled aside your sorry ass, but if you're not out in five, I repeat, _five minutes_, I will come back in here and triple those shifts, understand?"

JD nodded.

"Peachy!"

With a swoosh of white coat tails, the older man was gone, leaving JD to gawk in his wake. This time, it didn't take nearly as long for the intern to register what had just taken place. It wasn't the double shifts that left him unbelieving, or the fact that, despite his hatred for tongue lashings, and the fact that Dr. Cox was _really_ scary when he got that mad, he had just been served one of thee most horrifying rants of his life. Oh, no. It was one very simple comment that left him looking as shocked as he looked now.

_"Because really, Becca, we can't afford to have you thrown out of this hell hole, we can't, and that is _exactly_ what will happen if you try that little maneuver again, do you hear me!?"_

JD smiled, his newest mantra still going on strong.

_God bless Perry Cox._

_**A/N:**__ Just in case there was any confusion about the conversation between JD and Turk in the beginning: the show touches upon JD's dad leaving their family quite a bit, but they never get into the whole story with Turk's. I'm assuming his dad left them though, since Kevin reminds Turk that he paid his way through college for him. But in Season 2, Turk's dad called the apartment, so I'm assuming he left rather than passed away. (I'm also assuming he left since you meet his mother and brother, but never his father. If I'm forgetting something though, please feel free to tell me) Anyway, guess that's about it from me. Until next time!_


	4. Chapter 3

_**A/N:**__ Hey, guys! Before we begin here, let me once again thank you for all of the amazing feedback so far. It really helps keep me going, and I appreciate it sincerely. On a Scrubs related note, but not so much this story, the eighth season just came out on dvd earlier this week. If you have the time to do so, I would definitely get it! The extras are great, and there's footage of John C. McGinley paddle surfing, which is pretty awesome. :) Anyway, that's about it from me. Hope you enjoy the chapter!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 3:**

"_I wake up, it's a bad dream; no one on my side. I was fighting, but I just feel too tired to be fighting. Guess I'm not the fighting kind. Wouldn't mind it if you were by my side."_

_-A Bad Dream, by Keane-_

JD trudged into the men's locker room, tired and worn. Dr. Cox's punishment for sneaking into Kelso's office had done quite a number on him physically. Bags surrounded his eyes, his vision was beginning to blur from exhaustion, and he had definitely dropped a couple of pounds since the beginning of his shifts being doubled.

Turk had been practically throwing tantrums every night since Cox's verdict, telling JD that he was going to march in there the next day and give the older man an earful. Of course, the brunet had always managed to talk him out of it, though it definitely helped now that Carla was able to talk Turk in and out of things as well, seeing as how the two had gotten together over the course of JD's sentence.

However, that had not prevented Carla _and _Elliot from lecturing him on his foolishness for sneaking into the Chief of Medicine's office either, but he could tell by the way the blonde would bring him coffee or the glares the nurse had been sending Dr. Cox that they sympathized with him.

Yet even with all the back up he'd been receiving, JD _still_ couldn't bring himself to be mad at Perry. (Which, by the way, he still hadn't found himself bold enough to say the dreaded "P-word" out loud. He could only imagine what Dr. Cox would do if ever he dared to address the man by his first name, even if JD personally found it a nice one) The auburn haired doctor didn't double his shifts for the hell of it, he knew, and he had repeated the older man's words about not wanting him thrown out of the hospital over and over again; to remind himself that, despite all of the comments that said otherwise, he really _did_ care.

That didn't mean he wasn't completely and utterly exhausted though.

But today had been his last day of working over time, and the brunet was more than just grateful as he entered the men's locker room to rid himself of vomit covered scrubs and change into warm, comfy sweat pants.

Sluggishly, JD walked over to his locker, opening the combination and changing into new clothes. He blinked wearily at the now closed contraption, taking a seat on the bench in front of it. It was cool in here, he realized. Very refreshing from the humidity that had been the hospital's temperature for the last twenty or so hours. It was raining too, he suddenly noticed. The little window that was placed high above the lockers pitter pattered to life as the water banged against its glass, calming the intern immensely. Mmmm…so tired. He really couldn't wait to get home to the apartment. To crawl into bed and fall asleep to the comforting sound of rain. The last two weeks…he'd worked so hard…

_Beep, beep, beep!_

JD startled out of his stupor, his pager alerting him abruptly.

The brunet reached into his pocket, pulling it out in order to see who it was. Odd. No name; no number. Well, it could just be low on batteries or something. He'd go to the nurse's station and ask Carla if she knew who wanted him. They probably had some batteries up there too.

With a small sigh, JD stood up from his bench, making his weary way over to the nurse's station. He could not help but notice how oddly quiet the halls were as he made his way over, but shrugged it off. A lot of their patients were admittedly old, and it was extremely plausible that they were just sleeping at the moment, allowing their doctors some free time.

Finally, after what felt like a much longer, lonelier walk than he had predicted, JD arrived at the nurse's station, smiling when he saw Carla, despite her back being turned to him. "Hey, Carla. Do you know who just paged me? My beeper went off, but nothing showed up on the actual screen."

The intern was surprised, to say the least, when the woman he had been getting to know as attentive and caring turned around sharply, her eyes narrowed in obvious disgust. "You," she hissed venomously.

At first, the assassin simply stared, wide eyed. Surely she wasn't talking to him, was she? But after a few double takes over his shoulder, it became very apparent that her accusatory glare was aimed at none other than himself. "Me…? Carla, what are you –"

"Why are you even _here!?_"

"Huh? Oh, right. I know my shift ended, but my beeper just went off, which is why I'm still –"

"What!? You still have your pager!? I thought they took it away from you!"

"What? Wait…Carla, what are you talking about? Why would they take it away from me?"

"Don't you dare talk to me so casually! Not after what you did!"

JD swallowed, a nervous sweat breaking out onto his forehead. Oh, God…they knew, didn't they? Knew he was an assassin; knew he didn't really belong there. But how? How could they have found out? Sure, he'd made a few blunders already, but nothing so grave where they would know of his real profession, right? Still, he couldn't cave in. Not yet, anyway. "W-What are you talking about…?"

"Oh, don't you _dare! _Don't you _dare_ play innocent! You killed them! All of them! Every single one of your patients – _DEAD!_"

JD had been getting ready to confess; to tell her that he never in his life would have voluntarily signed up for such a profession as the one reality had thrown him into, but the nurse's last comment had prevented him from speaking. What did she just say…? "I-I'm sorry…?"

"You killed your patients! All of them! You killed them because that's what you are! A killer! A murderer! You're no doctor at all!"

"N-No. No, Carla, no. I-I would never do that. Carla…Carla, _please!_ I would never do such a horrible thing! You're right, I'm…I'm not a real doctor, and you're right; I have killed before, but only because I had to! And they…they were bad people, Carla, they were! But I would never kill my patients! Ever! Even the ones who _are_ bad people! I would never do that! I don't even like killing the targets that 'deserve' it, I swear! I would never in my life kill a patient, Carla! I wouldn't do that!"

"Liar! I trusted you! The whole hospital trusted you!"

"I trusted you."

JD turned around, eyes still wide and heart racing wildly. "Turk…? When did you…when did you get here?"

"I trusted you," he repeated, brown eyes mournful and lost. "I trusted you, JD. I thought we could be close, but then you murdered them. All of them."

"Turk, no! I don't know how this rumor started, but I swear! I would never do that! God, I don't even like being an assassin to begin with! I _hate_ it! So why in God's name would I turn around and kill people I'm not even forced to kill!?"

"So no one forced you to do this then…?"

JD watched, horror etched into every molecule of his being, as his new friend and roommate turned around to reveal the knife that stuck out of his back, the rusty metal covered in blood. "NO! TURK, NO!"

"I trusted you…"

Doe blue eyes filled with tears as he took in his friends last words. Shakily, he moved to catch the body that made its way to the floor, but two sets of strong, female hands prevented him from helping his friend. "LET GO! HE HAS TO BE TAKEN CARE OF!"

"NOT BY YOU!"

JD was turned around with a force he did not expect from the emotional wreck that was Elliot Reid, and tried not to let out a cry of pain as she reached up to slap him; her nails digging into his cheek on the way back down to her side. "Murderer! Filthy murderer!"

"I didn't! Elliot, _please!_ I would never in my life - !"

"What life?" Carla spat, brown eyes practically on fire. "Not the one you're living, no. Not anymore. That belongs to _them_ now."

"W-What? I don't…I don't understand. I –"

"GET HIM! DEVOUR HIM TILL YOUR VENGENENCE IS SATIATED!"

The assassin turned back around, skin pale and sleek with sweat, as the doors that lined the once empty hallways opened menacingly, revealing the corpses of the patients he supposedly killed. He let out a scream that he heard the two girls behind him laugh at, while the bodies made their way towards his own trembling form. From the corner of his eye, he saw Turk get up from the ground, only to turn vengeful eyes on him as well.

"NO! NO, _PLEASE!_ I DIDN'T DO THIS! I WOULD NEVER! YES, I'M GUILTY OF KILLING, BUT I _HATED_ IT! I STILL DO! BUT HONEST TO GOD, I DID NOT KILL _ANY_ OF YOU! I DIDN'T DO THIS! _PLEASE!_"

Hands were on him now, clawing viscously at his clothes and hair; screaming at him the word he hated most; the word he called himself before falling asleep every night; the word his inner monologue would fight against to no end. "Killer, killer, killer, killer, killer…"

"No, _PLEASE!"_

"Killer, killer, killer, killer, killer…"

"…Newbie?"

JD looked around wildly, the sound of Dr. Cox's voice penetrating his fear for a fraction of a moment, though it did not stop the bodies from clawing at him without mercy.

But even through the fear and the chaos, JD still couldn't help but wonder: Did he really deserve mercy? From anybody?

"JD…?"

"DR. COX! DR. COX, I'M HERE!" The brunet tried raising his hands from the mass of bodies that surrounded his own, not even knowing why it was he thought the older man would help him if he could. Maybe it was the semi-concern that laced the Irishman's tone; maybe it was the fact that, even in his current position, he still thought the man strong enough and capable enough to help him out of his predicament, but the advice that was next thrown his way made absolutely no sense for his current situation.

"Newbie, wake up."

"DR. COX, PLEASE! I DIDN'T KILL THEM!"

"What…?"

"I DIDN'T KILL THEM! I WOULD NEVER!"

"You're not a killer, JD. Come on, now. Wake up."

"DR. COX! HELP ME, PLEASE!"

"I'm right here, Gladys. Now wake the hell up. You're having a nightmare."

"PERRY!"

"Oh no, no, no, no; now _that_ we are just nee-_hot_ having."

A strong hand gripped the brunet's shoulder, shaking him roughly. JD tried to fight it, but its hold became stronger and stronger, and the more he screamed in defense, the more desperate the hold on him became.

"Shit, kid, this isn't funny. Wake up!"

"DR. COX, HELP!"

"You asked for it, Newbie… _**WAKE THE HELL UP!**__"_

JD's eyes snapped open at once, an all too familiar voice having finally broken through the horror that was his most gruesome nightmare to date. He was breathing very hard and very fast, he knew, but he couldn't seem to get control over his heartbeat. He had to think; he had to calm himself. Where was he? The locker room. Yes, the locker room. The rain – it was still going on outside; the sky no darker than it had been before he dozed off and into morbidity land. Okay, so he hadn't slept for too long. That was sort of good, right? But what was with the strong hands around his collar? Oh, Dr. Cox. …_Dr. Cox!_ So that part with him screaming at him to wake up, that was –

JD looked up into the two eyes that stared down at him. The first word that he chose to describe them as was angry, yet the harder he looked, the more he really began to see. But it just wasn't possible, was it? They almost looked…they almost looked _afraid._ "Dr. Cox…? I, um…"

"Um," was apparently the magic word, seeing as how the hands that had shaken him awake now let go of him in a hurry, shoving themselves back into the pockets of his lab coat. "Glad to see you're awake there, Sleeping Beauty. I know you were dying for your perfect prince to come along and give you that coma awaking kiss, but I'm just not that guy, get me?"

JD blushed furiously, not quite knowing how to respond to that one. Still, there was something missing from the older man's usual insults. The tone was different; the hard edge that usually outlined his words not quite there. "Dr. Cox, I –"

"Just go home, Newbie. And get some sleep, will ya'? I'm talking real sleep with no earth shattering nightmares, especially ones where you're calling out my name; e_specially_ my first name, understand?"

Still finding himself unable to look up and meet the older man's gaze, JD nodded.

"Good. Now get out of here."

The brunet didn't need to be told twice. Quickly grabbing his back pack, the intern swung it over his shoulders and hurried out of the locker room doors. He had originally planned on going home and getting some sleep, but maybe the latter part of that plan wasn't such a good idea anymore.

--

A whole three hours after arriving back at the apartment, and still JD found himself in front of the TV, one hand idly petting Rowdy while the other gripped the remote control. He'd been doing some heavy channel surfing, and was now determined to find some sort of action film. Anything that would keep his eyes open; the same pair of eyes he had been fighting against for the past hour or so.

A sudden tinkering at the doorknob stirred JD out of his trance. Turk. Thank, God. He was dying to see him ever since his nightmare. As foolish as it may have sounded to some, he just really wanted to see that he was okay. You know…_without_ the bloody knife in his back. Would he be able to tell him about the dream, though? Well, not all of it, of course, but maybe just a little. Then, after all was said and done, they could pig out and watch a movie or something. That would help keep him awake too.

Excitedly, JD turned around, guilty for feeling disappointed, and silly for feeling a little afraid, when Carla stepped into the apartment instead. Oh yeah – Turk had told him earlier that she was spending the night there since her own place was getting fumigated. JD didn't mind, of course, but he had really been looking forward to seeing Turk, not to mention the image of nightmare-Carla was still very vivid in his mind's eye.

"Hey, Bambi," she greeted calmly, a casual smile on her face. "Glad to finally be off? I tried coming in quietly, since I thought you'd be sleeping. I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"Huh? Oh, no. No, you're alright, Carla. I was just channel surfing, that's all."

"…Is that all you've been doing since you got home?"

"Yeah…"

JD looked down at his lap upon seeing the nurse's expression turn into a worried frown. Quietly, she walked over to him, placing herself beside him on the couch. It wasn't until he peeked over to look at her did she let out a small, surprised gasp. "Bambi, look at you!" The brunet had no time to respond before two, soft hands began cradling his face. Mmmm…warm. "Sweetie, have you looked at yourself lately? Your skin is paler than usual, and your cheek bones are definitely showing more than they were two weeks ago."

"Carla, it's fine, really. I'm off now, and I have off tomorrow too. I just need to catch up on some sleep and eat a little bit."

"I _told_ Dr. Cox that doubling your shifts for two weeks was too much, but did he listen? Oh, no. Not the great Perry Cox! I swear, that man is going to get another earful tomorrow. Well, maybe not, since he… Oh, never mind. Anyway, don't worry about anything, okay, Bambi? Carla will take care of you."

JD didn't really like the idea of Dr. Cox being lectured, especially after this afternoon, but he couldn't deny how great it felt to be mothered like this. It was an experience he had missed out on growing up, not to mention her current behavior did wonders in terms of ridding the image that was nightmare-Carla out of his head.

Moments after standing up and taking to the kitchen, the Latina nurse returned to the couch with a plate full of cookies. _When did she even find the time to make these?_ JD thought as he reached out for one, muttering a small but appreciative thanks in the process.

"JD…why aren't you sleeping right now?"

"Because I'm eating your awesome chocolate chip cookies?"

"I'm glad you like them, but don't try steering me away from the topic with flattery. Now tell me: Why aren't you in bed getting the rest you need?"

The brunet swallowed down his latest bite before answering the nurse's question, eyes turned away from her and back onto his lap. "I had a nightmare earlier…" The minute it left his mouth, he quietly hated himself for it. Here he was, a grown man and a trained assassin, sitting on a couch eating gooey, home made cookies, while confessing to his best friend's girlfriend that he couldn't go to sleep due to a bad dream.

Pathetic.

But the hand that reached up to comb away loose strands of hair had him feeling not so bad, especially when accompanied by the words that followed after. "JD...you're a new intern. You're going to get very stressed this upcoming year, and you can't afford to miss out on sleep."

"I have a feeling my year's going to be a bit more stressful than most interns'…"

"Bambi…a lot of interns get bad dreams. Even doctors who have worked there for _years_ still get hospital related nightmares from time to time. You don't have to feel embarrassed because it happened to you too."

JD smiled gratefully. Sure, she didn't know the whole picture, but she was right to a degree, wasn't she? "Thanks, Carla."

"Don't mention it."

"Hey…Carla?"

"Hmm…?"

"How did you know it was hospital related?"

"Oh, um…"

"C'mon, Carla, _please…_?" JD felt bad for the pout he next gave her, knowing her soft spot for puppy eyes with her combined love for gossip, but he couldn't help but feel curious as to how she knew what she obviously knew.

"Alright, well…I'm not really supposed to tell you, so you have to promise to keep it to yourself, okay?"

JD nodded immediately, popping yet another cookie into his mouth as he did so.

"Now don't get upset, Bambi, but Dr. Cox told me – just me, so don't worry – what happened earlier."

The brunet was shocked, to say the least, but upset? If Cox had gone and told everyone for the fun of it, then yeah, he would've been, but even without Carla's latest bit of information, JD just couldn't imagine the older man doing that. Both the doctor's earlier tone and expression showed him that his anger ridden attending hadn't found the situation a funny one. And while it was true JD had only been a part of Sacred Heart Hospital for a little over two weeks now, he was observant enough to know that Carla was one of the few people that Dr. Cox actually liked; one of the few people that he came remotely close to opening up to, so if he confided in her about the situation, then that must've meant that he really…

"He told me he had to wake you, and that it took quite a bit of effort. He also told me you were muttering things. 'Killer' and 'patients.' Things like that…"

_I guess he left out the part about me screaming his name, _JD thought with an odd combination of relief and something else he couldn't quite identify. Wait a second…if he really had been talking in his sleep, and Dr. Cox had heard him, then…Oh, no… "Did he, um…did he hear me say anything else?"

"What? Oh, no. That was it. But, Bambi…he asked me to leave early."

"Huh? I don't get it. What does that have to do with me having a nightmare?"

"He knows I'm staying with you and Turk tonight, Sweetie."

"I still don't get it."

Carla rolled her eyes, though there was a definite air of playfulness to it. "He was concerned about you! God knows he didn't say it, and I certainly can't sit here and tell you that he ever will, but…I think he sent me home to make sure you were okay."

"I – wait…really? Concerned? For…for me?"

The Latina woman nodded, her smile growing just a bit more as she did so. "Just don't tell him I told you, okay?"

JD nodded in agreement. There was no way he'd tell Dr. Cox based off of another person's assumption, even if said person was reliable. Besides, even if Carla _had_ been right in her way of thinking, telling him out loud that he knew he was concerned would quite possibly cause the older man to clam up once in for all; something he most definitely did not want to see happening any time soon. "Okay, I promise."

"Good. Now, how about you go and get some sleep for a while, okay? Turk was thinking of going out tonight, the three of us, so I'll have either him or myself come wake you up when he gets back. Sound good?"

JD reached over, embracing the nurse in a hug he both needed to give and needed to feel. "Thanks, Carla. I really appreciate it."

"Aw, it's alright, Bambi."

The brunet remained a part of the hug, enjoying the feel of her hands drawing soft, comforting circles onto his back, before finally letting go and getting up from his place on the couch. He smiled at her once more before heading into his bedroom, throwing himself on his lavender colored quilt with a sigh.

--

It was a few hours later when a soft knock aroused him from his sleep. "Come in…" he murmured into his pillow.

"Hey, man. Sorry to wake you, but we're getting ready to go out for dinner. You in?"

JD smiled sleepily at his friend in the doorway. "Definitely, man. Just give me a few minutes and I'll be ready."

"'A few minutes?' Please. We're not leaving for another hour, but I woke you up early for a reason."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Do you think I haven't noticed how much you obsess over your hair? There's no such thing as a 'few minutes' when it comes to your styling, is there?"

JD grinned sheepishly, matching the surgeon's playful expression. "Playa's gotta look good."

"'Sugar darling!'"

"'Giiiirl…!'"

The two laughed for a moment, JD finally pulling himself up into a sitting position, before Turk asked the question that, surprisingly enough, the assassin hadn't even pondered since awaking. "So, man, did you sleep alright?"

It was a moment before JD answered, his mind searching through his memory for any gruesome image that may have aimed to haunt him while he slept. It was one of the few times in his life where coming up blank felt really, really good. "Yeah," he finally answered, a grin breaking out onto his expression. "I slept great."

_**A/N:**__ I know a lot of this chapter consisted of JD's nightmare, but I really wanted to start showing bits of his life that illuminates how much his job as an assassin truly haunts him, besides the daily struggle; the right or wrong dilemma that is already hard enough. Anyway, that's about it. Hope you guys enjoyed it, and until next time! _


	5. Chapter 4

_**A/N: **__Well, not much to say this time around, other than the gigantic thank you for all of the many encouraging reviews! Balancing school, work and writing has been a challenge, but I managed to get another chapter done this week, so I guess that's something, right? Anyway, that's about it from me. Hope you enjoy the chapter!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 4: **

"_I hold on so nervously to me and my drink. I wish it was cooling me, but so far has not been good. It's been shitty and I feel awkward, as I should."_

_-Paralyzer, by Finger Eleven-_

It was early in the morning, and John Doris was alone, his mouth busily sipping at a cup of coffee while his clear blue eyes took to staring out the window of their small, two bedroom apartment.

Bliss.

No, John definitely didn't like to be alone. In fact, he rather hated it. But over the past two weeks, he hadn't had much time to sit down and gather his thoughts together, and there was definitely a lot to be thought about…

But today was his day off, and while he had planned on taking some time for himself, he knew he would also have to spend a good portion of the day thinking things through very carefully. Everything from what he had glimpsed in Kelso's office to the nightmare that had plagued him just yesterday in the men's locker room.

Ah, the nightmare. While thinking of the images his brain had conjured up for him during his state of unconsciousness was still admittedly gruesome, that was no longer where the core of his fear was coming from. It was the fact that, during his past ninety-nine missions, he had never once dreamt of those he'd been working with. Never had he feared the looks he'd be given if they found out; never had he feared so _immensely_ what they would think of him; how he being an assassin would affect them personally. Sure, the whole "point" of killing his targets, if you could even call it a true "point," was to save his peers and whoever else would have perished by the person in question. And yeah, he had gotten close to people before, but never once had he referred to any of them as his friend; as his _real_ friends. Never once had he felt so connected to a group of people such as the one he felt connected to now.

But the images of Turk, Carla, Elliot and yes, even Dr. Cox, had made him realize that, in terms of his colleagues, he was in far deeper than he had ever imagined himself to be in.

Of course, that thought led to another thought that needed pondering. Dr. Cox…

The older man had saved him yesterday. From a world his exhausted mind had created, yes, but he had saved him nonetheless. Still, the assassin couldn't help but worry over what would happen during their next encounter. After all, the man _had_ heard him scream his name, his _first_ name, out loud while sleeping. Would their already fragile dynamic become even more brittle? He really hoped not…

Then, of course, there were the files he had found in the Chief of Medicine's office, not to mention the conversation he had heard take place between Perry and Kelso. Dr. Cox could be a jerk, okay, but in no way shape or form did he not care about the patients. Kelso, on the other hand… It was becoming increasingly clear that the guy just straight out didn't give a damn, and if money was as precious to Bob as he made it sound like the day that John had hid himself under the desk, well, then those files really _were_ looking more than just a little suspicious…

So was that really it then? Was Bob Kelso using his position of power to milk the money out of people in need? Was he – dare he think it – _intentionally_ depriving those patients of the proper care, causing them to remain deep within their coma so that more money would fall into his pockets?

The thought made the assassin sick, but the brunet couldn't deny: It was really starting to look that way. Not only that, but he knew it was a crime big enough to catch the Organization's attention. They would undoubtedly view it as a perfectly fit situation to step in and eliminate the man.

Still didn't mean he wanted to though...

_Doesn't matter what you want now, does it? And stop complaining. This is your last mission! After this, you'll be free! And if Kelso really _is_ doing what you think he's doing, are you honestly going to sit here and say that he doesn't deserve to die? That his death wouldn't save a large group of people?_

_It doesn't matter if a person "deserves" it or not. Either way, it's not our job to decide. The Organization's _or_ mine._

_Pft, yours!? Don't make me laugh. It's never your decision, no matter what the case. You're just their puppet. You do know that, right?_

_Yeah…I know._

"Morning, Dude."

JD startled, not having expected the sudden intrusion on his thoughts, but welcoming the interruption all the same. "Morning, Turk. Sleep well?"

"Define 'well.' Now don't get me wrong: I love that my baby's curled up next to my side, but not being allowed _inside_-inside is torture! It wouldn't be that bad if we were back to the normal routine, but having her right there next to me in bed with the pants-on rule still in effect? Harsh."

"So did you get into a fight…?"

"Huh? Oh, no way. I mean, don't get me wrong – I want her and I want her bad, but I also _really_ like her, you know? It's not worth bringing up, at least not yet. I don't want to take the risk and, well, lose her…"

JD nodded thoughtfully. "I was actually just out here thinking about that…"

"What? About me and Carla sexing each other up? Dude, that's kind of –"

"No! I meant, you know…taking risks and losing people because of it..."

The brunet was surprised when Turk's response was a slow, knowing grin. "I know what this is about."

"I...wait, really?"

"Yeah, man. Elliot! You like Elliot, right?"

"I do…?"

"Oh please, dude. It's not that hard to figure out. You two are always talking to each other, you always eat lunch with her if I'm still in surgery, and when I'm _not_ in surgery, you always call her over to our table. Not that that's a bad thing, though. Hey, man, I like Elliot. She's cool. You know…in a super nerdy way.

"Anyway, you don't exactly strike me as a making-out-for-the-hell-of-it kind of guy, so I'm assuming you like her since Cox caught you guys making out in the on-call room."

Turk, who had been smiling during his last comment, was now running frantically over to his coughing friend. Trying not to hurt him in the process, the surgeon began hitting his back in order to coax the coffee safely down the throat of JD's choking form. "Whoa, whoa! Don't choke on me buddy, alright? Honestly, I didn't think that would upset you. God knows I'm not judging. I mean, c'mon man, I was excited for you! I did a whole song about it and everything. 'JD got some lovin'! JD got some lovin'! JD got some – '"

"Turk!"

"Sorry…"

"No, it's…it's fine. And it's not the making out idea that bothers me, but we never actually did! My head was on her lap, and we were talking, but…I never actually made out with her. I didn't even think about it, to be honest…"

"So then why did Cox say you did? He's definitely not a gossip orientated guy. Truth be told, he doesn't give a rats ass about what's going on in other people's personal lives."

"I don't know what he thought he saw, but he didn't! Wait a second…if Cox isn't into gossip, then how do you even know about it?"

"Oh, he didn't tell me. Just Carla."

"Well, that kind of makes sense, doesn't it? He sort of confides in Carla, so maybe that's all he was doing."

"Yeah, but why? If he doesn't give a damn about his interns, or anybody else, for that matter, then why did he tell her? Why even bother?"

JD frowned, his thoughts whirring wildly inside his head. Why _would_ Perry take the time to tell her that? Turk didn't have to tell him that Cox wasn't a busy-body. It didn't take much observational skills to figure that one out. So then if he really didn't care who was macking who, then why go and talk about it?

"'Morning, boys."

Surgical and Medical both turned around to see Carla emerge from the bedroom, tank top and pajama shorts in place.

"'Morning," JD responded while Turk went over to hug her from behind. "Hey, um…Carla? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Sweetie."

"Do you know why Dr. Cox told you about me and Elliot making out?"

The nurse wiggled out of the surgeon's hold just long enough to whack him on the shoulder. "Turk! I told you not to tell anyone!"

"The way Cox told _you_ not to tell anyone?"

"Okay, well…fine! But the only person I knew you'd tell if you even decided to tell was JD, and that wouldn't matter anyway since he was the one making out!"

"Guys! I never made out with Elliot!"

The bickering couple turned back to the brunet, Carla more surprised than her boyfriend. "Really? That's strange. Dr. Cox isn't the kind of person to just make things up like that…"

"No, I don't think he is either. He walked in on me and her talking, but my head was on her lap and our voices were kind of intimate… He probably thought he walked in on us coming up for breath, or something…"

"Well, that would explain it," Turk chimed in before turning his attention back to the woman in his arms. "But I still don't get why he would even bother telling you."

"Oh, he didn't come out and tell me straight away. He never does," Carla added, her free hand rubbing soft circles onto the shoulder she had hit just seconds ago, "but I've known him long enough to know when something's wrong, so I just coaxed it out of him, that's all."

"But why would JD and Elliot making out bother him? Are you telling me he's never caught somebody getting some in all the years he's worked there?"

"Well…when I finally got it out of him, he told me it was the image of their pale, nerdy bodies pressed against each other that would plague his nightmares for weeks to come. He growled and marched off after that, but…" the Latina trailed off, shrugging as she made her way towards the kitchen. "Dr. Cox is an interesting character," she started up after a moment of silence. "You guys can try analyzing him all you want, but his reasoning is harder to understand than most others. The only other person who ever had it down as much as myself would be Jordan, but that wasn't exactly a fairy tale ending, so maybe that's a bad example…"

"'Jordan?'" JD questioned, his curiosity over the situation rising. "Who's Jordan?"

"Dr. Cox's ex-wife."

"Cox was married!?" Turk asked in astonishment.

"Baby, you make him out to be this four headed monster. The man can be a pain, yes, but he's still a _good man._ It shouldn't come off as surprising that he used to be married."

"I wasn't really surprised at the 'used to be' part…"

"Turk!"

The surgeon wasn't particularly surprised that his girlfriend had shouted his name, but JD too…? The couple looked over, slightly taken aback, as JD turned an interesting shade of pink. "Well, I mean…he's really not _that_ bad. Besides, we don't really know him well enough to be judging him, I think. Carla's known him for years though, right?"

Carla nodded, a small, secretive smile taking over her expression. JD swallowed. For one reason or another, he wasn't particularly sure if he liked that look on her…

Turk, on the other hand, just took to rolling his eyes. "Whatever, man. I'm just saying: The guy's not exactly my cup of tea, that's all. Anyway, dude, enjoy your day off. Carla and I will be back around six-ish, but I was thinking we'd go out for drinks later. Want me to invite Elliot when I see her today? Okay, so you didn't make out with her, but my other points are still valid: You like her."

"I…haven't really thought about it."

"Well you'll get to tonight. So it's official then: You, me, my baby, and your soon-to-be-baby. Sound good?"

"Sure…?"

"Sweet."

JD finished his coffee in silence as the couple curled up on the couch together, munching quietly on a bowl of cereal as they listened to the morning news. Elliot and him? Together? Sure, the image of it was nice enough, but JD really couldn't afford to be in a relationship; not with his _real_ profession involved. It was a _very_ big no-no.

Still though, he had a whole year ahead of him. One night out at the bar couldn't hurt any…right?

--

JD, who was currently sporting a worn t-shirt and jeans, walked into the bar, expression hesitant, as Carla and Turk strode in much more confidently. Truth was that, John Doris, despite his age of twenty-six years old, had never actually gone to a bar. His job, his _real_ job, permitted him from drinking. Wasn't a good idea to have a drunken assassin on the loose now, was it? _I'll just order a soda,_ JD thought quietly. _I have work in the morning, so it won't look that weird._

Soon after taking their seats at the bar, Turk placed in the middle of JD and Carla, the bartender came over to them casually. "So what'll it be?"

"Raspberry Smirnoff," Carla answered with a returning smile.

"Just a beer, thanks," Turk responded friendly enough.

"Coke is fine."

Both surgeon and nurse turned to the brown haired doctor, inquisitive expressions on their face. "You can't just order a Coke, man! What the hell is that?"

"I have work in the morning!" _And if the Superior ever finds out about this, he would _not_ be happy._

"Dude, you don't have to be in till seven thirty. You'll be fine." Ignoring JD's latest protest, the bald headed intern nodded over to their server. "Cancel the Coke and make it a beer for Mr. Paranoid, please."

"I'm not paranoid," JD sulked. "I'm responsible." _And technically still on the job…_

Moments later and their drinks were set in front of them. Cautiously, JD brought the concoction to his lips. Beer. He'd never actually tasted it before. He smelt it enough; on his mother and his brother, of course, but never once had the stuff actually entered his parted lips.

After the first sip, he really wished he had kept it that way.

JD rubbed his teeth together, quietly disgusted. How in God's name was that better than Coke? But it was supposed to be a man's drink, right? And Turk definitely seemed to be enjoying his.

As if on cue, his roommate turned back to him, grinning. "Good, right?"

"…Yeah!"

"Dude, your eyes are watering."

"No they're not…"

"Yeah, buddy, they are. Beer not your thing? Why didn't you tell me that before I canceled your order?"

"First of all, I wouldn't have had the chance. And second of all, well…I never actually drank anything before…"

If JD didn't feel so embarrassed, he would have laughed at the complete and total shock that was Turk's expression. "You're kidding me, right?"

"No. Sorry, Turk. I guess I don't really make for a good drinking buddy…"

"Oh, c'mon man, its fine! I'm just surprised, that's all. Alright, so you haven't gone drinking before, but nothing's wrong with that! Tonight will be _your_ night then. We'll figure out what it is you like, so that next time when we come back, you'll feel more comfortable."

"Next time…?"

"Okay, so," Turk continued, completely ignoring his roommate's query, "What do you drink everyday?"

"I guess water."

"No, man, something with flavor. And don't say Coke. I got that one already."

"Uh…I guess juice?"

"'Juice?' What kinds of juice?"

"I don't know. Whatever's on sale…?"

Turk rolled his eyes. "_Flavors_, JD. I need flavors. What kind do you really like? What kind would you get no matter what?"

"Well, since I was a kid, I always really liked apple. But all kids like apple juice, right? So really –"

But that was all the information Turk needed to hear. "Barkeep! One appletini, please!"

"But easy on the tini!" JD interjected. "I have work in the morning!" _And you're an assassin under strict orders not to drink!_

"Don't listen to him! Slather that stuff in there!"

"Turk!"

"Elliot!"

Carla, who had been patiently quiet up until this point, was now waving over the bar's newest occupant.

JD couldn't help but grin at the drastic change in the two women's relationship. He remembered them fighting on his first day of work, and the tension that followed after had been palpable. It wasn't until his two weeks of punishment did both doctor and nurse really begin to bond with one another, and JD couldn't help but wonder if some of that was caused by them sharing similar amounts of concern for his well being.

That thought made him smile too.

"Hey, guys!" Elliot chirped, stumbling only a little as she walked over to them. "Wow, how cool is this!? I haven't had a night to just let loose and relax since our internship began!"

"Tell me about it," Turk agreed at once. "No night shifts tonight; no being on call. The only problem is waking our hung over selves up in the morning, but I've done it more than enough times to know I'll be fine. It's our boy JD here that we have to worry about."

It was the first time since she walked in that night did the two of them actually get a real chance to look at one another. JD couldn't help but feel a little underdressed in his jeans and t-shirt, what with Elliot sporting a hot pink, quarter sleeved button down, along with jeans that hugged in all the right places. _Pretty,_ he thought to himself. Pretty.

"And why do we have to worry about JD?"

The brunet blushed at her teasing, and managed to turn a fraction pinker when the surgeon brought his arm around him, pulling him close in a rough sort of embrace. "JD's never gone drinking before. He never even had a beer until tonight!"

Elliot's eyes popped. "Wow, really? And here I thought I was sheltered."

"I _really_ don't think I'm sheltered, guys…"

"Doesn't matter," Turk intervened. "Tonight's still your night, buddy, and we're gonna have us some fun."

It was at that moment precisely that the bartender brought out the brunet's appletini. He stared at it for a moment, startled by how green it was, but undeniably curious as to how it tasted. When he didn't reach for it, Turk leaned over, moving it closer to the intern in question. "Drink up, man. It's not a shot or anything, honest. Martini's like that won't really affect you."

JD's hand wrapped around the middle of the glass, cold and smooth, before drawing it nearer to his lips. _Screw it,_ he told his inner monologue.

When the liquid finally did hit his mouth, he had to try his hardest to suppress a moan. Mmm…sugary goodness! So these things were appletinis, huh? He'd have to remember that.

"So?" the three asked at once. "How was it?"

JD licked his lips, his tongue already tinged a slight green. "I'd kill for one of these."

It wasn't even three seconds later when he realize the irony behind his own words. He ignored the looks from his peers when he let out an amused yet slightly pained laugh.

--

His third appletini in, and JD was beginning to feel dizzy. No, he wasn't drunk. But he was a little tipsier than Turk had said he would be. Of course, if JD had taken the time to think about it for a moment, he would have realized that his body wasn't used to alcohol whatsoever, and its affects on him would be stronger and quicker than most. _Stupid inner monologue; forgetting to say no to my stupid coated "Screw it." Why didn't you remind me that I'm not a rebel?_

"Hey, buddy, you alright over there?"

JD turned to look at his friend, who was grinning at him kindly. _Turk's so great,_ the brunet thought happily. _I've never had a best friend before. I wanna hug 'im._

"Um…JD?"

_He's awesome. He's super awesome. I wanna give him a gigantic bear hug._

"JD? Dude…? What's with the dreamy smile, man?"

But before the doe eyed doctor could form a coherent response, his arms were wrapped tightly around Turk's middle, surprising even himself when he giggled into the bald man's shoulder. "Super chocolate bear hug!"

It wasn't until the two girls sitting near them started giggling did JD actually snap out of it. Quickly, the young doctor drew away, gaze turned to the floor as the embarrassing situation he had created for himself only managed to make his ears turn pinker with each passing second. Turk was an alpha male, and hugging him in public, plus the girly nickname, wasn't going to go over too well, even if he and the surgeon had been becoming incredibly close.

"Dude."

JD swallowed, still not feeling courageous enough to look up. Damn liquor.

"That's perfect!"

_Wait, what?_

The blue eyed intern looked up at once, clearly surprised by his friend's excited proclamation. "What…?"

"I like it! I'll be CB and you'll be VB."

"Huh? What does that mean?"

"Chocolate Bear and Vanilla Bear!"

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, man!

"Awesome!"

The two embraced again, alcohol flowing through their veins, while Carla and Elliot continued their giggling on the side lines. JD was so enraptured in the moment that he did not notice the bar's bell jingle to life, the annoyed growl, Carla's little wave, or the tired, weary footsteps that approached them.

"Now here I thought I'd go on over to my favorite bar and get away from the many faces I am forced to interact with on a daily basis. But whaddya' know? The three princesses and their knight in shining armor are all here waiting for me. Seems prince charming has already chosen his special someone, though. Gosh, darn it, that's really gonna break Barbie's heart, you know that Newbie? What an incredible tease you are."

Doctor and Surgeon broke apart at once, Turk's embarrassment morphing quickly into frustration, while JD tried looking anywhere other then the older man's gaze.

"What're you doing here?" the surgeon suddenly demanded.

Dr. Cox crossed his arms, but not before giving his nose a solid flick. "'What am I doing here?' Now that's a good question there, Gumball. What _am_ I doing here? Well, let's see if we can figure this one out together, shall we? I drink. This is a bar. I'm a doctor. This is a bar _right across_ from the hospital. I don't know, Gandhi, this one's a real toughie. How about I just leave it up for you to figure out? I'm thinking that even your pea sized, surgeon brain will eventually be able to come up with an answer."

Turk scowled, but said nothing more than that. With a small nod to Carla and a glance that JD could only identify as anger aimed in his direction, the older man stormed off to the farthest barstool from the four of them, ordering what sounded like a scotch.

"What did that mean?"

JD turned to Elliot, leaving Carla to try and settle Turk down from the rant he had just been served. "What did what mean?"

"Dr. Cox…he said that you hugging Turk would break my heart. What did he mean by that?"

Later, JD would curse himself for wishing for an interruption; anything that would prevent him from having to spill about Cox having caught them "making out." But when his young, blue eyes caught the hardened stare that was his Superior from across the now very crowded bar, JD stumbled backwards, letting out a scream he did not expect to sound so incredibly horrified.

"JD!"

His name filled his ears all at once, the voice's various owners all differing from one another. His Superior, completely dressed in black, had found him at the bar. He had picked a corner and waited, patiently waited, for JD to notice him there. He had waited with his gaze ever on him; had waited to just…to just what? Make eye contact? But why? Never had the man showed up for one of his missions before. Never had he felt the need to track him down, just to let him know he was watching. Yes, drinking was against the rules, but to the extent of the Superior actually making an appearance?

"JD! JD, talk to me!"

The intern blinked, looking up from his scattered position on the floor to find three sets of worried eyes staring down at him. "S-Sorry. I thought, I…I thought I just…I-I don't know…"

Elliot backed away a little, allowing Turk to help him up and Carla to place a hand on his forehead. "I'm, um…I don't think I'm sick," JD managed. "I just…I don't know. I just sort of…I thought I saw…"

"It's okay, man, alright? It really is. We've had a good night. How about we just go home now, okay? Work tomorrow and all of that."

"Y-Yeah. Yeah, okay. Um…yeah."

The three walked close to their shaken friend as they made their way over towards the bar's exit. It wasn't until they were almost out did JD turn around to see if his Superior was still watching him from a distance. He wasn't, but Dr. Cox was; his eyes still angry, yes, but there was something else there too. It wasn't until JD was in the passenger seat of his own car did he realize what it was.

Concern.

_**A/N:**__ I know the nicknames between Turk and JD might've come off as a little forced, but I really wanted them in there. It's classic Scrubs, and I couldn't go through this story without adding those loveable nicknames into the plot. Anyway, that's about it from me. Until next time!_


	6. Chapter 5

_**A/N:**__ Hey, guys! Not much to say this time around other than a very sincere thank you for all of the feedback so far. I know you guys might think I say that more out of obligation than anything else, but trust me when I say it's appreciated. Anyway, there's a bit of a longer author's note at the end of this one, so I'll stop myself here. Hope you enjoy the chapter!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 5: **

"_Someone hit the light 'cause there's more here to be seen. When you caught my eye I saw everywhere I'd been and wanna go to."_

_-An End Has a Start, by the Editors-_

JD walked into Sacred Heart, mouth oddly quiet and head uncharacteristically low.

Waking up really hadn't been that bad. Only a bit of a headache had greeted him, but light and loud noises weren't really troubling, much like Turk had predicted. What bothered him today, however, was the mental image of the Superior leaning against the far off wall of the local bar, arms and legs crossed, his stare as frightening as ever. JD shivered. Would he show up here today? At his new place of work? He really hoped not…

He had thought of calling him, of course, but it seemed too soon after the occurrence. Besides, he knew very well that if their leader wanted to discuss what had taken place, he would not hesitate to give him a ring…

The other thing that bothered him, yet in a weird way, pleased him, was the look he had caught on Perry's expression last night. Concern. It had most definitely been concern. JD had a feeling that such a look was usually reserved for the older man's patients, yet last night he had gotten one of his very own, even if the curly haired doctor hadn't meant for him to see it. Still, he hoped that the two second exchange wouldn't make their next encounter awkward, especially what with not having worked with him since his nightmare in the locker room…

"Hey, there."

JD looked up just in time to see Elliot leaning casually against the nurse's station. He smiled, glad that the blonde had decided against holding his blunder from last night against him.

"You look much better than you did last night."

"What a lovely sentiment."

Elliot rolled her eyes. "I meant by the _end_ of last night. Your color's back and you seem a lot calmer."

"Oh. Right. Sorry, Elliot, and thanks. I guess I just sort of…freaked out a little."

"'A little?' Did you even hear yourself scream?"

JD flushed, eyes darting to the one nurse that loved gossip even more than Carla. "Shhh!" he finally managed. "Do you want the whole hospital to know I practically fainted?"

"Sorry," she whispered back. "Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Oh yes, we're all so very, very happy that Lucy was able to fall without chipping one of those manicured nails of hers, we are, but listen up ladies; now is not the time to be exchanging pie recipes or whatever other home baked goods you have stored away in one of your flower stenciled cabinets, it's not. Last I checked, this was a _hospital,_ and gossip time at the nurse's station is now oh-_ficially_ over." JD jumped as Dr. Cox turned away from Elliot, rounding on him while letting out a sharp whistle in the process. "Newbie!"

"Yes?"

"Grab that chart and follow me; though I'm guessing you were going to do the latter of those two already, weren'tchya'?"

JD tried not to turn any pinker as he reached for the nearest chart, running after Dr. Cox to whatever new patient was laid out for them today. Well, at least it wasn't awkward.

--

"So Dr. Cox, about last night –"

The patient in question was another two hallways down, and while it was true that JD didn't want either of them to feel uncomfortable after what had transpired the night before, the brunet just wasn't the kind of person to not talk about one's feelings; especially if it meant that discussing something would eventually lead to a better place.

Unfortunately, he wasn't given much of a chance.

In one, swift motion, Cox turned sharply on his heels, forcing JD to come to a complete and utter stop with a small, hopefully inaudible squeak. "Listen up, Newbie, and listen up well: I don't know what the hell is going through that moussed up head of yours, but if something's wrong with you, then you need to man up and see a doctor – 'cause God knows _you_ can't treat yourself – and get it taken care of."

"Wait…what?"

"You know, a doctor? One of those people that wear the pretty white coats? They carry shiny charts around and make the owies go away. Any of this sounding familiar? It better be, because if you're having hallucinations and panic attacks and nightmares to the extent of me having to shake the living beejeezeses out of you, then you need to get that looked over. And puh-_lease_ don't mistake that statement for concern. Thing is, there are patients here in need of capable, competent doctors. I can't have one freaking out on them during a middle of an examination, especially if it's a gomer who would have a heart attack due to even the smallest amount of surprise. So get it together there, Ethel, and get it together soon."

JD stood, quite surprised by the auburn haired doctor's most recent rant. Panic attacks? Hallucinations? What in God's name was he - ? _Oh._ If Dr. Cox wasn't still staring at him dangerously, he would've been tempted to laugh. Okay, well, maybe not, but still…

Either way, the older man's point of view was becoming increasingly clear. Well, the nightmare thing he'd give him. He'd had a multitude of them in the beginning of his "career," and even though he was scarcely plagued with them anymore, the one he had in the locker room was intense, to say the least. And since Dr. Cox was there to witness it, well…he couldn't really blame him for that one.

Of course, he couldn't blame him for the other two assumptions, either. Last night, JD's freak out could have easily been interpreted as a panic attack, especially from a doctor's perspective. Hallucinations though? Oh, that's right. When he had fallen, still in something of a daze, he'd made quick mention of seeing something. Or rather, someone… Cox undoubtedly heard, and most likely thought the "hallucination" the _cause_ of JD's anxiety attack. Not that the assassin wasn't stressed beyond belief, but he had ridden himself of such panic attacks years ago.

So yes, Perry's way of thinking made complete sense. The one thing he wasn't buying, however, was that the older man was not worried. JD remembered quite clearly the look of fright on Perry's face when first he woke him up from his nightmare. He could also, of course, remember the look of concern he had caught from him the night before. Nor had he forgotten Carla's words about the older man sending her home to quite possibly check up on him.

But as Dr. Cox turned back around to continue his march down the hallway, face still painted with obvious annoyance, the brunet knew that, in the end, it was most likely his own, wishful thinking…

JD didn't know how long he'd been lost in his thoughts, but he was suddenly aware that both he and his mentor had stopped walking, and that said mentor was currently talking to him. "– is here for heart palpitations and shortness of breath. I want you to take his vitals while I run down to the lab and –" but JD was no longer listening.

Upon hearing "heart palpitations" the intern had looked up at the patient in question, ready to give a small, comforting smile. But then his eyes connected with that pair of hazel, the smile on the patient's face charming to most, but undeniably devious to the brunet that stared back.

A sharp whistle brought him back to the moment at once. When he turned to Dr. Cox, the older man was glaring at him. No surprise there. What was a surprise, however, was the glare he then gave to the patient. It was suspicious, JD realized, quietly amazed that the man sensed something underneath the surface of his so-called patient's charisma. Well, maybe it shouldn't have surprised him too much. After all, it _was_ Dr. Cox he was talking about.

"Tell you what, Newbie," the older man started up suddenly. "How about you go run down to the lab and I'll stay here to get the guy's vitals."

"I can do it," JD responded quickly, trying to be both casual and appreciative at the same time. "Remember? I'm your wing man, Maverick!"

Cox gave a short growl, and with one more look to the person in bed, he turned and left the two of them alone, coat tails flying behind him.

For a long moment, the two just stared at one another. One brown haired man in bed, still grinning, while the other stood at the front, expression obviously annoyed by his presence. Finally, the patient spoke. "John."

"Sean. What are you doing here?"

"The Superior sent me. Who else?"

"Why!?" the brunet was surprised by the tone in which he asked the question. Very rarely did the assassin lose his patience, but this was getting ridiculous. "Why would he send you? To what, check up on me? I think he did a good job of that last night."

Much to the doctor's frustration, the other assassin just laughed. "So I heard. Gave you a scare, huh?"

"Shut up…"

"Well, he wasn't sure how much you'd been drinking; he didn't even know if you'd remember in the morning, so he sent me to tell you that, if you drink on the job again, you're going to be punished."

John ignored the small twist his stomach gave at the last five words of his co-workers statement and pressed on. "First of all, I wasn't even drunk, but fine. I won't go drinking again. It's really not that big of a deal. Second of all, I'm not…I'm not buying it."

Sean raised his eyebrows in mock inquiry. "Oh? Is that what I should tell the Superior when I return to him then? That you think he's full of shit?"

The brunet scowled, though in truth, it probably looked more like a pout. "That's not what I meant! Sean, can we stop harassing each other for two seconds and talk? You and I both know that the Superior would never just show up at a mission – mine or anybody else's – if it wasn't for an important reason. He could have easily called me whenever it was he knew I was at the bar and told me not to drink. I bet he could've called me before we even ordered. I broke the rules, okay, but it wasn't worthy of a visit, and it's not worthy of this either."

It was a moment before the man across from him spoke, but when he did, the venom from earlier was gone, replaced by a sort of weariness that, despite not liking the guy, JD could completely sympathize with. "I don't know," he finally responded. "When he came back and called me into his office, he told me he wanted me to come here today to warn you, like I said earlier. But when he first told me, I thought it was…I thought it was sort of bizarre. For the same reasons you did, believe it or not. I didn't get why he'd go to such lengths, or why he wouldn't just call you. And when he told me the story, it sounded kind of like…"

"What?" JD asked, body stiff with tension. "Sean, please – what did it sound like?"

"If you so much as utter –"

"You know I won't. It doesn't matter that we don't like each other; you know I would never take it that far. Please, Sean, tell me. What did it sound like?"

"…It didn't sound like he went to that bar to spy on you. It sounded like…it sounded like he was already there to begin with."

"'Already there?' So wait…he was…he was waiting for me then?"

Sean shook his head, looking just as contemplative as the scrubs cloaked assassin. "I doubt it. He trusts you as an assassin, for whatever reason. I personally don't think you're –"

"What's the point, Sean?" JD asked with a sigh.

The hazel eyed patient gave his co-worker a sharp look, but went on all the same. "I don't think he was waiting for you. I think he was there and then you happened to show up. And then…then I think he just used it to his advantage."

"So then if he was already there to begin with, why was he _really_ there? Not to drink, obviously."

"Well maybe that's just it then," Sean intervened. "Why he used you showing up to his advantage."

"…To cover up why he was really there."

"Exactly."

The silence was palpable as the minutes ticked by, their latest conversation stirring wildly within John's mind. Finally, he spoke. "Tell him I'm sorry," he said quietly. "And you can let him know that I won't be drinking again, too. It really isn't…it really isn't that big of a deal."

The glint of challenge that had left Sean's eyes earlier came back at once, the corners of his mouth turning upwards. "Yes it does. Not the actual drinking, anyway, but the whole socializing thing. You like pretending that they're actually your friends."

"Shut up, you…you gorgeous bastard, you."

Sean's grin just widened. "You were never very good with the comebacks."

"Oh yeah? Well…so's your face! Ha! There! I win!"

It was precisely after JD's excited proclamation that Dr. Cox walked back into the room, face inquisitive as he once again took in the patient on the bed. "Lab results should be back soon. Newbie, come."

With one look back at his fellow assassin, JD followed Dr. Cox out of the door, the information he'd just received about his Superior still on loop inside his head.

--

A few hours later and JD was sent to the lab. Usually, when given a command by Dr. Cox, the young brunet wouldn't stop running until said assignment was accomplished, but knowing that the results for their "patient" would be absolutely fine, the intern found himself walking casually towards his destination, for once not in a rush to retrieve something for the man he was always aiming to please.

"Crazy morning?"

JD smiled as the blonde came up beside him, handing him a cup of coffee as she took to sipping at hers. "Thanks. And yeah, kind of."

"How so?"

"I guess you can say it's been full of surprises…"

"Mmm…tell me about it. Did you see that new patient in room 401?"

JD tried not to choke on a mouthful of hazelnut as the number to said patient's room sunk in. "'401?' The guy with the heart palpations…?"

Elliot's eyes seemed to glaze over at the very mention of him, cold hands gripping just a little tighter around her cup of coffee. "He's so gorgeous, isn't he? I swear, I've never been so into a patient before. I wonder if he –"

"NO!"

Elliot stopped mid stride, turning back to look at her fellow intern, who had also come to a complete stop. "'No?' JD, what on - ?"

"I…I don't like him. Elliot, just…just don't, okay? He's my patient, so I've been around him long enough to get an accurate reading, and he…he gives me the creeps. I don't trust him, and you shouldn't either."

JD was surprised, to say the least, when the expression of shock morphed into that of total fear. It wasn't until the familiar sound of a sharp, piercing whistle hit his ear drums did he understand the reason for Elliot's sudden look of alarm.

"Newbie! Did I _not_ tell you to go and get that guy's lab results?"

For a moment, JD could only gawk. When did Dr. Cox get there? How long had he been listening to their conversation? And why did it even _matter_ how long he'd been listening? "I'm sorry. I was just –"

"I don't want to hear an apology, Janet. What I want is for you to stop chatting it up with your gal pals when there's work to do!"

"Dr. Cox, I –"

"Save it, Krissy. You just got your shifts doubled for the next week."

"What!? Dr. Cox, I was on my way! I just stopped for a second because –"

"Because you can't make it through an entire shift without another helping of elbowy sex, can you?"

JD was surprised, but relieved, when Elliot stepped in then; voice trembling only a little. "Dr. Cox, he wasn't –"

"Move it, Barbie! Unless you want your shifts doubled too!"

With an apologetic look towards the brunet, the young intern scampered off, leaving JD to deal with the storm that was a more than usual angry Dr. Cox.

"Now go get those lab results, you hear me? And no more stopping for tea parties along the way."

JD watched him go, teeth grating together and fists curled at his sides. Despite all the names people called him, despite all the fear, the brunet had never once caved into the mumblings. Never once had he allowed others to decide for him whether or not Dr. Cox was a good person. Even when Turk freaked out, he still refused to give in. But what excuse could he make up for him now? What care was in his latest punishment? There was no meaning behind what had just taken place; no secret lesson that Dr. Cox was simply trying to teach through a manner of tough love. He was just being mean. There was nothing more to it than that.

As quickly as it had come, the anger left JD with a slump of the shoulders, leaving in its wake something even worse: disappointment. Sincerely, he'd thought more of the older man. Thought that the harsh words, the nicknames, the rants…thought that all of it was no more than a hard outer shell. He thought that he was more than just a good doctor, but a good _person_, even if he did have trouble showing it. But now, all he could see was someone taken over by bitterness, and it left _him_ feeling bitter too. So much had he admired him. Hell, he _still _did, but the part of JD that saw him as a person who secretly cared was slipping away, and the mere thought of that leaving him left the intern feeling alone; vulnerable.

It left him feeling as though his heart had just been broken.

--

Hours later, and JD was almost off. His punishment wasn't in affect until tomorrow, thank God, so he'd be able to go home and rest up in preparation. Finally at the locker room, his earlier realization about Dr. Cox still weighing heavily on his heart, the brunet slumped down on the bench nearest his own locker, sighing heavily as he did so. It wasn't until the door opened with a crash, followed by an angry voice, a _woman's_ voice, did the intern hide himself behind a row of beat up metal, hoping that the owner's of said voices – voices that he would recognize from a mile away – would not find him standing there, listening.

"You honestly expect to treat him like that and just get away with it!?"

"You do realize that you just followed me into the _men's _locker room, right?"

"I don't care. Now listen – you can't just go around treating him like crap because you're jealous!"

"Now hold the phone there, Sister! I am _not_, nor will I _ever_ be, jealous_._"

"Uh, yeah – you are."

"No. I'm not."

"Yes, you are. And you're punishing him for something that's entirely _not_ his fault!"

"I punished him because he was goofing around when he was _supposed_ to be doing work!"

"Oh, cut the crap, Dr. Cox. You know full well he was on his way. He stopped for just two seconds, and you pounced. Why were you even there to begin with?"

"I was going to the lab because he was taking longer than usual, so I wanted to know what the hell was going on!"

"So basically, you were worried about him?"

"Hell no!"

"You're so full of it."

"Carla, you're _really_ pushing it…"

"No, _you're _pushing it. I understood when you doubled his shifts a few weeks ago; you were worried about his safety and you didn't want to see him get kicked out, but this is getting ridiculous."

"It's not, it's –"

"What? What is it, then? Dr. Cox…when you and Jordan split up, I could not even describe to you how afraid some of the people in this hospital were of you for a while. You were a walking hurricane. But I defended you. I defended you because, despite everything that was going on, you were still a good doctor; you didn't let your personal life get in the way of taking care of your patients. You were mean and unfair to everyone around you, but even then, it was understandable. I defended you because I knew you were going through a hard time. And I'm always defending you, you know that? But I can tell you the one person I've never had to defend you against. It's Bambi, Dr. Cox. Never once have I had to convince him that you're a good person, because guess what? He already knows. But what could I say to him today, when he came up to the nurse's station looking like someone had just trampled over whatever stamina he had left? Oh, he couldn't say it; couldn't say what he was really thinking, but it was there. You hurt him so much, and I couldn't find a single word to defend you; not a one."

There was a long silence before the older man responded, and when he did, he spoke with a tired sort of calm that the brunet had never heard from him before. "You didn't hear him, Carla."

"What? What didn't I hear?"

"When Blondie talked about that patient…you didn't hear his reaction. You didn't hear how jealous he sounded."

JD distinctly heard the sound of two people sitting on a bench; could hear the complete and total tranquility that had taken over the Latina woman as well. "Dr. Cox…I understand, I do, but you can't punish JD for not knowing what's going through your head. You can't punish him for worrying about a friend's safety. Because honestly? I think that's all it was. Now you can sit here and give it a bigger meaning, if you'd like, but I know you, Dr. Cox. There's a part of you that likes this being miserable. And as your friend, I hate seeing it, but in the end, it's really up to you. I can only sit here and try and understand, but…that's it. Everything else is essentially up to you."

It was another moment before the nurse stood from where she'd been sitting, her light footsteps making their way over towards the exit. She was stopped, however, when Perry's voice came after her. "I'll page him," he grumbled wearily.

"What?"

"I'll page him so he knows not to come in early tomorrow. I'll…I'll take it back. But I'm not doing any more than that."

"Well, at least it's a start," she responded with what sounded like a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, fine."

"Bye, Dr. Cox."

"Bye, Carla."

Silence encompassed the room as JD continued to hide himself, the conversation he just overheard taking over his mind completely. His heart leapt wildly beneath his chest; the pieces from earlier gravitating towards one another in glorious repair. A part of him felt horrible, of course. He had doubted him, and more than anything, he really wished that he hadn't.

Still, it was wonderful to hear that he cared. But…to what level? It was the question that had JD's mind a mess of thoughts, and it was also, he suddenly realized, the very same reason that had shattered his heart only hours ago. Admiration for the older man had been there since day one, but was that really the only thing to it? Was there something else he'd over looked? Something else he hadn't realized until now?

Just as he was getting ready to sigh, a loud, familiar beep filled the silence around him. JD froze, the older man's words from only a minute ago coming back and hitting him hard.

_"I'll page him so he knows not to come in early tomorrow."_

And, as far as JD knew, Perry had yet to leave the locker room.

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

JD didn't even bother turning around as angry, hesitant footsteps came up from behind him, their owner stopping dead once they recognized who stood there listening. "Oh, Newbie," the voice threatened, tone dangerously low, "You are in bee-_hig_ trouble now."

_**A/N:**__ First and foremost, I apologize for the cliffhanger. To be honest, there are worse ones to come, but not every chapter is going to end like that, I promise. So okay, it's about time I answered this question in a proper author's note: I know a lot of people are divided on this subject, but this story is going to be JD/Cox. To be honest, I wasn't sure it was going to go that way when I first came up with the plot. However, like most of my stories, I figured out how I wanted it to end before I was even done with the first two chapters, and, in my mind, I think it'll have a bigger meaning if these two are romantically involved. (Not to mention I also wanted to challenge myself a bit with this dynamic) Anyway, for readers who aren't into this particular pairing, I can at least tell you that this story won't lose it's original concept (assassin!JD) So maybe you'll stick with me on this one…? Anyway guys, I hope you enjoyed the chapter all the same. Until next time!_


	7. Chapter 6

_**A/N: **__Before I get started here, I just want to thank you guys for being so supportive about the main dynamic in this story. I know opinions on the matter vary, but thanks for understanding and giving me the opportunity to challenge myself. I really do appreciate it. Anyway, that's pretty much it from me. Hope you enjoy the chapter!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 6:**

"_The world is spinning way too fast. The entire human race will float into space, so fill your shoes with cement, and kiss the one you love with reckless abandonment."_

_-Reckless Abandonment, by The Spill Canvas-_

It wasn't until Dr. Cox's fist smashed against a nearby locker did JD decide that high tailing it out of there would be a much better solution than standing stock still. Without looking back, the young intern darted towards the exit. Not hearing a set of footsteps behind him, JD began to relax. Almost instantly, he regretted his decision, the older man darting quite suddenly out from another section of lockers, placing himself in front of the intern's only means of escape.

"Oh no you don't, Newbie. Not on my watch."

JD swallowed, his heart dropping to the bottom of his stomach. Oh, God… Never in all of his ninety-nine missions had he found himself in such an odd predicament. Of course, he knew how to get away from people if trapped, but this wasn't an assassin related issue. What was he expected to do; karate chop the guy for being pissed because he eavesdropped? Not likely.

Much faster than JD had anticipated, the Irishman charged forward, body language sending waves of terror through out the young doctor. Perry wasn't an assassin, okay, but he definitely had a build that could start up the "Red Alert" signal in _anybody's_ mind.

JD ran at once, but to where? Not towards the exit, no. Dr. Cox had left it in order to get to him, but in turn, he had chased JD farther away from his only route out of there. And, well…the locker room wasn't the best place for hiding.

"Get the hell back here, Newbie!"

Oh, shit.

Feet still running to whatever-which-way, JD's head began to swivel, desperately trying to find a place that would keep him out of the older man's grasp. Ah, the showers! How had he not thought of that yet? Well, there was only a curtain to hide behind, of course, but they weren't transparent, so it was doable.

"Newbie! If you do not stand still for _two seconds,_ I am going to chop you into little Newbie-Cubes and hang you from my rear view mirror!"

Nuh-uh, no way! That was only going to happen if he _did_ stand still!

"_NEWBIE!_"

Pulse racing, JD lunged for the closest shower. It wasn't until his hand reached the plastic curtain did he completely lose his balance. Desperately trying to stay up right, the brunet reached out for anything he could grab a hold of, his hand making contact with none other then the shower knob. Bottom landing with a painful thud on the linoleum floor, JD shivered as a stream of cold water poured down on him, yet he knew another reason why he shook; why his arms flew out to cling to the sides of the shower's walls, his body tight and cramped as he backed up all he could, soaked and shaking.

Dr. Cox had caught up to him.

There were a number of things he could've done to get out, but all of said moves would've left Perry in too much pain. Nothing fatal, nothing long lasting, but he certainly didn't want to inflict that much brutality on the doctor he so admired, nor did he want his cover blown. So when Perry's calloused hand reached out to grab a palm full of his soaked, brown locks, JD merely closed his eyes; his entire body tense as he waited to be dragged from the shower, pulled up right, or whatever other painful procedure the older man had planned for him.

One second, two seconds, three seconds, four – nothing. Nothing was happening but the subtle twitch of Perry's fingers as his hold on the brunet's hair went from tightly gripped to relaxed. JD, eyes still closed in preparation, could not help but realize that it was beginning to feel, well, _nice._ It made him think of the more intense massages he'd seen on TV. The ones that start out looking borderline painful, but then the person begins to relax into the feel of it all, going so far as to moan in pleasure when the hands that work on them hit that certain spot just right.

JD bit the inside of his mouth, stopping himself from humming. He couldn't relax! He couldn't afford to! The only reason Dr. Cox had yet to make a move was because he was still deciding what to do with him. The pain would come soon though; he was sure of it.

"It's a lot better this way; without all of that girly product. I can actually feel strands of hair instead of overly gelled twists."

"It's mousse…" JD muttered, eyes shutting tighter after realizing he had just talked back. But instead of the inevitable pull of hair he was so sure that would follow, JD heard footsteps approach him. Opening his eyes just a little, the young brunet was surprised to find the older man now inside the shower as well; lab coat sticking to his frame as he continued to stand over JD. His brown-red curls were dripping, his face looking oddly indecisive; an expression Dr. Cox scarcely wore.

"Perr –? Ow!"

The hand in JD's hair tugged a little, its owner's expression going from thoughtful to annoyed, though the edge that laced his most common look wasn't quite there. "No first name, Newbie. I thought I told you that already."

"It slipped!"

Another moment of silence passed by, and JD could not help but wonder what exactly was going through the Irishman's mind, or if he ever planned on letting go of his hair. Almost having forgotten about the constant stream of cold water that was pouring down on them both, JD was surprised when his teeth began to chatter. Almost instantly, the hand twined between his locks now moved to his armpit, the other hand darting towards the second as well.

JD was lifted to his feet, the grip on him rough but not painful, as Dr. Cox stepped out from underneath the shower head, dragging the intern with him. JD hugged himself as he silently watched his mentor twist the nozzle, leaving the locker room completely and utterly silent. Well, his teeth were still chattering, but other than that, silent.

"Sit."

JD bit his lip, hoping to stop the noise he'd been involuntarily making, as his gaze followed the direction in which Dr. Cox had indicated. Obediently, he made himself over to the small bench, sitting himself down as Perry disappeared behind a whole other row of lockers.

It was only a matter of minutes before he was back, towel in hand. JD went to reach for it, but was stopped, the auburn haired doctor having obviously not seen him move, as he placed the cloth on top of his head, drying him off with a fair amount of vigor. This too, JD realized at once, was sort of nice. Kind of like being hair ruffled.

"So tell me something there, Trish," Dr. Cox started while taking a seat on the bench opposite of the intern's. "How much of that oh-so-lovely conversation did you hear?"

JD blushed furiously, removing the towel from his head to drape casually around his neck. He hadn't expected Dr. Cox to actually address the situation at hand, nor had he come up with an answer for himself in terms of how he felt for the man now staring at him curiously… What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to answer? "I wasn't jealous of that patient," he muttered quietly.

Still too afraid to make eye contact, JD continued to stare at his lap, trying not to openly flinch when he heard a small snarl escape his attending. "So basically, you heard everything there, is that it, Newbie?"

JD nodded shyly, his scrubs pants becoming more and more interesting by the second. "I-I only freaked out at Elliot because that guy…he really gave me the creeps."

"Yeah, I got that when I was in there myself. What you _didn't_ get was me trying to save your ass by sending you to the lab. Nice observational skills, by the way."

JD's blush deepened. Oh, he'd gotten that alright, but he also knew that it was better to deal with Sean and have him leave as soon as possible, rather than procrastinate from having to talk to him, just to have him stick around longer. Still, he appreciated the older man's gesture all the same. "Sorry…" he mumbled.

"I really don't want to hear it right now," Dr. Cox shot back, his normally angry tone beginning to return. "I've seen this job kill the spirit of some damn good interns. Now don't get me wrong – I enjoy seeing an intern's spirit crushed as much as the next guy, but not to the extent of getting their asses thrown out of this rat infested building, especially when they're actually _good;_ a rare thing to find around here, let me tell you. So get it together, Newbie. If a patient creeps you out, you high tail it out of there. Maybe not when you're an attending, if you even make it that far, but as an intern? That is way too over your peon-like status. And if you're stressed to the point of night terrors and hallucinations, then you ra-_heely_ need to talk to someone. And no, not me. Never me. But to someone who can actually listen to you go on and on and on for _hours_ without wanting to hurt you or themselves afterwards. Do I make myself clear?"

JD swallowed. Dr. Cox was undoubtedly concerned, but at the same time, he was allowing them both the perfect getaway from what was really going on here; from the conversation JD had accidentally heard just a mere ten minutes ago.

And for some odd, unexplainable reason, he wanted it back.

"I wasn't hallucinating," he finally responded. "I'm not sure if Carla told you, but…that night was the first night I went drinking. I guess I…I guess I'm sort of a light weight. It didn't really take much for me to start seeing things, which I guess, yeah…I guess that's _technically_ a hallucination, but it wasn't because I'm sick or anything. I was just drinking too much, that's all."

"Is that right? So the complete freak out in the locker room the other day – I'm guessing that was caused by one too many fruity drinks there too?"

JD wondered if his face could turn any pinker, but pressed on all the same. "I-I'm stressed. But that was the only time I had a nightmare since working here, and I haven't had one since. Carla, um…she told me lots of interns have them, so I shouldn't worry. So that, uh…that helped."

When JD didn't get a response, he swallowed his fear long enough to look up. The eyes that met his own were narrowed in suspicion, clearly trying to detect a secret meaning behind JD's words; a truth that he was conveniently leaving out. "Carla told you that, did she…?"

"I…yes?"

"_In_teresting. Carla wouldn't have happened to tell you anything else now, hmm?"

This was it. This was how to get their conversation back. It was a daring move, for sure, but if he could infiltrate ninety-nine professions and come out alive in each and every one of them, well, he could certainly give this a shot.

_No! _his inner monologue screamed, voice filled with angry desperation. _What if it leads to something positive? What if it leads to the thing you _know_ you want? Imagine leaving this place when all is said and done as it is. Now imagine having to leave this hospital with the addition of being involved in a rela –_

"She, um…she told me you sent her home. She told me it might've been because you were worr –"

Two hands reached out at once, grabbing the intern by the collar and pegging him against the nearest locker. JD's toes just barely touched the ground, Cox's grip on him aggressive and strong. "You stop right there, Newbie," he practically hissed. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare imply what you're getting ready to, understand? I am not, nor will I ever be, concerned about your well being. And as for that conversation you heard earlier? I want you to forget it. I want you to forget every single word. Because whatever you're thinking is going to happen is _not_, in fact, going to happen. Never, ever, ever, ever. Do we understand each other?"

"No."

If the current situation wasn't such a frightening one, JD may have laughed at his mentor's obviously stunned expression. "I'm sorry…?"

"I…I don't understand. I don' t understand how one minute, you're telling me to get help, then the next minute, you're saying you couldn't care less. One minute you're chasing me down, and then the next minute you're practically giving me a head massage." JD wrapped his shaking hands around the wrists of the doctor still pinning him against the wall of cold metal. He was nervous, very nervous, but his confusion and anger over the situation was rising; the adrenaline rush that was coming not out of the usual fear, but out of an actual _want,_ drivinghim on and forcing him to continue, his voice becoming increasingly louder. "I don't understand how one minute you're barking orders, and then the next minute, you're drying me off. I don't understand how you can sit there so calmly then have me pinned against the locker! I don't understand how –"

JD didn't get to finish his sentence; didn't get to take in that lung full of air before Dr. Cox's lips came slamming against his own. His head hit the back of the locker with a bang; pain that, at least for the moment, he was more than willing to ignore.

Holy…what was going on here? He was being kissed, that's what! And by Dr. Cox, no less! When was the last time JD had been kissed? High school, he realized. He was sixteen years old. Her name was Sarah Briggs and she – _Oh! _Now _that_ was something Sarah never did!

When Dr. Cox pulled away, the brunet still pressed against the locker, the older man's tone was casual, as if nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred at all. "Sorry about that, Newbie, but your little speech was becoming va-_hary_ boring, and quite frankly, I needed to shut you up."

JD, still at a loss for words, tried not to gawk any further as his attending let go of his collar, surprising him yet again by easing him back onto his feet, rather than letting him fall limp on the tiled floor. With a small nod, Perry turned to leave, but was stopped by the intern's stunned queries. "W-What was that? Where…where are you going?"

"That, Newbie, was a hell of a good kiss. And as to where I'm going, well, the answer to that one would be Laverne. 'Cause you see there, Pumpkin, if we're going to do this, we're going to be o-u-t _out_. And if you wanna get the word about something out there and over with, there's just no other nurse to talk to; simple as that."

"I…what?"

"I'm ordering Chinese when I get home tonight. Be there by eight or you're not getting a fortune cookie, and I know how upset you'll be without one, so don't even bother telling me otherwise."

And just like that, the curly haired doctor was gone, leaving in his wake one jelly-kneed Newbie.

It was a few moments later when what had just taken place, along with Perry's parting words, truly sunk in. And for one, precious moment, JD ignored the obscenities that his inner monologue was screaming at him. For one, carefree moment, he ignored the mental image that was his co-workers disapproving stares, and for one, beautiful moment, JD thought of nothing other than the feel of Perry's lips against his own.

The brunet giggled, glad that no one was around to witness his girly act, but knowing full well he would have giggled all the same.

'Cause really, how could he contain himself? He was going out with Dr. Cox!

--

Perry wasn't kidding when he said Laverne knew how to get the word out and the word out fast. Almost instantly after coming out of the locker room, the brunet started receiving looks. None of them, however, were the looks of disgust he had imagined only minutes ago. His fellow interns grinned at him, a silent congratulations on "Getting some from the big bad attending," as he heard one of them playfully phrase it. JD flushed, but kept on walking all the same. At least until he was pulled over, anyway… "Dude!"

Instantly, he tensed, recognizing the voice of Turk's surgeon friend right away. "What is it Todd?" he asked wearily, turning around with understandable apprehension.

The Todd just grinned, holding up his hand with a look of absolute glee. "Locker room nookie five! C'mon!"

Trying not to wince at what he knew was to come, JD held up his hand, biting the inside of his mouth when the surgeon's palm came colliding into his own.

From there, he went on to pass the nurse's station. Laverne was eyeing him up in her own gossip-loving way, and while his favorite nurse of all was currently too busy to walk over and give him a hug, he could tell by the smile Carla sent him that she was more than just happy for both him and her long time, curly haired friend.

Soon after, he was practically jumped on by Elliot, who began chirping wildly in his ear about Dr. Cox having actually been _smiling_ on the way out of work. "You should have seen it! He was trying so hard not to, you could tell, but his grin was unmistakable! JD, he was practically _glowing!_ Don't tell him I told you that though, okay? Oh, this is so great! But you better let me know if he hurts you, alright? Because I won't stand for it. And if he does and you're lonely, well, I have a brother named Barry who I think you'd really like."

After another few high fives and winks from fellow co-workers, JD finally made it to the exit, happy to see Turk already there, waiting for him. "Turk! I'm glad you're –"

"Sorry. Can't talk right now."

"Huh? I thought we got off at the same time today?"

"We do. But I'm going to Carla's place tonight."

"Oh. Well, okay... Hey, did you hear? Okay, of course you did. It's Laverne, after all. But anyway, Dr. Cox invited me over tonight too, so I guess that works out really –"

"Yup. Well, I see Carla over there, so…bye."

JD watched him go, heart sinking to the bottom of his gut and landing there with a crash so loud he could have sworn the entire hospital heard it shatter. He expected somebody somewhere in the building to not approve of both him and Dr. Cox together, but…but Turk? Turk, who was definitely an alpha male. Turk, who had wanted him to hook up with Elliot. Turk, the first person he had talked to in this place. His first roommate; his first _real_ friend.

Suddenly, JD didn't care that the majority of the hospital didn't mind him and Dr. Cox together. Even his fellow interns; their opinion meant nothing in comparison to Elliot's, Carla's, and yes…definitely Turk's.

He'd rather every single employee hate him, just so long as Turk still had his back.

JD closed his eyes, ashamed of himself for, once again, getting too close. And this time, he wasn't being forced to say goodbye; to disappear into another life and leave his peers behind. This time, a person he had truly befriended simply did not want him anymore.

It was an experience JD could have lived without.

--

It was a cold apartment. Not so much the temperature, anyway, but definitely the atmosphere.

Cox's place was very modern; metal, almost chrome like décor, lined his bare, white walls. His living room consisted of a plain yet smooth couch, tall shelves filled with very neatly placed knick-knacks, and of course, a big screen TV.

The liquor cabinet in the corner didn't surprise him though.

There was definitely a certain amount of awkwardness to deal with as well, at least on his end, since Perry wasn't really treating him any differently than before the events from earlier took place. "Newbie" and whatever other girl's names he could think of were still said much more often than the name picked out for him by his Superior. The rants and insults were still there too, but at least now they struck JD as more playful than anything else. (Nor did they come out quite as frequently behind the closed doors that was Perry's safe haven) And, because JD had very, _very_ little dating experience, he wasn't particularly sure how to react when Dr. Cox patted the cushion beside him, quietly indicating that he was to take a seat, grab a set of chop sticks, and enjoy the game.

Oh yes; there was definitely an edge to Dr. Cox that didn't appear to be going any where any time soon. Well, JD couldn't blame him. He knew what it meant to let people in; the risks and trust it involved. Trust that a person you cared for would not leave; the risk of getting hurt… Turk… JD shook his head. He promised himself he wouldn't go there tonight. He didn't want their first date to consist of him complaining the whole time, nor did he want to add to the already palpable tension that existed between the older man and his roommate.

Still, JD was glad to be there. Sure, he wasn't at all interested in hockey. And yeah, he felt pretty stupid trying to figure out how to properly hold a pair of chopsticks, but when Perry's arm draped oh-so-casually over the back of the couch and onto his shoulders, well, the brunet just couldn't help but grin. It felt wonderful to be liked, _genuinely liked,_ just because JD was JD.

_But that's just it, _his inner monologue started up again. _He doesn't like _you. _He likes _JD!_ The goofy, awkward intern who actually cares about his patients._

_I…I know. But I am that person for the most part, right? I mean, I know I'm not…I know I'm not a real doctor, but I _do_ care about my patients. A lot. And I am, well, awkward…_

_Doesn't matter. Your name is John Doris, not John Dorian. You're not the person this man has fallen for, no matter what you try and tell yourself otherwise._

_But…but I like him. I honestly like him. I didn't think that –_

_Exactly. You didn't think. You got excited that your little crush liked you back, so you threw caution to the wind and just went for it. Now you know _full well_ you have a problem getting too close to people, but you've _never_ messed up _this _bad. You already have trouble leaving your peers behind as it is. Now take that and triple it by ten! _

_I know it's going to hurt, but –_

_But what? You can handle it? Even if that's true, did you ever stop to think if _Perry_ could handle it?_

_Dr. Cox isn't like me. He isn't –_

_And how do you know that for sure? I mean yeah, he's definitely confident, and yeah, he's really head strong. But you already know from Carla that he's been married once before. Don't you think that left a mark on him just a little? Now how's he going to feel when, in just less than a year from now, you get up and walk out of his life?_

_I-I didn't think about that…_

_No, you didn't. Well, if you're lucky, you two won't even last that long anyway. He's, well…not exactly the swoop 'em off their feet with flowers and candy kind of guy. I'm sure he was somehow involved in the destruction of his last relationship anyway. And since you're definitely a mess yourself, that means that, together, you guys won't last _too_ long._

_Thanks for the pep talk…_

_Any time._

"NEWBIE!"

JD blinked, the yelling of his name along with an ear shattering whistle bringing him back to reality.

"Dear Lord, Priscilla, I said your name about seven times. Another fantasy? No, don't answer that. I don't even want to know."

JD's embarrassed blush turned into a little grin as the older man handed him his fortune cookie, remembering his words from earlier in the locker room. "Thanks, Perr – Ow!"

"No first name," he established yet again, drawing his hand away from the ear he had just finished flicking.

"But we're dati –"

"Ba-ba-ba! What did I say when you first got here? No cheesy titles. Now eat the cookie and quiet down. Over time is starting in just a few seconds."

JD tried not to sigh as he opened the plastic that surrounded his small dessert. His logical side was right. JD had messed up. Big time. How had he not thought of the situation from Perry's perspective? What if the two of them _did_ last till the end of the year? What then?

Still, when the fortune from his recently opened cookie came tumbling out into the palm of his hand, JD couldn't help but grin. Popping the sweet into his mouth, the brunet smiled warmly as the hand around his shoulder gripped just a little bit tighter. As he watched the game he knew nothing about continue to play on the screen, the words from his fortune stared up at him; silent but strong.

_If you want the rainbow, you must put up with the rain._

_**A/N:**__ Believe it or not, I actually went and looked up fortune cookie sayings, and thought that one the most appropriate. Anyway, I must confess that the next chapter will focus heavily on JD and Dr. Cox, but from there, the plot will be getting back into the swing of things, so to speak. Anyway, guess that's about it from me. Until next time!_


	8. Chapter 7

_**A/N: **__Before we begin here, I thought I'd update you guys on where I am with this story. I just recently finished chapter 10 (by far the longest chapter I've ever written) and am in the beginning of chapter 11. So even if I do get a little behind and what not due to school (though I'm still aiming for an update every Monday) we should be good to go for a while. I'll let you guys know if anything changes though. Anyway, thank you all once again for the amazing feedback. I hope you never doubt that I sincerely appreciate it. Well, guess that's it from me. Hope you enjoy!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 7:**

"_I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find. Without a trust or flaming fields, am I too dumb to refine?"_

_-New Slang, by The Shins-_

JD had left earlier than initially intended from Perry's apartment, wanting to get home and get into bed before Turk came home as well.

A part of him, a huge part of him, wanted to talk to the surgeon; wanted to know why it was a big deal; wanted to know how he could go from caring so much to caring so little.

But another part of him, a very fearful part, wanted to avoid the guy at all costs. Yesterday, Turk's expression looked disinterested. But what if today, all the disgust that he'd obviously been suppressing came through? What if, when JD next saw him, his roommate gave him a look of pure horror?

What if he didn't even want him in the apartment anymore?

He could always go back to the apartment his Superior had picked out, but – Oh, God, the Superior!

JD swallowed his nausea, his stomach rolling at the very thought that would be his Superior's response upon finding out that his go-to assassin had made the incredibly stupid mistake of involving himself with another individual romantically.

Of course, no one would know the two of them were together had they not been told; not by the way Dr. Cox was still treating him...

"Newbie! What did I say about gossip hour at the nurse's station? Get back to work!"

"Dr. Cox, that is no way to treat your –"

"Don't say it, Carla. No, no, no, no, no, no, _no_."

"But you're the one who got Laverne to go around and –"

"Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to, 'Man Not Caring.'" Doctor and Nurse watched on, one with an eye roll and one with a pout, as Perry went about displaying a showy impression of someone who really could not have cared less.

"Dr. Cox…"

"Look ladies, I'm all well in good with who it is I choose to sex up every night. Oh, for crying out loud – put that look away, will you, Newbie? It's not like I actually did anything yet. Now…while we're _in this building,_ I choose to _not_ spend every waking second thinking about what new romantic ventures I can go gallivanting on next with Priscilla over here, mainly in that – and don't let this shock you – there's actual _work_ to be done. So suck it up and swallow it down, because that's just the way it is."

JD's gaze averted to the floor as Dr. Cox stormed away. So that was it then? His first real relationship was going to consist of the person he genuinely cared for treating him like crap every day? _Serves you right,_ his inner monologue started up again. _It's what you get for starting something you weren't supposed to start. And really…who's treating who like crap? The man may not be all lovey-dovey, but at least he's telling you straight out. He's not leading you on, that's for sure…_

_I'm not leading him on! I _really_ like him!_

_You are leading him on though. This whole relationship involves you leading him on. Don't you get it? Even if things go well, you're going to have to leave him in a year. Tell me _right now_ how that's not just as bad or more some than what it is he's doing to you!_

"I know, damn it!"

_"_Ex_cuse_ me!?"

JD blinked, shooing the voice of his inner monologue away while turning to face a very dangerous looking Carla. The realization of what he had just shouted had his hands flying up in defense at once. He had no idea what it was she said to him, but his random outburst had very clearly not been the response she'd been looking for. "I'm sorry, Carla. I was thinking about something completely different and it slipped!"

The nurse shook her head, picking up a few stray files and collecting them into a neat, organized stack. "I know, Bambi, relax. Anyway…I was just saying not to worry so much about Dr. Cox. It's only been official since yesterday, and, well…you know he's been married once before. He already had some difficulty opening up before the divorce, so now, well…it left a mark on him, even if he won't admit it himself. I'm not saying to just put up with his crap completely, but just try being a little patient with him, and it might lead to somewhere positive, okay?"

"I know, it's just…I never expected him to do all of that romantic stuff. I just sort of thought that, you know…he'd be a bit nicer at work. Not that he was _never_ nice before or anything, and that's definitely not why I'm going out with him. I'm just saying that –"

"JD, relax. You're reiterating yourself. I'm just saying to take it slow. There are some things you may be ready to do that he's not ready to yet, okay?"

"Yeah... Yeah, Carla, thank you." John paused, fingers playing idly with the hem of his scrubs top as he pondered on whether or not it'd be wise to ask his next question. Of course, curiosity won out in the end. "Um…Carla?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you seen Turk yet today? You know…since you got here?"

The reaction was almost instant, making JD's heart drop deeper into the pool that was his twisting and turning stomach. Carla's eyes became a combination of annoyed, the emotion obviously aimed towards Turk, and sympathetic, which was undoubtedly meant for JD. She looked up at him, quietly shook her head no, and smiled as best she could. "Sorry, Bambi…"

JD just nodded. He was good at lying when he had to, what with his profession and all, but somehow, the idea of replying with a convincing, "It's okay," just didn't seem plausible.

Still at the nurse's station deciding what situation was worth more of his worrying time, JD was surprised, to say the least, when an all too familiar voice grabbed his attention; a voice whose owner he'd unintentionally been neglecting.

"Rough morning, Sport?"

The brunet turned around while rubbing the back of his neck. "Sort of, Sir. You see –"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I forgot to tell you beforehand: I don't really care. Anyway," he pressed on, grabbing hold of JD's shirt and dragging him towards a nearby patient's room, "I'm assigning you to a very important board member whose family built this hospital with their bare hands."

JD inwardly groaned. A board member? Didn't they usually consist of stuffed shirts who thought themselves a group of gods? He had quite enough of that from the Organization, thank you very much.

"But for hypertrophic cardiomyopathy," Kelso added.

"What happened?"

"Presyncope."

JD frowned. "So this board member _almost_ fainted? I'll fire up the paddles!" In all honesty, the intern didn't know why he was being so bold with the older man. Maybe it was because, in a way, he and Kelso were alike. Entirely different for the most part, yes, but both were wearing masks. And more to the point, the Chief of Medicine already knew that JD was well aware of his, "Good natured old man," persona. With that in mind, it was harder to hold back on the sarcasm.

"Ah, Dr. Wisenheimer's back. How was your ski trip?"

For the both of them, apparently.

"Sir, I'm confused."

"You annoy me."

"Oh, now I get it!"

"But you have this nauseating charm everyone else around here seems to respond to. Use it, 'kay, Sport?"

JD shook his head as he entered the patient's room. Okay, no need to take his frustration out on whoever this poor guy was. It wasn't his fault he almost fainted, even if this whole show was completely unnecessary and only managed to further his suspicion of Kelso, what with the man's need to impress the higher ups for cash… Still, if a patient needed help, they needed help.

But when JD walked in to find a well kept woman standing up right, looking annoyed but perfectly fine, his eyes couldn't help but expand. _This_ was the patient? The board member in need of medical attention?

"Sweetheart!" Kelso started up suddenly, "Are you getting younger?"

Much to the brunet's surprise, the woman across from him merely scoffed, her eyes rolling in obvious annoyance. Guess he wasn't the only one around here who saw through Kelso's façade.

"This is Dr. Dorian," the Chief of Medicine continued. "He'll be looking after you."

Without missing a beat, the dark haired patient shot back. "And who will be looking after him?"

JD shifted awkwardly, not having expected that kind of response. Maybe ending up with a stuffed shirt would have been better after all…

--

It didn't take too long to convince Ms. Sullivan that the hospital gown was, in fact, a necessity. Begrudgingly she had gotten changed, and when JD returned to her room to check up on her, she was already in bed, applying her make up for, well…he didn't quite know.

The brunet swallowed nervously as he watched her. He'd come to tell her that the tests would only take a few minutes, but she hadn't even glanced up at him upon hearing the news. Alright, so this woman was, well…she was a bitch. But he didn't like _not_ connecting with a patient, grumpy or no. So…how to go about starting a conversation? "I have to be honest, Ms. Sullivan. When Dr. Kelso said board member, I was thinking of this, like…old, grumpy –"

"That would be my father. He died."

JD instantly tensed. Besides the obvious and natural feeling of sympathy he felt towards an individual who confessed to him of a deceased loved one, the admission also brought about another thought that most people had the pleasure of not having to worry about. _I hope I didn't kill him._ JD swallowed. It was a worry that plagued him each and every time, and by God, did he hate it. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, meaning it with every fiber of his being.

"Twenty years ago."

_Oh thank God._ It was hard not to feel relieved that he was not the cause of the person's death. Nor did the relief take away from the fact that he really_ was_ sorry for their loss. Feeling awkward, JD did his best to lighten the mood. "I would've said sorry back then, but I had a little trouble with my S's. …'cause I was five…S's… So…how're you feeling?"

"Great. That's why I'm here."

Sarcastic thing too, wasn't she?

"Listen, RJ."

"JD."

"Like it matters. Look – you seem like a nice, spineless little boy, so let's be honest: I'm here because it was the only way to end my beast of a mother's nagging sudo concern."

Spineless? Well, at least she couldn't see through _his _façade. Not that it was exactly what one would call an act, but still… "That's sweet…"

"So do your little test, but first, close the blinds, wash off whatever eighth grade dance cologne you're wearing so we don't add nausea to my symptoms, and I'll need lemon wedges for my sparkling water, which for some reason, you had yet to get me!"

JD swallowed. Okay, no need to get upset. She was just scared, that's all. "Okay, well, let me just check out –"

"Doing things I want first, your little tests later!"

"Nice to meet you," JD mumbled before turning away. What had Kelso been thinking when assigning him to this woman? Did he honestly think she'd fall for his "charm?" The intern shook his head. Maybe Kelso had just been trying to punish him, for whatever reason.

Almost at the exit, JD did not expect the door to burst open, nor did he expect the mop of curly, red hair that came bursting through. "Newbie! How many times have I told you: When I page you, you come! This is not some kind of fore –"

"Hello, Perry."

Dr. Cox stopped, eyes turning towards the patient in the bed for the first time since his appearance. Two pairs of eyes, one dark brown and steady, the other ice blue and cold, connected with each other at once, their gaze not wavering in the slightest. "Hello, Jordan."

_Jordan?_ JD thought quietly, his eyes shifting nervously from Perry to Ms. Sullivan. Jordan…now why did that sound so famili –? Oh,no_…_

_"The only other person who ever had it down as much as myself would be Jordan, but that wasn't exactly a fairy tale ending, so maybe that's a bad example…"_

_"'Jordan?'" Who's Jordan?"_

_"Dr. Cox's ex-wife."_

Dr. Cox's ex-wife…

JD looked back at the two, their hardened stares making a lot more sense than they did a mere few seconds ago.

"Newbie, maybe you should go."

The intern looked back towards his mentor, startled. A part of him really did want to take him up on that offer, not wanting to be around for when the two went at each other's throats. But what if they _didn't_ go at each other's throats? What if, once he left, they went for something else entirely…? "Dr. Cox, I think –"

"_Now,_ Newbie."

"'Newbie,' huh?" Jordan intervened, grabbing both of the men's attention. "Cute nickname. Certainly cuter than the ones he used to give me. Are you his little protégé, or something?"

JD shifted nervously, not quite knowing how to answer. "Well, yeah...but we're also sort of –"

"_Newbie._"

The brunet turned to the older man, obviously hurt. Was Perry…was Perry embarrassed of them? Was Perry embarrassed of _him?_

It was a few seconds before Jordan's eyes lit up; before her curiously cocked eyebrow raised even higher, its twin joining it in sudden realization. "Oh my God," she chuckled, amusement and mockery lacing her tone. "Oh, Perry, you're fucking him, aren't you?"

Laughter filled the room at once, her manicured fingers circling her sides, the hilarity behind the situation at hand apparently too much for her to control. "Oh, Perry, that is _rich!_ And here I thought the tiny t-shirts were just for funsies! Tell me sweetie," she said with another laugh, turning her attention back to the intern, "Did he take your flower yet, or are you two waiting for marriage?"

JD flushed, embarrassment coursing through his veins. What made it worse, however, was the face he met when he looked towards Dr. Cox. The expression there was cold, to be sure, but his cheeks flushed with the barest hint of pink, the tips of his ears a slightly darker shade of red. On anyone else, it would have meant nothing, but for Dr. Cox, who JD had never even _seen_ blush before, well…it said quite a lot.

It said that he was very much embarrassed to be dating JD.

Not wanting to be dismissed – again – the brunet turned to the door and left. He stood by its frame for a moment or so, hoping that Dr. Cox would call him back in; that maybe, just maybe, he'd come out and get him himself.

But when all he heard was an angrily growled, "_Jordan,_" JD could only walk away.

--

A whole hour later and the room in which both Dr. Cox and his ex now resided still remained closed. And, thanks to a certain Nurse Roberts, rumors were spreading like wild fire.

"Did you hear? Cox's ex-wife is back. Yeah, the board member. Found out he's dating Dr. Dorian too. Well, _was_ anyway. Started cackling when she realized. Uh-huh! Heard it all the way over at the nurse's station! No way Cox is letting that slide. Well, they've been in there for a little over an hour; door shut and everything. Think they're doing the nasty? Oh yeah, no doubt about it. Poor, Q-Tip. Kid's gonna have his heart broke."

Not being able to take another sympathetic glance or whispered rumor, JD threw his last chart on the counter, opting to take his break earlier than usual.

Up the stairs he climbed, his emotions torn in two. He hated what was happening; hated that his first real relationship hadn't managed to last a whole twenty-four hours; hated the fact that he had dived in so carelessly; hated how he still _really _liked Perry, and was more upset at himself than at him for what was happening now.

But a part of him knew it was probably for the best. _He won't be hurt when my time's up; won't even care. And it's not like I didn't deserve this outcome, anyway… Better to have it end now than elongate it and make it hurt all the more…for the both of us. It's better this way. It is._

But no matter how many times he drilled the thought into his head, it just didn't seem to stick. Better or no, one thing was for sure:

It hurt him. A lot.

Because Dr. Perry Cox was never just a simple crush. It was never about scoring some from the "big bad attending." From day one, he had always admired him as a doctor; as a _person._ He'd looked up to him from the moment he stepped into Sacred Heart Hospital, and now, he wouldn't even be able to look him in the eye…

Finally at the roof, JD pushed the doors open, running into the last person he wanted to see _besides_ Perry.

Startled, Turk turned around, expression turning wary upon seeing his roommate. "Oh. Hey, man…"

JD closed his eyes. He couldn't take this. Not right now. Two rejections from two people he cared about in a _row?_ He couldn't. He wouldn't. "I'm leaving," he said more matter-of-factly than angrily.

"Huh? But you just got here!"

"Look, Turk, I get it, but I just can't right now, okay?"

Turning to leave, JD was surprised to hear the sound of running footsteps on gravel, and more surprised to feel the hand of his roommate clutch protectively around his wrist. "Dude, c'mon! It's me! Why are you running away?"

"I…didn't think you wanted me here."

Slowly, Turk let go, brown eyes filling with understanding as they averted their gaze to stare sorrowfully at his shoes. "Listen, JD…about yesterday…"

The brunet looked down too, praying to God that he either held it together or Turk wouldn't notice him getting misty eyed.

"I'm not mad at you, buddy."

Okay, he couldn't _not_ look up after hearing those words. "Really…?"

"Look…I'm not really good at this emotional stuff, okay? I don't know if it's your influence on me or what, but… Man, how do I say this? JD, I know I've only known you for a few weeks now, but honestly? You're my best friend. You are. I don't know how else to put it, but that's the truth. And I just…I don't care that you're dating a guy, man, I really don't. I mean, don't get me wrong – if you decide to bring him over to bump uglies, then I am definitely turning on the sound machine."

JD laughed softly, gaze turning back to the ground in order to hide his tear coated blues, though this time, it was for an entirely different reason than hurt.

"Seriously though, man, I'm not upset. I mean, I was yesterday, but not because of the guy thing. I was upset because… Okay, I know you like him, but I'm just gonna come out and say it: Cox is an ass hole! I was upset at _him,_ JD, not at _you._ I was upset because I don't think he deserves you, and I don't want to see you hurt, buddy. I really don't."

The brunet sniffled, not really caring if Turk noticed or not. Oh, God, he needed this. He _so_ needed this.

When he finally thought it safe enough to look up, he was more surprised than ever to see Turk standing right in front of him, arms out stretched and waiting. "C'mon, buddy…Super Chocolate Bear Hug?"

JD didn't even hesitate. Practically jumping into the embrace, the brunet's chin rested comfortably on the surgeon's shoulder, hugging him with a passion that he would forever dub as guy love.

--

It happened when JD returned from the roof.

Quietly talking to Carla about him and Turk being more than okay, the brunet did not expect the sudden tap on the shoulder, nor did he expect to turn around and see the apprehensive eyes of his mentor. "JD…we need to talk."

The intern swallowed, pretending not to notice the angry stare that Carla was currently sending Perry's way. This was it though, wasn't it? The inevitable break up. The use of his real name made that clear enough.

JD nodded, quietly forgoing his chart to follow Dr. Cox into a nearby patient's room. Jordan's room, to be exact, though at least she appeared to be gone, what with the empty bed and all. Probably back at Perry's apartment, waiting for him there…

Uncharacteristically silent, the older man took a seat on the bed, folding his hands and placing them on top of his curls. "So here's the deal…"

"I know."

Perry quirked an eyebrow, hands leaving his head to cross over his chest in their usual manner. "You know, do you?"

"Yeah, Dr. Cox, I know… Just, I mean…I'm honestly surprised you…What happened in the locker room yesterday was like something out of my fan – Listen…I'm not going to complain. And I'll try hard not to make it awkward. It's just I really liked yo – sorry. Sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear right now. It's just that -"

JD, who had been fidgeting with the tie of his scrubs pants, did not see Dr. Cox stand up from the bed in a rush, nor did he see his hands fly out in order to pull him in, his lips connecting with his own in a way the brunet could've sworn he'd never feel again.

Finally, Perry let go. When all he got in response was a wide eyed, clearly baffled Newbie, the attending just rolled his eyes. "Sorry there, Princess, but once you get rambling, you really _don't_ shut up. Giving those lips of yours something else to do is the only sure fire way I know how to make you stop talking."

"But…but Jordan, she –"

"She what? She's a bitch? Yeah, Newbie, I know that."

"But you wanted me to leave. You didn't want me to tell her that we were –"

"Dating?"

Hearing Dr. Cox actually say the word aloud made JD's heart skip, but he pressed on all the same. "Yeah! You wanted me to leave, so I figured –"

"Newbie, give me a break, will ya'? I wanted you to leave so she wouldn't sink her claws into you, which is the very same reason I wanted you to keep your mouth shut. I can take whatever Jordan throws my way, but God Newbie, have you seen yourself lately? You're a mess, even without the she-devil trying to claw her way into your soul."

"But you were blushing and –"

"_Whoa!_ I do _not_ blush, Susan!"

"Sorry…"

"And even if I was, what the hell would that mean other than the situation being awkward? Newbie…"

JD watched on, guilt stricken for having doubted the man, as Dr. Cox took his seat back on the bed, a weariness in his expression that made JD feel even worse. "Newbie," he started again, "I'm a lot of things, but hell, I don't cheat. For God's sake, it's…it's the reason me and Godzilla didn't work out, you get me?"

"You…you cheated?"

"Other way around, kid."

JD swallowed, Carla's words about Perry's marriage having left a mark on him making more sense than ever. "I'm sorry…"

"I don't want sympathy. What I want is for you to not take every damn thing that comes out of my mouth so personally."

"I know. I've known not to take it too personally even before we, um…started dating. It's just…I thought the rants and the girl's names…I thought they'd stop since…since you wanted everyone to know. I thought you just did that to cover things up."

"Look, Newbie… I'm always going to rant. It's what I do, and I've done it long before you even stepped foot into this hospital. As for the girl's names; I hate to tell you this, Pumpkin, but you are, in fact, a girl."

The intern stayed quiet, not quite knowing how to respond. With Perry's next words, however, he didn't really have to.

"But I can dial them down a notch; the girl's names, I mean. And I can rant _to_ you instead of _at_ you, once in a while…"

JD looked up then, hopeful. "Can I call you Perry…?"

"You're pushing it, Newbie."

"Right…"

"…At the apartment."

"Huh?"

"You can call me Perry at the apartment and when we're alone, but in this building, I'm still your boss. I'm Dr. Cox in here, kid. That's just the way it is."

JD nodded, chewing on the older man's words thoughtfully. He was right, of course. It wouldn't be right to ask him to treat him differently from the other interns, and would probably come back to bite them both on the ass eventually. It was undoubtedly a fair request. "Okay," JD finally responded. "I, um…I'm sorry."

"What in the hell for?"

"For all of this, really. It hasn't even been a whole day and I…I don't know."

Waiting to be lectured, the brunet was surprised when the older man merely patted the spot next to his place on the bed. JD obeyed tentatively, using their closeness as an excuse to rest his head wearily on the older man's shoulder. Instinctively, Dr. Cox tensed, but when JD still kept his head right where it was, his muscles gave into relaxation, causing the young intern to smile. "We're strange," he muttered silently, eye lids suddenly much heavier than they were moments ago.

Much to JD's surprise, the older man slipped out a small chuckle. "I'm alright with that. Better than pushing chocolate covered candies at one another, that's for sure."

"Have you ever had those Valentine's Day hearts that come in the little box?"

"The chalk ones, you mean?"

"Yeah, they taste like Tums. How is that saying, 'I love you?'"

"Now that is the smartest thing you've asked me in quite some time there, Newbie."

JD smiled. "Hey…Perry?"

"We're in the hospital."

"But we're alone."

"Fair enough. What is it?"

"I like working here."

"In this God forsaken dump?"

"…Yeah. I like it a lot."

"Well then, Princess, you better tuck in, because if you really plan on sticking around, you're gonna be here for quite some time."

Dr. Cox didn't get why JD buried his head further into his shoulder, or why the intern's arms suddenly circled around his middle. But as his grip became tighter – desperate, even – Perry decided not to make fun of him for it.

For that, and the arm that hesitantly pulled him in closer, JD was very, very grateful.

_**A/N:**__ Next chapter will be filled with assassin related goodness, I promise. (Well, maybe "goodness" is the wrong word, but you know what I mean) Anyway, that's about it from me. Until next time!_


	9. Chapter 8

_**A/N: **__So do I really have to say it? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do, because I mean it every single time: You guys are awesome. Your feedback really helps lift my spirits and keeps me motivated, so once again, thank you sincerely. Now enough out of me. Hope you enjoy the chapter!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 8:**

"_Just a puppet on a lonely string, oh who would ever want to be king?"_

_-Viva la Vida, by Coldplay-_

JD opened his eyes slowly, the sunlight from the nearby window illuminating his boxer clad frame. Mmm…warm. And surprisingly big too. Had his bed always been so big? And why was the comforter tan? Didn't he have a violet one?

With a small, sleepy laugh, JD remembered where he was. Dr. Co – no, _Perry's _apartment. Perry's apartment and Perry's bed. No wonder he felt so great upon waking up!

With a content sigh, the brunet wriggled over to the other side of the bed, reveling in the scent left behind on the Irishman's pillow. _What kind of shampoo does he use? And more importantly, how do I still not know that after three months of dating him?_

Three months. Wow. JD could hardly believe it, but it was true. He'd been working at Sacred Heart Hospital for almost four months now, and dating Perry for three. He was more content with his life than he had been for years, at least during the times where he managed to ignore his inner monologue from reminding him how hard it would be to leave once his time was up…

Shaking his head and pulling himself away form the warmth of the comforter, JD stood from his place on the bed and stretched, the smell of coffee reaching his nose as he did so.

Practically skipping, the doe eyed intern made his way over to the kitchen, grinning from ear to ear at the sight that awaited him there.

It was scarce that both he and Dr. Cox managed to get the same exact shifts, but today was one of those beautiful days in which both doctors had to be there at the same time, allowing them to spend the entire morning with one another. And on mornings such as those, Perry was always the first to wake up; dragging himself to the kitchen and starting up breakfast for both himself and JD. The brunet had once asked Dr. Cox if he found cooking therapeutic, since he always seemed to go for the stove voluntarily. His response had been a flick to the ear with a defensive sounding, "I cook because food is necessary to _live_, Newbie," but JD wasn't buying it.

Swallowing a small chuckle from the memory, JD walked up behind the curly haired doctor, slipping his arms around his middle and nuzzling into his back. "Whatchya' cookin'?"

"Only if you promise not to sing."

JD's heart quickened in excitement, knowing just from his response what it was. "Promise. Now tell me…?"

"Waffles."

The blue eyed intern nuzzled further into the older man's back, quietly showing his appreciation.

"Now, Newbie, I know you're a man child and all, but is the cuddling really necessary? Go hop in the shower and change. I'm not done here yet, and by the time we start eating, we'll only have an hour before having to be at that rat infested dump, so we should really be ready beforehand."

"You love my cuddling…"

"Newbie…"

JD sighed, though his grin was still very much in place. The banter that he had once taken offense to was now, more often than not, playful, and the young doctor actually took joy in their little exchanges.

Turning away from his favorite chef, JD made his way over to the bathroom. He'd have to remember to look out for whatever shampoo it was the older man was fond of. While he knew it didn't consist of his own personal favorites – strawberries, coconuts, lilacs – he thought that he'd give it a try.

--

"Something's different about you today."

JD looked up from his chart, surprised by Elliot's latest comment. "Huh?"

The blonde was circling him now, tapping her chin and wearing a contemplative look. "Hmm…it's not your posture, it's not your mood… Oh, oh! It's your scent! You smell good, but not in the usual girly way. You used a different shampoo, didn't you?"

JD grinned. It was awesome having a girl as one of his best friends. He was able to talk to her about things like shampoos without getting made fun of. "Yup! It's Perry's."

"What's it called?"

"It's Redken for Men: Mint Clean. Should I keep using it?"

"Definitely."

"Vanilla Bear!"

JD and Elliot both turned, smiling broadly at the surgeon who approached them. "Chocolate Bear!"

The two interns hugged, while Carla, who had just walked up to the nurse's station, rolled her eyes playfully. "Dude, I missed you last night!" Turk started up. "Don't get me wrong, I definitely understand needing some alone time to, you know, 'Do your thang',' but Carla had to go take care of her mom, so I was alone with no one to watch the Gilmore Girls marathon with!"

"Aw, I'm sorry C-Bear. I'm not staying at Perry's place tonight though, okay? We'll definitely do something."

"Sweet! Okay, I gotta go do surgery. I'm really dreading it though."

"Hard one?"

"No, not at all! In fact, that's why I'm dreading it. Our new attending hates me, and I really don't get why. She's making me hold fat flaps today. Where's the challenge in that?"

"Is that Dr. Miller?" Elliot piped in then.

"Yeah! Have you met her?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. She gave me a bit of tongue lashing, but you know…I kind of like her. Anyway, you might want to lay off of the whole, 'I'll help you beat off the big-bad-men' thing, Turk. She thinks you're a sexist."

"What!? No way! I didn't mean it like that. Just look at who I'm dating!"

"Oh, don't you dare use me as an escape," Carla cut in, her eyes darting up for just a moment while her hand continued signing various forms. "You need to apologize, Baby. I know you didn't mean it in a sexist way, but you really should."

The surgeon sighed. "I know… I'll tell her after surgery today, alright? I don't think I'll be able to get out of holding flat flaps no matter what, and she might be more up to accepting an apology after she's witnessed my punishment…"

Carla leaned across the nurse's station, giving her boyfriend a soft peck on the cheek. "You'll do fine, Sweetie. I know you will."

"Thanks," he responded sincerely. Turning back to both JD and Elliot, he gave a final wave before departing, the bounce that had been lacking in his step earlier now back in full swing.

"Guess I should go too," Elliot said once Turk was gone. "My patient isn't taking her seizure medication, so I'm going to go and talk to her to try and figure out why."

"Good luck. Page me if you need me, alright?"

"Thanks, JD. I will."

Gathering his own charts, the intern said his goodbyes to Carla before heading off to his first patient's room of the day. Until…

Before he could register what was happening, the brunet's charts were everywhere; flying this way and that and landing with a number of loud crashes on the floor, right along with his back. Ow.

Opening his eyes only seconds after the tumble, JD wasn't at all surprised to see the face of the Janitor staring down at him. Tricky bastard. How come he was never able to sense when he was around? The Organization should add a new session to their training program. JD could lead it from his experience with Lurch. It'd be called, "The Janitor Awareness Seminar," in which he would dress up in a jumpsuit and pop out of corners to frighten new assassins. He'd arm them with mops to defeat his various attacks, so that if ever they were put in a situation such as the one he was in now, they'd be ready. But what if by then, mops became more inventive? After all, technology was growing at a rapid rate. It was only a matter of weeks before some scientist came out with a new invention. "The laser mop: Will instantaneously burn any dirt left on your floor…and also your enemies' eyes."

"You know, you usually complain by now, or at least get up from the floor. I'd assume you were unconscious if your eyes were closed, but unfortunately, they're not."

JD blinked, emerging from his fantasy and standing from the soap soaked floor in a manner of seconds. "Why're you always tripping me?" he asked for about the millionth time. "I told you I was sorry on my first day of work. I was frazzled and didn't mean it."

"Didn't mean what?"

"That you were an idiot!"

"Oh, so just because I'm a Janitor, I'm an idiot, is that it?"

"What? No! That's exactly the opposite of what I was just trying to –"

"I'm watching you, Scooter…"

JD watched, frustrated and straight out confused, as the Janitor made his overly dramatic exit, practiced evil eye set on stun. The intern shook his head. He met a lot of crazy characters in his lifetime, but the Janitor was definitely something else.

Still, he wasn't going to let Soap Jockey's latest stunt drag him down. He was too happy! He was in a good relationship, had a handful of good friends, and was even coming along as a doctor!

_But you'll have to leave in –_

_Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up. I still have almost nine months, okay? Let me be._

_What about your relationship? Don't you think that – _

_Look, the Superior hasn't bothered me about it. I mean, the only reason he even knew about my drinking that one time was because he happened to be at the bar. He's never checked up on me before during missions, so unless I go back to that God awful place and tell him myself, he's not going to know. Besides, even if he _did_ know, what would it matter? Drinking's against the rules because it can affect your work, but as long as I…as long as I kill the target, then it shouldn't matter to him._

_The target. Kelso you mean? What research have you done on him in the last three months, hmmm…?_

_N-None. But the Superior only told me to keep an eye out. He didn't even say to investigate. That was for my own benefit, so I'd know who it was. So shut up, please. I'm in a good mood and I'd like to keep it that way._

Annoyed with himself for letting his inner monologue dampen his optimistic outlook, JD shook his head. He had to keep his spirits up. The last three months had been great, hadn't they? Yes, they definitely had. No way was he going to dismiss it all now.

Regaining his energetic spark, JD once again made his way towards his first patient's room. It was only half way there when he realized that the room was located in pediatrics. Huh, that was new. He'd never gotten a child as a patient before. Well, that was fine. He liked kids! No problem there.

Turning down the corridor, the intern reached his destination in no time. Friendly smile in place, JD opened the door. "Hi, Zachary, I'm Dr. –"

"Zachary, remember what Mr. Cookie Pants _always_ says about blowing your nose. If it's clear, have no fear! If it's bloody come see your Mommy!"

Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God.

The room spun wildly as JD leaned against the door frame, his shaking, sweaty palms gripping desperately at the handle for support. How? When did he even…? _Why!?_

"Oh, Dr. Dorian, right? Sorry to snatch your patient from you, but the little guy was bored, so I thought I'd throw him a puppet show."

JD visibly shook as he nodded, doing his best to keep his composure only for the blissfully unaware child that sat quite contently on the small cot.

"You liked Mr. Cookie Pants, right Zachary?"

The kid beamed. "Uh-huh!"

"Yup," he continued, voice just as unusually cheerful as before, "I like puppets too, though usually…" The man stopped, turning his attention to the intern in the doorway, a devious smile playing on his lips that only JD himself could see. "Though usually, I prefer marionettes."

Oh, God. He was going to be sick. He was going to completely lose it. He was going to freak the fuck out! "D-Doctor…"

"It's Dr. Norris. And how may I help you, Dr. Dorian?"

"Ah…um… Did you want…did you want to discuss something with me?"

"Why as a matter of fact, I did." With a bone chilling smile, the man turned his attention back to the child on the bed. "Bye, Zachary! Nice meeting you. You take care of that runny nose now, alright?"

"I will! Are you going to be my doctor from now on?"

"Sorry, little man. I'm just here for the day, filling in for your _real_ doctor. You take care though, alright?"

"Yup! Bye-bye, Dr. Norris."

The man waved a friendly goodbye, simultaneously slinking an arm around JD's shoulders. "My office is right over here, Dr. Dorian. No sweat."

Immediately after making it into his office, door closed behind them, JD lunged for the small trash can, relieving himself of the bile that he'd been fighting off so desperately during the young patient's examination. Between the hurls and the desperate intakes of breath, JD could hear his Superior take a seat at the desk; could see his fingers drumming oh-so-casually against what appeared to be a giant, plastic phone.

What the _hell_ was going on!?

Letting his stomach act of its own accord just one more time, JD took in another lungful of air, closing his eyes and thinking only on the mechanics of it all. _Oxygen. Air. In. Out. In. Out. It's okay. It's okay, John, it's okay. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe._

"Are you done now, Mr. Doris?"

A tremor made its way through the assassin's body, but he nodded, pulling himself up right and placing his pale, sleek form on the chair across from his Superior's new desk.

"Different from the office you're used to, isn't it?" he started up again, voice back to its menacing, authoritative tone. "I prefer my leather bound books and marionettes, but these Sesame like creatures will do for now, I suppose."

JD, not being able to take much more, blurted the one and only question that circled frantically inside of his head. "What are you _doing _here?"

The assassin flinched as ice blue eyes turned dangerously onto his own.

"Why are you here…Sir."

"I am here, Mr. Doris, for your evaluation."

"I'm sorry…?"

"You've never had a mission as long as the one you have now, so I am here for your midpoint evaluation. It's a simple conversation, Mr. Doris. I just want to hear how it is you're coming along in this place."

JD swallowed nervously. "I-I'm alright."

"Have you gone drinking again?"

The doctor turned a fraction paler at the man's latest question, having not expected him to bring the topic up. "No, Sir."

"Good. What about your guise? Are you coming off as a medically trained doctor?"

"I-I believe so, Sir, yes."

"Very good. And your peers? Are you doing well at deceiving them into thinking you actually belong here?"

JD flinched. "I…I haven't been deceiving them, Sir. I mean, I really do, um…I feel like I fit in quite –"

"Come now, Mr. Doris, it's a very easy question. Yes or no."

"…Yes."

"Very good. That'll be all, 'Dr. Dorian.' You are free to resume your daily routine. I will be out of here in another hour, at which point, Dr. Callahan will most likely be arousing from the injection given to him earlier. Don't worry; he won't remember a thing. After a quick survey of his surroundings, the on-call room, to be exact, I'm sure he will get up and promptly return to his job. No harm done. So yes, Mr. Doris, you are dismissed."

Hurriedly, JD stood from his chair, fumbling over to the door. It wasn't until his hand reached the handle did it suddenly hit him. In his state of panic, he had over looked the comment, making little to no sense of it. Now, though, its meaning ran clear like a bell, the likely hood of its outcome sending yet another wave of nausea throughout his entire body. "Sir," he started slowly, unable to turn around and look at him quite yet. "You said you were here for my _mid_-point evaluation, right?"

"That is correct."

"B-But I've only been here for three months. Soon to be four, but still –"

"That was an error. I meant to come the minute it hit the three month marker, but there were some issues back at the Organization."

"I…okay. But, Sir…if it's my mid-point evaluation, and I'm assigned here for a year, then wouldn't you wait until the sixth month in?"

"Ah, yes. I knew I meant to tell you something. Your time's been cut in half, Mr. Doris. There's really no need to keep you here for a full year, not with how smoothly it's been going. Personally, I thought you would not make a good doctor. Medical books are one thing, but without the proper education, I did not think you'd be able to apply what you have learned. However, you've adapted quite well. Socially too, though that doesn't particularly surprise me. Anyway, your time will now be up in three months. I'll inform you of the target's identity during your last week here, but until then, just keep your eyes open."

It was a moment before JD made his complete turn around; before his wide, blue eyes made a firm landing on the man that sat comfortably behind a desk that wasn't even his. What…_what_ did he just say? "I-I'm sorry?"

"Three months. Was that not clear? Now leave, Mr. Doris. We're done here."

"But you can't do that!"

JD froze, the realization of what he had just said hitting him all at once. Quietly, the Superior stood from his place behind the desk, taking his time as he slowly but surely made his way over to the brunet's stone cold form. "As I said earlier, I prefer my marionettes over these silly looking puppets any day. My marionettes are, well…they're beautiful. It takes a lot of talent to control them, you know? There's no real challenge behind a puppet like the ones here. Stick your arm up its socket and there you go. But with a marionette…one must master the movement; the strings. Ah, the strings…a transparent line connected to each and every limb; hard to notice to the untrained eye. A twitch of the thumb here, a flick of the index finger there, and wa-la! They're dancing. Yet, if the audience were to move their awe struck gaze to watch the hands of their master, do you know what they would see? Well, they'd see nothing. Nothing but fingers moving this way and that, but the art of it all would appear simple; easy.

"But it's not. It's an art that takes thinking and planning and cunning. Sure; after a while, it becomes second nature for the artist in question, but the process of getting there takes work. Do you know what else happens in that process though? Love; _possession._ A love is born for the creatures you control on a daily basis; the desire to never let them out of your grasp. You start to see them as more than lifeless little dolls, but pets. Children, even. Precious little things that just need a bit of guidance. And the best part about my marionettes? They never talk back."

JD inhaled sharply as the Superior's nose practically grazed against his own, his one hand going up to press against the closed door, while his other rose up, fingers dancing wistfully, only inches away from his pale, sweat soaked neck.

"I will do whatever it is I please to do," the Superior whispered menacingly, eyes drilling holes into the assassin's. "And you, Mr. Doris, will do whatever it is I command. A twitch of the finger here, a flick of the wrist there… You will do whatever I say without question. Are we clear? I advise you to answer promptly."

"Y-Yes, Sir."

"Very good. _Now,_ Mr. Doris,you are dismissed."

When asked later what drove him to the men's locker room, JD wouldn't be able to answer. Maybe it was the cool air that helped calm him during a panic attack; when it felt as though his clothes were choking him; when it felt as though his whole body had been set on fire.

_You thought everything was fine, didn't you? You fooled yourself into thinking you could stay here forever._

Maybe it was that, due to the way the room echoed, he knew his screams would eventually be heard; knew he'd be found kicking and thrashing on his back; the loud clangs of his feet meeting metal sending off warning signs to whoever passed first.

_Still a lot of time left, huh? How does three months sound? Bit of a reality check, isn't it?_

Or maybe, just maybe, it was the memory of first being kissed by Dr. Cox that drew him to the place in question; a memory that would hopefully calm down his racing heart and loud, horrified screams.

He couldn't really recall hearing the door open, nor could he recall taking off his shirt, but when the sleeves of a lab coat met his own naked torso, their arms wrapping around his middle and pulling him into a sitting position, JD didn't need to turn his head to know who it was; who was rocking him in an odd combination of franticness and gentleness that the brunet had yet to witness.

Breaths returning to normal, JD finally registered what was being whispered to him. "Breathe, JD, breathe. Come on, Newbie, it's okay. In and out. Just like that. You're alright, JD. It's okay."

"Dr. Cox," he exhaled.

"Yeah, Newbie, it's me."

"Found me," he muttered, body too worn to form proper sentences.

"Heard you. The whole nurse's station heard you."

"Embarrassing…"

"JD, you work in a hospital. Panic attacks aren't uncommon around here. And no one but me and Carla realized it was you, okay?"

"Turk…Elliot…"

"They're still with their patients, kid. We don't have to tell them if you don't want to."

"Wanna tell them everything. Wanna tell you everything…"

JD sighed as calloused fingers ran through his hair, pushing loose strands back and off of his sweat covered forehead. "Not right now, okay? I'm taking you to the on-call room."

"Dr. Callahan."

"What?"

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, Newbie, he's fine. Just took his break earlier than usual, that's all. And that's exactly what you're going to do today too. Come."

JD obeyed, though really, he didn't have to. The attending practically picked him up, allowing the younger of the two to use him as a crutch. Emerging from the locker room, JD was glad to notice that the nurse's station was void of any gossiping on-lookers, wondering vaguely if that had been Carla's doing. After that, it was only a matter of seconds before he was being ushered into a bed, Dr. Cox even taking the time to slip his shirt back on.

"Don't you usually go for the opposite?" he joked, voice still thick with lethargy.

Perry just rolled his eyes. "Are you the Todd today, kid?"

"Just joking."

"Yeah, Newbie, I know. Now go to sleep, alright? We'll talk later."

"Sorry…"

"Oh, c'mon there, kid, I'm not mad. Just remember that Kelso will be gone all of next week. Now if that doesn't say 'stress reduced work hours' then I don't know what does."

JD's training sparked to life at once, the assassin in him suddenly alert. A whole week of a Kelso-less hospital? A whole week that made infiltrating the man's office ten times easier?

But JD, who hated being an assassin on a good day, threw the thought from his mind, too tired and too weary to care. The last thing he felt were those same set of rough, calloused fingers combing through his hair, before letting sleep over take him completely.

_**A/N: **__So the Superior finally has a face, I guess you would say. On a lighter note, I will confess to you guys the slight difference this chapter's original ending had. Originally, after Dr. Cox combs his fingers through JD's hair, our favorite intern notices Perry bringing his hand to his face, and then hears him ask to himself, "Did he use my shampoo?" right before falling asleep completely. I liked the joke, but when I went back to edit it, it seemed more out of place than the comedic relief I was going for, so I threw it out. Thought I'd share anyway though. :) Anyway, that's about it from me. Until next time!_


	10. Chapter 9

_**Important A/N: **__Okay, before we begin here, I just want to make mention that the beginning of this chapter holds some religious content. It's going to seem random, but I can assure you it's there for a reason. But more than just that, I want to let you all know that I don't, nor have I ever, set out to offend anyone. As I said earlier: What's there is there for a reason, but I don't want anyone to think that I am taking anybody's personal beliefs casually. That being said, I appreciate all of your kind feedback, sincerely, and I hope you enjoy the chapter._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 9:**

"_Look in my eyes. You're killing me, killing me. All I wanted was you."_

_-The Kill, by 30 Seconds to Mars-_

The rest of JD's shift had gone by as well as to be expected.

After waking up, Carla had offered to drive him back to their apartment. (When did she start living with them again?) Of course, JD had declined, not wanting to waste a minute of his precious time as a doctor and with the people he cared about, especially now that his assignment had been cut in half…

That new piece of knowledge, along with his whole encounter with the Superior, had him anxious for the rest of the day, so when he finally _did_ get home to the apartment, he collapsed onto the couch with a large sigh of relief.

Yawning, JD went to stretch his legs, startling a bit when his foot hit an object he hadn't noticed there before, sending it to the floor with a soft thump. Curiously, the brunet looked over the side of the couch to find…a Bible? Well that was weird. Okay, maybe "weird" was the wrong word, but he couldn't recall either Turk or Carla ever reading one. Wanting to focus on any thing other than what happened earlier, JD leaned forward, grabbing the worn book and placing it on his lap.

For a while, all he could do was stare. What on earth was he thinking? While he knew close to nothing about _any_ religion, he was familiar enough with "Thou shalt not kill." He'd broken that rule ninety-nine times. He was honestly surprised that his skin didn't burst into flames upon picking it up.

With no real idea what he was doing, JD flipped it open to a random page, eyes skimming for nothing in particular, when a sudden burst of red font grabbed his attention.

"_Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me."_

JD frowned. "My body which is broken for you?" What did that mean? A sudden turn of the doorknob had him closing the book in a hurry, turning so that he could greet whoever entered.

"Hey, man! Dr. Miller accepted my apology. I get to assist on a gastric bypass tomorrow. Cool, right?"

"Yeah! Um…Turk? Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Do you…are you religious?"

Turk's eyes widened, clearly not having expected the question. After a second or two, the look of shock morphed into that of contemplation, clearly pondering his roommate's latest query. Finally, he grinned. "Well, I wouldn't really call myself 'religious.' But I believe in God, that's for sure." JD was surprised when Turk reached into his scrubs top, pulling out a small, gold cross that hung delicately around his neck. How come he'd never noticed that before? The smile soon vanished though, the surgeon having realized that JD's eyebrows were still furrowed. "You're not, I mean…does that bother you…?"

Now it was JD's turn to look shocked. The tone of apprehension, plus the obvious look of fear, reminded the young intern of himself just a few months ago; when he had mistaken Turk's behavior for not liking him because he was dating a man. "What? Oh, God, no! I was just curious, that's all."

Immediately, his roommate's shoulders deflated with relief, his optimistic smile returning. "Just wanted to make sure I wasn't losing my VB."

"Never." JD had been getting ready to add, "And that's a promise," until the Superior's voice from earlier came back into this head… Damn it.

"Why?"

JD, who had let his mind wander just a second too long, jumped a little at the question, having thought the conversation to be over. "Huh?"

"Why'd you ask? Everything okay?"

The brunet chose to ignore the latter of those questions, not having the strength to muster up the lie it would take to give a convincing answer, and decided to focus on the first one instead. "I found your Bible a few minutes ago. Well actually, I sort of kicked it on the floor…" JD stopped, looking towards Turk nervously, but the surgeon remained completely unfazed, waiting for his friend to continue. "Anyway, I was really curious, and I opened it up." The intern couldn't help but squirm as he carried on. He hadn't planned on asking any questions, but his curiosity over the situation was rising. "Do you know what eating a broken body means?"

Turk's eyes popped comically as he took a seat on the couch next to the doe eyed doctor. "What kind of Bible were _you_ reading?"

JD chuckled nervously. "Okay, I may've forgotten it exactly. Um…Oh! Okay, I remember more of it. Right after that part, it was something like, 'In remembrance of me.' Does that sound familiar?"

Turk leaned forward, taking the bottle of beer he'd picked up from the fridge and placing the lid under Rowdy's mouth, ignoring the top as it flew away, expression still contemplative. Finally, it dawned on him. "Oh, okay! I know what you're talking about now. That was the Last Supper."

"'The Last Supper?' I never went to church, but that sounds really familiar."

"Yeah. Jesus – you know who that is, right?"

JD nodded.

"Okay, so Jesus was about to go sacrifice himself for, well, everybody. But before he did that, he had dinner with his disciples. Basically, his best friends. Anyway, he broke off pieces of bread and passed them around the table, and that's what he said right before he handed out the food."

"Oh, okay… But why was he sacrificing himself?"

"To put it in a nutshell, he was sacrificing himself for everyone. You know, to save them."

"'To save them?'"

Turk nodded. "Yup. All out of love. Cool, right?"

"I was actually going to say it's kind of depressing…"

"Okay, well…maybe 'cool' was the wrong word. I just meant that, you know…even if that's not something you believe, it's still a good story, right? Guess it'd be cooler if I mentioned him coming back."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. Actually, I've always wondered something. Maybe you'll know."

"Go for it, man."

"Chocolate bunnies and eggs…is there some connection to that in the Bible?"

Turk began laughing instantly, shortly followed by JD. While it was true he knew close to nothing about religion, he had a feeling that would be his answer. "Man, I have no idea," his roommate finally responded. "But if the Big Guy's cool with us eating chocolate bunnies with a side of peeps, then I'm definitely not gonna complain."

"True that, dawg!"

"Dude…"

"Be whiter. I know."

Turk reached over, patting his friend's shoulder lovingly. "Word. Now let's watch something."

"Cheers marathon?"

"Definitely!"

JD sprang up from the couch, having regained his second wind, to grab a soda from the fridge. Part of him wanted to give beer another try so he could have one with Turk, but after today's run in with the Superior, he wasn't taking any more chances.

--

The brunet tried not to chuckle as the man's lips hit the curve between his shoulder and his neck. After another moment, however, he just couldn't contain himself. Biting his lip as to not make it a loud one, JD giggled.

Perry came up for air with an eye roll. "I should be used to this by now, but honestly, Princess, a _giggle?_ You really are a girl."

"You know I can't help it when you hit that ticklish spot. What do you want from me?"

"A _moan_ would be nice."

Perry leaned in again, lips going back to work. JD tried not to snicker as the older man crept closer to that sensitive spot yet again. Should he do it? It was risky, but – Oh, man, he couldn't help himself. He just _had _to go for it.

With the Irishmen's lips back to where they were only moments ago, JD started talking, tone purposefully monotonous and bored. "Oh baby, oh baby. That's the spot. Oh baby, oh – _Ow!_"

JD gripped the place where he'd just been bitten, though he couldn't help but release the spout of laughter he kept stored up during his little prank. "Not cool, Perry, not cool!"

"You needed to be punished," Cox replied matter-of-factly, though there was the shadow of a playful smirk as he spoke.

"You know I didn't mean it," JD replied with a pout.

Dr. Cox merely grunted as he positioned himself comfortably on his side of JD's bed. "Why're we sleeping at your apartment again?"

"Because we never spend the night at my place! Besides, Turk and Carla are out for the night. I think she was sort of mad that he spent every night hanging out with me this past week…"

"She's going to have to get used to you and Gandhi being secret lovers. I am."

JD, being an expert at finding the compliment in Perry's remarks, curled into the older man's side with a smile. Just as he was getting ready to drift off, however, a low, sincere voice brought him back to attention.

"This was…nice."

JD blinked. Perry's voice. God save him, but was it really…? Taken aback, the young doctor pulled his head away from the man in question, tilting it back just slightly in order to see his expression. "I'm sorry?"

"This was nice, Newbie. A nice end to a Kelso-less week."

JD's heart sunk to his stomach. What was supposed to be a sweet, loving compliment from Perry was tarnished by the mention of Kelso, and Dr. Cox didn't even know it.

Kelso… He'd tried so many times during his week away to infiltrate the man's office; to look for more proof as to why the Chief of Medicine had to be none other than the target himself. But, despite the man's usual tyrannical way of running things, the hospital had been crazy busy without his presence. Dr. Cox and the other attendings seemed to handle it all just fine, probably more pleased by the Chief's absence than anything else, but the interns? JD and the rest of his fellow co-workers who were still in the process of learning? Nuh-uh. No way.

JD was brought out of his quiet worrying when Dr. Cox suddenly shifted, clearly uncomfortable. "Okay, well…night there, Sally."

Moving to turn over for bed, JD reached out to him in a rush, having realized his mistake. "It _was_ nice," the brunet confirmed, voice and eyes full of sincerity. God, he was such an idiot. While he was drawn to Perry's gruff nature, he couldn't help but wish, every now and then, that the man would open up a little. And now, when he was finally giving it a try, JD had completely ignored him.

Maybe it was because they were closer than ever, or maybe it was simply because Dr. Cox had good observational skills, but the brunet's worries, while having remained unspoken, seemed to penetrate the older man's understanding in seconds. "Relax, Newbie. You're fine. We're fine. Now get some sleep, will you? Tomorrow's the return of Beelzebub, so we're ra-_heely_ gonna need it."

JD gave his best convincing smile as Perry pulled him in for another kiss before turning over completely. Quietly, the intern lied out on the bed; back to the mattress and eyes to the ceiling. It didn't take long at all for him to reach a decision, yet it wasn't until Perry's breaths became deep and even did he finally decide to act on it.

Tonight, when he wasn't supposed to be there, when nobody would be looking for him, he would sneak into Kelso's office. Tonight he would find what he needed to confirm what he already knew to be true.

--

It felt weird to be wearing all black again. For most of his missions, he didn't have to, since he was in disguise already, after all. But now that he was deviating from the plan in order to find out more information for himself, the color was most definitely the best choice. He could have, of course, kept to his scrubs and just walked into the hospital, but he'd worked there long enough to be recognized and opted taking the window route instead.

Once inside the office, JD removed the flash light from his belt, quietly grazing the room before going about his work. Both his training and his experience had taught him that it was never a wise decision to turn a light on in a room that was supposed to remain off. It was a common mistake, even for some of the more experienced assassins. It was easy to forget how such a simple flick of the light could be noticed through the crack of a door. JD grinned when he remembered Sean throwing a mini tantrum at having almost been caught over the mistake after one of his missions.

Okay, now was not the time to reflect on petty rivalries. He had to concentrate.

Making his way over to the file cabinet he hadn't attempted to re-open in months, JD unlocked the first drawer with ease, flashlight held firm between his teeth, as he went about looking over each individual file.

He knew it. He knew it, he knew it, he knew it! All of them, every single one, were coma patients; very _rich_ coma patients. Patients that had remained in their state of unconsciousness for over three years, at least. Patient's whose insurance only further funded Sacred Heart's needs, and quite possibly Bob Kelso's pockets…

Okay, drawer number one: check. Now for drawer number two.

JD felt his stomach crawl as he came upon the files he uncovered there, one in particular. The second drawer, to his disgust, was filled with the names of dead board members, _including_ Jordan's father. All of them had been filthy rich, and all of them, every single one, had left a good sum of money to the hospital in their wills. Did Kelso…had he known? Had he really…? JD tried not to shiver as his sympathy suddenly went out to Ms. Sullivan. The woman had been a pain, yeah, but Dr. Cox had loved her at one point or another. Surely she hadn't always been that way. What if Kelso…what if Kelso had been the cause of her father's death? What if that had been the very same thing that had made her adapt such a hard outer shell? "I'm sorry," he whispered quietly, his sympathy never unwavering towards her loss. _Keep it together, Doris. You still have one more drawer to go._

JD was shocked, to say the least, when he came upon the contents of the third drawer. He had expected horror upon horrors; certainly nothing like what he found there now.

Instead of files of the dead, the assassin came across a number of family photos; some stacked, some framed, some lovingly written on. One portrait in particular caught his eye; a family portrait, to be exact. In its wooden frame contained three different people. A lovely young woman who smiled warmly at the camera, a child that looked to be between the ages of ten and twelve, and a much younger, much happier looking Bob Kelso. JD turned it around, eyes soft, to find another picture tucked neatly in the back corner. Trying his best to keep it together, the intern removed it with care, unfolding it gently to view the photo that obviously meant something to the older man.

In this picture, the same young woman from the portrait was planting a playful kiss on the young Bob Kelso's cheek, her arm extended outwards, obviously having taken the picture herself. JD flipped this one over as well, heart clenching when he read the neatly scrawled out message that awaited him there.

_Bobby,_

_You are my world. I know you know this, but I feel the need, or rather, the desire to tell you yet again. I know things are stressful right now; I know how badly you want to move up the food chain, and I know how scared you are. But Bobby, I believe in you. You'll make it, and you'll make it because you're a good doctor. And I'll be here, Sweetheart, whenever you need me. When you come home at night, little Harrison and I will always be there to greet you. Know this, and never forget it._

_Love,_

_Bunny_

JD swallowed hard, his eyes filled with mist, as he folded the small picture delicately, putting it back where it belonged and back inside the file cabinet. Were he and his wife still that close? Were he and his _son_ still that close? But more importantly, did any of that even matter? No matter how close they were, the fact remained the same: Kelso had a family; a family that obviously meant something to him, since he kept their photos organized the way he did. A family that, most likely, he couldn't openly hang pictures of up in his office. Not when so many people were coming in day in and day out; where they'd be able to see for themselves that he wasn't, quite possibly, the man they were supposed to have nothing but fear and respect for.

JD rubbed his eyes, angry at his discovery and the tears they brought on. It was this type of thing that truly made him hate his profession. These types of realizations that, more than anything, made him hate himself. Tonight's mission had proven to him, once and for all, that Kelso was the target. He'd have to kill this man eventually. Would it avenge those the Chief of Medicine had killed or assisted in killing? Depends who you asked. Would it save all of the coma patients whose money he was milking out of them by not giving them proper treatment? Maybe. Did those facts make it any easier to permanently take away Bob Kelso from his family?

Not at all.

As JD closed up the final cabinet, heart heavy, he couldn't help but get a wave of déjà vu. Maybe it was because he'd done ninety-nine missions before, or maybe it was because, much like his last experience almost four months ago, the door was suddenly jingling to life.

Oh, _come on!_

The assassin sprang to his feet, immediately making his way over towards the spot under Kelso's desk. JD listened intently for a voice, but nothing but annoyed grumblings met his ears. Something else was different too. There were sounds other than foot steps, yet he could only identify one set that moved begrudgingly about the room. It wasn't until he heard the sound of Windex being sprayed did he finally realize who it was. No. No need to jump to conclusions. It's not like the hospital had only _one_ Janitor.

"Never noticed that lamp before. Huh…it'd look pretty good with a squirrel-fur shade."

Never mind.

Quietly, JD peered out from behind his hiding place, happy to find the Janitor's back turned towards him. Quickly, he glanced towards the door, his relief from a moment ago shattering at seeing it closed. No way he'd be able to get out from under the desk, open the door, and run out without the Janitor noticing him. Even if it was for a split second, JD was more than positive he'd be recognized. After all, the man spent most of his days stalking and thinking up new and devious ways to bring him down. And while he knew the likely hood of the Janitor catching him on the run was very slim, he knew the guy disliked him enough to black mail him over the situation, and God only knew where that could lead to…

Having a rare moment in which he was silently thankful for his training, JD got up from his position on the floor in one, swift motion, jetting over to the Janitor in silence. Arm outstretched, the assassin grabbed hold of the Janitor's neck and squeezed. In seconds, the man went limp, falling to the ground with a thud that made the young intern wince. "Sorry," he apologized to the Janitor's unconscious form, heart racing wildly from the sudden burst of adrenaline. "I mean, well…you pretty much stalk me every day, but I honestly hadn't planned on knocking you out or anything."

Heart still racing, JD was sure to make certain that the custodian was laid out comfortably before leaving the office. He'd regain consciousness in a short five minutes, and would probably wonder what the hell happened. For that reason, and the fact that he'd gotten what he came for, it was definitely time to go home.

--

After parking Malik, JD carried himself into the apartment building, choosing to take the elevator rather than take the stairs. It wasn't too long of a climb, but the night had tired him more than he had anticipated. More than anything, he couldn't wait to get back to the apartment; to crawl into the warmth of his bed and to curl up, happy and safe, against Perry's sleeping form.

JD sighed in relief as he finally made it to his door, opening it with a gentle yawn. He was shocked, to say the least, when rather than the quiet, dimly lit apartment, a gun, pointed in his direction, greeted him instead; it's owner's face twisted with that of betrayal and rage.

"D-Doctor Cox…?"

The man's face only swelled with the emotions that were there, confusion now also a participant. Angrily, the older man let go of the file he'd been holding; the file JD hadn't even noticed he'd been carrying. The file that held the details of his mission; his profession, his guise…

With a growl that would put the man's usual rants to shame, Dr. Cox spoke; his voice full with nothing short of rage. "Who the _fuck_ are you, John Doris!?"

_**A/N:**__ …That was a really bad cliffhanger, I know. Try not to hate me too much. On a much lighter note, the Janitor bit was first planted in my head by what was originally said as a joke revolving around a ninja clad JD by Miss _**Exangeline**,_ so major kudos to her for that one. Anyway, that's about it from me. Until next time!_


	11. Chapter 10

_**A/N: **__So I decided to update this sucker earlier than usual. My main reasons being because it's definitely the longest chapter I've ever written, so I thought I'd give you guys more time to read it, and two, well…I don't want to get beaten up. lol Seriously though, thank you guys for the amazing feedback and hanging in there. I know the last chapter ended on quite a cliff hanger, so on that note, I'll shut up and leave you to it. Enjoy!_

_**Warning: **__Chapter rated T (or maybe M) for language._

**Chapter 10:**

"_When I counted up my demons – saw there was one for everyday – with the good ones on my shoulders, I drove the other ones away."_

_-Everything's Not Lost, by Coldplay-_

"Who the fuck are you, John Doris!?"

JD's hands went up instinctively, blue eyes wide with horror as he stared down at the barrel of the gun. But what horrified him more than just the possibility of death was the image of Perry Cox wielding a fatal weapon. To have a gun pointed at him by Dr. Cox, of all people... This man was not a killer. He was a _healer._ Despite his intimidating mannerisms, despite the usual angry way in which he carried himself, this was not how Dr. Cox was _ever_ supposed to appear. Not his Dr. Cox. Not his Perry.

Of course, he wasn't really Perry's JD now, was he?

"ANSWER ME!"

JD flinched, backing up till his frame was pressed against the door. "D-Doctor Cox. I…I'm not –"

"I know you're not John _Dorian,_ so you can skip that part!"

"Perry –"

"_NO!_ Don't you even _think_ of calling me by my first name! Tell me! Tell me _right now! _Who the fuck are you _really?_ Who the fuck have I been sleeping with for these past four months!? And who the _fuck_ have I fallen in - !?" Dr. Cox stopped, shaking his head in more than obvious disgust, and amidst the anger and the confusion and the betrayal, JD finally saw what he originally missed. The hurt. The pain. The total devastation that was this man's entire demeanor. Was it obvious? Not at all. Was it obvious to JD? Very.

It just took him a second to figure it out…

Swallowing his shame, JD nodded, doing his best to keep his voice level. "Okay. No first name. No lies. Just…please put the gun down…?"

"Put those damn baby blues away. I'm not buying that disguise anymore."

JD bit the inside of his mouth. This was _not_ a good time to cry, but God, did that sting. Whatever about his eyes that had apparently captured Perry's attention was never a disguise. In fact, not a single part of JD's admiration for him was a lie; how much he respected him, how much he cared, how much he really –

"Stop welling up, damn it! I'm not buying it! I just told you that!"

"I-I'm sorry."

Dr. Cox swallowed. Hard. JD watched him with bated breath has his grip around the gun lessened just a little. Maybe it was the way he had unintentionally choked out his "I'm sorry." The way it poured from his mouth, undeniably real, that caused the older man to suddenly nod him over to the couch, though he was apparently not ready to stop pointing the gun in the assassin's direction.

And quite frankly, JD couldn't blame him.

"Sit," he ordered sharply, voice still laced with anger.

JD did as he was told, hands still out in the open, as Dr. Cox pulled a chair from the kitchen table over to the living room; placing himself, and the gun, right across from the brunet. "Now talk."

"What a –"

"You know damn well what about, _John Doris._ I want to know who you are. _Now_."

"I…I don't really know where to start, Pe – Dr. Cox."

"Fine. Let's start with some simple questions, then. Are you a doctor?"

"…No."

Dr. Cox frowned, eyebrows drawing together in quiet observation. "So what are you really…?"

"I… I don't even know how to start this."

There was a long pause, in which the anger on Cox's face slowly slipped into a look of deep contemplation; the wheels in his mind turning visibly beneath his hardened stare. "Last week when you had your panic attack, do you remember what you said to me in the locker room?"

It was JD's turn to frown now. He'd been kind of out of it. What had he said? "No," he confessed quietly.

"I asked you if you wanted to tell Gandhi and Barbie what happened. I told you that you didn't have to, but you said you wanted to tell them. You said you wanted to tell them everything; wanted to tell _me_ everything. I thought it was just the anxiety talking, but I'm guessing you were actually going somewhere with that one, huh? Well here you go then, John; your chance to tell me everything."

JD swallowed, throat uncomfortably dry. He remembered now. Not only did he remember saying that to him, but he remembered meaning it, too. But how to start? Where to begin? There was really no easy way into it, was there? The best way to start was to get the main elephant out of the room; the answer to Perry's main question; the one he hadn't formed word for word, but the one that, if he had really examined JD's file down to the T, he probably already figured out…

"I'm an assassin."

Dr. Cox nodded, jaw tight, confirming the brunet's unspoken musings. "Okay, next question: I'm assuming you're undercover, right?"

JD nodded.

"Okay, so how many of these…'undercover missions'…have you gone on?"

JD tried not to cringe. Anything but that. Please. Any question but that. He didn't want to tell the person he watched save lives everyday just exactly how many lives he took in his lifetime. Stalling, JD tried asking a few questions of his own. "How do you know this isn't my first mission? I mean…what makes you think I've done this before?"

"Please. You don't have to be a part of whatever sick club you're a part of to figure certain things out. 'John Dorian?' Strikingly similar to your real name now, isn't it? No way you'd be given such an easy connection to your real identity if this was your first go around. And c'mon…sneaking out in the middle of the night without waking me up? You've done this before."

"I've never slept with anyone on any of my undercover missions. The last relationship I had was in high school."

"That pathetic piece of information aside, I wasn't referring to that…"

Desperate to avoid having to answer, JD pressed on, wondering how far he was pushing his luck against a distressed man wielding a gun. "If I didn't wake you up when leaving though, then how is this even happening?"

"This is happening because I'm forty-one years old, and sometimes, I need to get up in the middle of the night to take a leak. And when I wake up to find someone I fell asleep with not there, I tend to wonder where they went. Of course, the assumption was my own destination, but when I knocked and found nothing, you start wondering things like, 'Where the hell did he go?'"

"So," JD began slowly, a little angry but knowing he really didn't have the right to be, "You went through my stuff?"

"No, you idiot. I called your cell phone. I'm assuming you're not a particularly _smooth_ assassin, since you left it in your sock drawer, of all places. I followed the ring and found your phone. Of course, in the process, I found that."

JD turned around to where Dr. Cox gruffly nodded, indicating the strewn papers from the brunet's assignment on the floor. "And the gun?"

For the first time since their conversation, Cox's face lost its anger long enough to look genuinely surprised. "'The gun?' It's _your_ gun, moron. Where do you think I got it from?"

If the situation at hand wasn't such a severe one, JD would've laughed. Amidst all the chaos that had awaited him upon returning home, the assassin had failed to examine the gun or even question, up until that point, where it was Perry had gotten it from. Of _course_ it was his gun.

"You haven't answered my question."

"What que - ?"

"Stop. You know damn well what question. I played along and answered some of yours, so don't you even _think_ about throwing more out there again. How many? How many of these missions have you gone on before?"

JD closed his eyes. He hated this. Oh, how he hated this. Quietly, he answered. "Ninety-nine."

"…Ninety-nine?"

Stomach turning, JD could only nod his head yes, face burning red with disgrace.

"And those missions…you were successful in all of them…?"

Sinking further into the chair and wishing more than anything that the ground would swallow him whole, JD merely nodded.

It was a moment before Dr. Cox spoke, but when he did, it was most definitely not the response the brunet had been expecting. "Newbie."

Shocked, JD opened his eyes. The gaze that met him back was a sincere one. Blue orbs looked directly into his own, some of their earlier anger lost, but the desire for answers was still definitely present. Yet his eyes held something else now, too. Something genuine that JD didn't quite know how to place.

"When I asked you if you were a doctor before, it took you a second to answer. Why? Were you thinking of lying?"

Rapidly, JD shook his head no.

"So then…?"

"'Cause I…I really wanted to be… A doctor, I mean."

"So why didn't you? Why choose assassinating over doctoring?"

And suddenly, JD knew. Even if it killed him inside, he was going to do it. Even if Perry didn't believe him, he was still going to try. "It's not…it's not a simple answer," he managed.

"Well then what do you want to do?"

It was another long moment before JD responded, but when he did, the hesitation from only a moment ago was gone. "Just like I said a week ago," he answered softly. "I want to tell you everything."

--

Most kids his age loved gym class. Eighteen year old John Doris hated it.

Waiting awkwardly with the rest of his peers, the senior year student squirmed, hoping that whatever sport their teacher assigned to them wouldn't be one that required him to be in a position where he'd be relied upon. He knew he was bad at activities that required a great amount of physical skill. He didn't need to be reminded of just how bad he was by being humiliated in front of the class or by having the jocks pound on him later for having missed the ball.

So when their teacher came up to them, clip board in hand, it was hard not to feel nauseous.

"Since you're seniors this year," their balding coach started up, "you'll be given a choice as to what sport you'll be taking part in."

The brunet's eyes widened, clearly not having expected that announcement. Of course, he couldn't get _too_ excited. Choices were great, but not if they were all similar in terms of him getting wailed on afterwards for playing badly. Basketball, baseball, football – they all led to the same outcome…

"I'm going to pass around the list of options. Sign your name next to the one you want to participate in. I'll collect the list afterwards then tell you where to go from there."

John waited anxiously for the list to make its way over to where he sat, both nervous and excited when he finally did get his hands on the item in question. Chewing at the bottom of his lip, the student skimmed through the various choices.

Ugh… Basketball, baseball, football, hockey, weight lifting… Actually, weight lifting wouldn't be _too_ bad. It wouldn't hurt to gain a little muscle, right? Of course, he'd be surrounded by guys who already had their fair share of muscles; guys who would undoubtedly taunt him for having to start with weights much lighter than the ones they were sure to start out with. Okay, moving on…

Tennis, volley ball, karate… Hmm…karate, huh? That might work. Even if some of the more built kids decided to join, none of them, unless they had taken it privately, would know what they were doing without an instructor. Not to mention it was more of an individual effort than a team effort. If he kicked incorrectly, it would fall on him and him alone. There'd be no teammate to get mad at him afterwards if he failed.

Unclipping the pen from the top of the board, John quickly signed his name next to the very last option on the list, both nervous and eager to begin.

--

Only a few weeks into the course and karate was already becoming one of John's favorite classes. While it was true it required a certain amount of physical strength, John was quickly learning that it asked for much more than brute force. It required vitality, determination, patience, listening; all of which John had. It was also the kind of sport that deluded you from realizing how strong you were actually getting in the process. You were focused more on the _procedure_ of landing a good punch to the given target, rather than the amount of strength it would take. And when all was said and done, their instructor would lead them in a round of meditation; deep breathing that left John feeling clean and refreshed. It was the first sport he ever found himself not only capable of, but exceeding in.

--

Months later and John was at home. It was a Saturday night, and while most of his peers were out partying, he had much more important things to do. Graduation was around the corner. He was happy, of course, but very busy. It was time to start looking for colleges; schools that had what he wanted while still being affordable.

A bit of a challenge, considering his major…

"Johnny?"

The brunet tried not to wince at the voice behind his door. He honestly couldn't stand that nickname, but didn't have the heart to tell his mom otherwise. Not when she relied on him so much; not when she was always so depressed.

"Come in, Mom."

Quietly, Barbara opened the door, smiling weakly at her son who sat with crossed legs on the bed. "Hi, Sweetie. Um…I'm going out with Bill tonight, but dinners in the fridge, okay?"

"Bill…he's the one with the blonde hair, right?" It had been a genuine question. His mom had so many "potential husbands" that it was hard to keep track, but the minute it left his mouth, he regretted it. He saw her wince as she nodded, his heart sinking in both shame and anger. Shame by his foolish blunder, and anger that he was made to feel guilt stricken in the first place. It wasn't his fault she went through so many guys so quickly to the point where it was hard to remember who was who. He wanted her to be happy, he did, but half of the creeps that she associated with… John closed his eyes for a fraction of a moment, inhaling the way he'd been taught to in his martial arts class. "I hope you have fun tonight," he spoke softly, giving her his best smile. "Is Dan around?"

The older woman shook her head. "No. He's out with that girl he's been talking about lately. Why?"

"I've been looking at colleges, and was going to ask his opinion on which one would be the best route financially." He'd been getting ready to add, "Though I'm not surprised he's not around," but held his tongue, not wanting to make two slip ups in one evening. Besides, he was used to doing this kind of thing alone. A second opinion would have been helpful, but it wasn't really that big of a deal…

"'Colleges?' Honey…didn't we talk about this? I thought you were going to wait a bit before going; get some money under your belt."

John held back a sigh as he went to respond, silently cursing himself for bringing up school to begin with. The last thing he wanted to do was get into it with her tonight. "I-I know, but I'm applying for financial aid and a load of scholarships. I have straight A's and did well on the SATS, so I think I might get a few offers, you know?"

"You took the SATS? Don't those cost money?"

John nodded wearily. "Yeah, but I saved up in order to take them. I told you that, remember? You seemed proud of me…"

"Oh, well…I am. Sweetie, I am, alright? Honest. I'm just…worried. Have you…have you decided what you're majoring in…?"

Oh God, no. "Um…yeah. I think I'm more interested in medicine than in surgery, so –"

John was cut off by a sharp slam of the door, followed quickly by his mother's foot stomping angrily into the floor boards. "No! John, this is getting ridiculous! Now I've told you for years that this just _can't happen_, okay!? I'm not belittling you or questioning your abilities! It's just –"

"It's just what?" he interrupted in a rare moment of disobedience. "I've been working really hard! Hard in school for grades good enough to get in, hard at work for enough money to be able to go. You won't have to pay a dime, Mom, I swear! I've been working this hard not just for me, but for you too! So you won't have to do anything! Mom, _please!_ This is all I've ever wanted. I've come so far. Can't you just –"

"But you don't _have_ to be a doctor! There are other professions just like it! What about nursing? What about being a pharmacist?"

"I don't want to just hand out pills! I want to be able to prescribe them; to know what they do and how they affect the patient. I want to be able to help!"

"Your aunt was a pharmacist. Are you saying her job was meaningless?"

"No! God, Mom, that's not what I meant!"

"Okay, fine! What about nursing?"

"Nursing's great, but they're not allowed to do all the stuff doctors do. They're only taught a certain amount of –"

"Oh, please. You're just sexist, aren't you? Just like your father!"

John stopped. It felt like someone just punched him in the stomach; a feeling he was all too familiar with. His father? Sexist? _Him!?_ Quite frankly, he didn't know if his mother's claim in terms of his dad were true, but to call her son a sexist simply because he wanted to be a doctor? Because she was mad at his dad for something he knew nothing about? Because she didn't want to spend her money on anything other than booze and cheap dates?

He tried not to well up while his mother's expression filled with obvious regret; her eyes clearly startled by her own words. "Johnny, I…I didn't mean that. Sweetie…sweetie, please. It just slipped. I know you're not sexist, okay? Honestly, honey, it just –"

"Have fun with Bill tonight. Leave a note for Dan to lock the door when he comes home though, if you can. He usually forgets, and I'll probably be sleeping by the time he gets back…"

Getting the hint, Barbara merely nodded. It wasn't until John heard the apartment door close did he fall back onto his mattress, letting his tears overtake him completely.

--

"I'm so proud of you."

John smiled as his mom leaned in for a hug, her arms gripping him tightly through the black robe that was his graduation gown. When she pulled back, her eyes were misted, causing the younger of the Doris brothers to smile. "Thanks, Mom."

She nodded, turning away for just a moment to call over her eldest. "Dan! Come over here for a minute! I want to take a picture of you and your brother!"

John watched Dan kiss his girlfriend – the same one he'd been seeing for weeks now – before gallivanting over towards where they stood. "Hey, little brother!" he greeted cheerfully. "You know you look like a dork in those robes, right?"

"Come on! You had to wear them too."

"Yeah, but I made them look cool. …Johnny?"

"What's up?"

"I'm proud of you."

For some reason, Dan's validation hit John more than his mother's earlier congratulations. He knew his mom was proud of him already. Supportive, not so much, but proud? Yeah, that he knew. But Dan…he'd never really been able to tell. He spent most of his time out of the house or making him feel, well…not so confidant in himself… But the look in his older brother's eyes was genuine; a rare moment of sincerity that left the younger of the two swelling up with pride. "Thanks, Dan."

Dan grinned before pulling his brother into his side, winking at the camera as it flashed in their smiling faces.

--

It was late at night when it happened.

Weeks after graduation and John lay on his mattress, eyes towards the ceiling; too nervous to fall asleep. Every one of the colleges he had applied to had accepted him, but the money… Wearily, the brunet scrubbed his hands over his face. He'd gotten a few good scholarships, yeah, but the loans were going to leave him in mounds of debt; mounds of debt that his mom would see and completely freak out over, even if she didn't have to pay. John had been confident, however, that she wouldn't have to help; that he'd earned enough to pay it all, but now…? He really wasn't sure. How was he going to afford this? What was he going to do? Maybe his mom was right. Maybe nursing _would_ be the better way to go. He'd still be able to help people. He just wouldn't be able to help them as much as he wanted to… But maybe he'd befriend a doctor who would teach him the stuff the program wouldn't…? No, not likely. Even if that did happen, he would still, under law, not be permitted to perform those procedures.

God, what was he going to _do?_

A frantic series of knocks had the brunet jumping up and out of his mattress, heart racing wildly. Alarmed, John turned towards the clock. 2:00am. Who the hell was knocking on his bedroom door at 2:00am?

Nervously, and with his back foot in a fighter's stance, he opened the door, surprised to see Dan standing in its frame; his entire body shaking.

"Dan? What happened? What - ?"

"S-She lied to me. She lied to me, Johnny!"

"Who lied? Mom? Dan, she was probably drunk. I wouldn't –"

"No!" The older brother charged into the room, panic stricken. Frantically, he began pacing; his arms hugging himself tightly as his eyes screamed in silent horror.

John swallowed. He'd _never_ seen his brother look that upset. "Dan…what happened? I want to help, I do, but you have to tell me."

Still pacing, the older brother responded in a rush of words; voice hysterical as his hands flew around wildly. "She lied to me!"

"Who?"

"Leslie!"

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yes, yes! S-She lied to me! She…she wasn't… Oh, God, Johnny – she wasn't _legal!_"

John froze, his face adapting the look of horror his older brother had been wearing upon his late night arrival. "_What_ did you just say…?"

"She wasn't legal! Shit, shit, _shit!_ Little brother, _please!_ You _have_ to believe me! I swear I didn't know! When I first met her we were at the bar. She was drinking, you know? So I assumed she was twenty-one. How the hell could she be drinking if she wasn't twenty-one!? So one thing led to another and we started dating, but even then, we didn't have sex until a month or something in. But Johnny, I swear! I swear it was consensual! But then tonight when I went to her place she was shaking and crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said that I had to leave – that I had to leave for my _safety._ She told me her real age – seventeen, Johnny, seventeen! – and that her older brother knew what we did. Oh God, _please!_ I'm so scared!"

John stared at his brother – the pinnacle of cool – as he shook and paced before him. Dan was a lot of things, some of them not so great, but what he was being accused of? No. John knew – by the look in his sibling's eyes, if not by anything else – that Dan would _never_ have done what he did had he known the truth. "Okay," he exhaled finally, trying to stay calm for the both of them. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to call the cops. We're going to tell them everything you just told me, and then we're going to give a description of this guy so they'll know."

"I can't!"

"Dan, you don't have a choice! I know you're scared, but if you tell them what you just told me, you have a _really_ good chance of coming out of this thing alright! You're right about Leslie drinking – no way the bartender didn't ask her for an ID. She probably has a fake one, so when the cops see that, they won't punish you, okay? And the fact that you're confessing to begin with –"

"No, Johnny, it's not that. I'll tell them what happened in a heart beat, I will, but I can't give the cops a description of her brother."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know what he looks like!"

John stared at him, bewildered. "You don't know what he looks like? You've gone over her house every day for the past two months and you've never seen her brother?"

"That's just it! He's never there! I didn't even know she _had_ a brother until two weeks ago! Fuck, Johnny, I don't know if this guy's four or six feet tall! I don't know if he's blonde or bald! I don't know anything _about_ him!"

"Okay. Okay, okay, okay. We'll tell that to the cops too then, alright? We'll tell them that –"

"You're not listening to me! I don't know what he looks like, but he knows what _I _look like."

"What? How is that even possible?"

"Because he's already after me, little brother. I…I know he is."

"But you just said this all happened tonight. How can he already be –?"

"He is! When she told me to go home, I got into my car, but the tires… Oh, God, the tires were slashed! I tried not to freak out, so I just started walking towards home, you know? Real casual. But I felt him, Johnny, I felt him there. My skin startled prickling and everything. I could feel him watching and I just…I flipped! I ran all the way home. I didn't even look back!"

It was a moment before the true meaning behind Dan's words really sunk in; something that, knowing his older brother, the elder Doris had not previously considered. "Dan…" John started slowly. "Did you…did you lock the door when you came in tonight…?"

And suddenly, it dawned on him. Dan's face blanched in total devastation, his mouth opening to form a proper response, but the door to the younger sibling's room burst open with a crash. John was quickly tossed – _literally tossed_ – to the other side of the room, as a blur of ember moved past him.

Somewhere in the back of his throbbing head, John wondered where in God's name his mother was, until he remembered she was out with Bill again. Or maybe it was Roger. He couldn't remember. He could never remember.

_"JOHNNY!"_

The sound of his name being shouted in complete and total horror awoke him from his too-stunned-to-feel-pain like state. What awaited him upon his return to reality was a pounding headache and the sound of shattering bones. That last one wasn't him though, was it?

_"LITTLE BROTHER!"_

Fear coursed through his veins as he watched the man in black repeatedly kick his older brother's side, Dan's desperate cries to both him and his attacker. "I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW! I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW!"

And all at once, it hit him – _really_ hit him – what would happen if he did not get up; if he did not remove himself from his defensive position on the floor of what was supposed to be his safe haven.

Dan would die.

Adrenaline coursing through his veins, John sprang from his place in the corner, ignoring the stabs of pain through out his limbs as he all but pounced on the attacker's back, clawing at the man's face with strangled cries.

The man in question let out a noise of obvious surprise, but merely threw the young boy off. He spared him a look of disgust before turning back to his sibling, kicking where he'd been for the last few seconds. Or minutes. John didn't know. But what he _did _know was that his brother's pleas were coming far less frequently…

The brunet ignored the tears in his eyes, summoning lessons not yet forgotten. _This guy's bigger; built. This guy's maniacal. I can't rely on brute strength, I just can't. I can rely on maneuvers and methods. I can rely on kicks made to bring anybody down…_

John pushed himself up off the floor, running over to his brother's attacker yet again. Only this time, he did not pounce on the deviant's back. This time, he crouched down upon getting closer, thankful that one of the man's legs was currently raised, getting ready to kick and leaving him unbalanced. This time, at the very last second, John threw out a leg of his own, sweeping it with a strength he did not know he possessed against the intruder's unbalanced limb, sending the attacker to the floor with a crash.

"Little fucking _prick!_"

John scrambled over to his brother, ignoring the invader's cry. With shaking hands, he reached out for his sibling, wanting more than anything to feel for a pulse, but a sudden grip around his collar prevented him from doing so. The hand that held him in the air swung him violently against the wall opposite of the room. John cried in pain, tears streaming down his face, as his back hit the wall with an earth shattering crash. The earlier toss was nothing in comparison to this.

By the time his vision cleared, the attacker was already making his way over to him, eyes aflame with hatred. The man's fist drew back, ready to stick a landing into the teenager's face, until a _new_ voice infiltrated the room. It was calm – cool, even – yet it was absolutely and undeniably _filled_ with rage. "I _demand_ to know what is going on here."

Through the haze of blinding pain, John was surprised to see the invader's face morph into that of total fear. Who was so frightening that would leave someone like their attacker looking so mortified? "S-Sir. I…what are you doing here?"

John turned his head as best he could. In the doorway, a man stood watching, blue eyes sharp and menacing as he stared at the brothers' attacker. Another man was there too; hazel eyes looking on at the scene as a whole, rather than just the person who had broken into their apartment.

"You!" the intruder shouted, having noticed the hazel eyed man John had noticed just seconds ago. "I trusted you! You were supposed to cover for me!"

"There are no friendships in the Organization," he responded casually. "You know that. Our allegiance lies with the Superior; to our missions. Don't blame me for your own idiocy."

"That's enough, Sean," the Superior cut in. "I want to know right now," he started up again, turning back to their attacker, "What it is you're doing here. I know nothing of these two boys, which means they were not a mission assigned to you or to anybody else. Whatever it is they've done to acquire your wrath is in no way related to the Organization."

"Agreed! So then why can't I finish them off? They deserve to die, anyway, don't you see? They're what we hate, Sir. They're _evil._"

From his strewn position on the floor, John swallowed a mouth full of nausea. He'd been called a lot of things in his life, but _evil?_ Never.

"They may not be associated with the Organization, but _you_ are. You are responsible for your actions here today. You have used your training to fulfill a personal vendetta. These are mere boys; not killers. You, on the other hand, are."

"Fine! These kids may not be murderers, but us? We're _all_ killers! That's what the Organization is! And just because these pathetic punks haven't killed anyone doesn't make them _good. _Do you know what that miserable excuse for a human being over there _did?_"

"He fucked your sister," Sean cut in.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"You told me that's what he did, did you not? I believe you also once told me your sister, through various means that we won't get into here tonight, acquired herself a fake ID. Is it not possible that –"

"My sister would never - !"

"Your sister's a whore."

"YOU LITTLE –!"

"Sean, that is quite enough now, thank you," the Superior intervened, voice still collected. "Tell me something though," he pressed on. "Let's say, for the sake of an argument, that the boy did indeed have sex with your sister. May you do me a favor and explain to me what it is that _that_ boy did?"

And suddenly, all eyes were on him. The brunet averted his gaze, not being able to stomach their stone like stares as they took in the image of his worn and beaten body.

"Well?" the Superior coerced.

The attacker in question swallowed, his anxiety over his boss's appearance returning all at once. "I…he came after me."

Much to John's surprise, the Superior seemed vaguely shocked by this response. The other man, Sean, seemed a little startled too. "He came after you…"

"You see these marks on my face? That was the damn kid! And the only reason I went after him again was because he fucking drop kicked me to the floor!"

John, who had been nervously peering over to the two men in his door way, was quick to avert his eyes, yet again, when both of said men gave him curious looks. Quicker than the one named Sean, the Superior shook the news off, turning back to the invader with that same, cold hearted stare. "So besides defending himself and who I am assuming is his brother, can you tell me what crime he has committed here tonight? What crime he has _ever_ committed?"

It was a very long moment before their attacker finally answered, but when he did, his voice was shaking; as if he knew full well what was going to happen once he did. "No, Sir, I cannot."

"Then I hereby claim you a killer, as you have so obviously tried to accomplish here tonight. You are a menace to society, and by associating your actions with the Organization, you have tarnished our good name, hereby giving us permission to do what it is we do with murderers such as yourself."

The cry lasted for a mere second, having been cut off by the multiple gun shots – Sean's gun shots – as they rang through out the small space that was John Doris' room. The young teen shrank in on himself, unable to contain his sobs, as the body hit the floor with a sickening thud.

John winced as a set of footsteps approached him. Oh, God. This was it, wasn't it? He was going to die. He was going to be shot. Selfishly, and hating himself for it, he hoped to be shot before his brother. He hoped he would not have to witness his sibling's death. That is, if he wasn't dead already…

"What is your name?"

Shaking, John opened his eyes, hoping his sharp intake of breath wasn't noticeable as he took in the icy blue eyes that stared down at his quivering form. "J-John D-Doris."

"It is unfortunate that you and your brother were injured tonight, and more unfortunate that you were here to witness this exchange take place. As much as it pains me to say so, we are required to assassinate both you and your sibling, as you have both seen far too much."

John closed his eyes, tears upon tears streaming down his face, as he remained as still and quiet as possible, hoping the cynical man above him would just get it over and done with.

"However," the Superior continued, "I am amazed to have heard what it is you managed to accomplish here this evening. You have marked, and apparently taken down, one of my most accomplished assassins. How old are you, if I may ask?"

If John wasn't so terrified, he would have scoffed. "'Ask?'" He wasn't asking. He was demanding. "E-Eighteen."

"You're young. Vitality in strength and spirit is more than appreciated in our Organization. You are skilled, which you've made very apparent, yet you are still weak. We can fix that, though. John Doris, is it?"

The brunet nodded.

"I would like to extend to you an invitation. Join our Organization; _my_ Organization. You have great potential."

John closed his eyes, an odd sort of calm taking over him for the first time in what felt like hours. If he joined, he would live. But he would live solely by taking away the lives of others; something that went against every fiber of his being. To say yes would be to forgo all of his morals; all of his standards. To say yes would not only be giving up on his dream of _saving_ lives, but it would also be agreeing to actively and willingly partake in the exact opposite of what he stood for.

And all at once, he knew. He couldn't do it. He just…he couldn't. Right now, right here, John Doris was going to die.

"I forgot to mention," the Superior added quite suddenly, "that if you _do_ accept this particular invite, my assassin Sean will not only spare your life, but the life of your brother's."

John's eyes shot open at once. His brother? "Alive…?"

The man above him frowned, as did the boy himself. God, did he sound awful. "'Alive?'"

"My brother…alive…?"

He watched as the gaze of the Superior shifted over to Sean, giving him a small nod. The assassin nodded in response, kneeling down to the older sibling's level and checking for a pulse. "Alive," he confirmed.

"Want to feel it," the brunet mumbled, shocking both himself and the man who currently felt his brother's pulse. "Want to feel it for myself…"

"Does he think that I'm lying?" Sean demanded, clearly offended.

But the Superior remained unfazed, reaching down and assisting the young teenager over to where his brother currently lay unconscious. Eagerly, John reached out, fingers shaking as they clamped around his sibling's wrist.

Relief flew through him as he felt the steady pulse of his older brother Dan. A little slow, yes, but undeniably present. "Alive…"

"Yes, Mr. Doris, alive. And he'll stay that way too. _If…_"

Not believing what he was getting ready to say, but too afraid to hesitate any longer and thereby giving himself a chance to change his mind, the young man whispered his response. "Yes…"

"I'm sorry?"

"Yes. I-I'll join your…your thing…"

"Very good. Sean, you will carry his brother. Cradle him by his legs and his shoulders, since it looks like his ribs are in need of serious repair, and I'd rather not add a punctured lung to our long list of worries. I'll carry young Doris. From here we'll –"

But he didn't hear any more than that. Over come by pain, relief in his brother's existence, and shock that his only fear in just a little less than an hour ago was money, John succumbed to unconsciousness, not wanting to know where it was he and his brother were being taken to.

--

When he next woke up, the first thing he noticed was pain. Pain in his head, pain in his back, pain in his entire body. It was like his blood was made of nothing but pain; coursing through him and filling every molecule of his being.

But that didn't stop him from sitting up and looking around, which led him to discovery number two.

Someone had placed him in a bed. A moderately comfortable one, too. Through puffy, blood shot eyes, John looked around the room in which his bed was placed. Besides an empty closest, it was blank, though it definitely held the appearance of a bedroom. It just wasn't furnished.

"You don't really need dressers."

The brunet startled, head turning sharply to the door. Instantly, he regretted it, choosing to ignore the indifferent look the Superior wore upon seeing him put his head in his hands.

"Your wardrobe will consist of black pieces only, and will fit just fine in the closet. As for pleasantries, that's really up to you. You won't be here too often once you're done with your training, as you will be sent on a number of missions, so it seems pointless to even bother purchasing something like a television. That is, however, for you to decide."

Hoping he wouldn't be punished for not dwelling too much on his new manager's words, John let his questions pour forward, too worried and too shocked to care. "Where am I? Where's Dan? How long am I going to be a part of this group? Where's Dan?"

"You're in your new room; here at the Organization. Your brother is in the room opposite of yours, and is requesting he see you. Yes, he's up. As to how long you're going to be here…that's really up to you now, isn't it?"

"Dan's up? Can I see him? What do you mean it's up to me…?"

"I am going to let slide that you are asking a multitude of questions at once and say, for now, that it is the night's events that have you behaving so rudely."

John swallowed as the Superior's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, looking down at his lap and hoping he would either go away or answer his questions.

"Your brother, as I have stated earlier, is up. Yes, you can see him. I will answer your third question by adding to your second. You can see your brother, as I have just stated, but it is a visit I would cherish, because it is the last time you are going to see him and everybody else in your life for a very long time."

"I…what…?"

"After you and your sibling converse, we will be taking him to another hospital. He is bound by both his life and your own not to tell anybody what went on here tonight."

"So if he tells, you'll –"

"Yes, Doris, we'll kill you both. Moving on: After being transported to the hospital, he will call your guardian and provide her with an excuse as to why you are, and will be for quite some time, absent from their life. If you cannot think of one yourself, we are very prepared to give him one. We are quite good at coming up with convincing alibis here at the Organization."

John swallowed. Hard. His father, his mother, Dan… He would have to leave them? Leave all of them? Looking away and hoping that the Superior would not notice his eyes misting over, the teenager merely nodded. "I can think of one… But, I…just one more question, please?"

A nod.

"You said how long I remain here is up to me. What…what did you mean by that?"

"Sir."

"Huh?"

"What did you mean by that…"

Getting the hint, John swallowed another mouth full of disgust before answering. "What did you mean by that…Sir?"

"What I meant, young Doris, was that each assassin here has a goal to reach. It is equal for all, and what I consider a very fair amount of times to ask of someone's service to the Organization. It will depend on how fast you complete your missions – one hundred, to be exact – that will, if you choose to do so when the time comes, allow you to depart from us."

John nodded, choosing to ignore the number that made his stomach roll over in complete and total revulsion. He wanted to get out as soon as possible, but it didn't appear that would be happening any time soon… "Dan," he finally responded. "Can I go see him now?"

The Superior stepped aside of the doorway, indifferent, as John removed himself from the bed, trying but failing at not wincing from the pain, as he made his way over towards his brother's room.

--

"Hey, little brother…"

The blue in Dan's eyes were surrounded with mist, much like his own. The spark that laced his usual greeting was completely and utterly gone, yet with what John could only describe as raw determination and a desire for normalcy, the corners of his sibling's mouth were twisted up into the tiniest of grins.

"Hi, Dan."

It was a long moment before either of them spoke after that, but when the silence was finally broken, it was the elder Doris who did it. "I'm so sorry…"

"Dan –"

"No, Johnny, please. If…If I had known. If I had known _anything_: her age, her brother, _anything._ God, I wouldn't have touched her with a ten foot pole!"

"I know. I know that, I do. And you…you can't blame yourself for this, okay? You didn't know. I know you didn't. No one would have known! Even Sean said she was a whore."

"'Sean?'"

"One of the, um…one of the assassins."

"Of course…"

Another moment of silence stretched by, John looking at his feet and shifting about awkwardly. He wanted to run over to his brother and give him a hug. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him; how much he would miss him and how he was to never, _never_ blame what happened here tonight on himself. But he knew if he opened his mouth, he would lose it. He would break down and cry, and it wasn't the last image he wanted Dan to see of him. He wanted him to remember the goofy awkward kid, even if it was the one he always picked on. He wanted him to remember that person and that person alone.

"Johnny…?"

The younger sibling nodded, but didn't look up.

"Little brother…I-I'm not going to see you for a long time after this, am I?"

Wildly, the brunet shook his head no, still refusing to make eye contact.

"Then I…then I'm going to tell you something, okay? I'm going to tell you something I should've told you a lot more growing up, especially when dad left, but Johnny? I…I love you. I love you a lot."

And that's when he lost it.

Forgetting that his brother was in pain, John ran over to the head of his cot, burying his face into his sibling's shoulders while his arms clamped tightly around his middle. Over and over he sobbed out his name, crying harder when he realized that Dan had forgone his physical ailments long enough to raise his arms and embrace him back. Never in his eighteen years of existence could he remember such intimacy between him and his older sibling, yet here they were now. Through pain and through desperation, they clung to one another like a life line, Dan's own sobs following shortly after his brother's. "I'm so sorry," he repeated.

"No, Dan. It's not your fault. It's not your fault."

"I should be in your position. I should be paying."

"No. It has to be me, it has to. Mom relies on you more, I think. And your friends…they'd miss you so much."

"But _I'm_ going to miss you! Mom and Dad and –"

"I'm going to miss you guys too," he sobbed back, "But friends? I don't have those, Dan. You do, and they need you. It has to be me. It just…it has to be me."

"But it shouldn't! It shouldn't be –"

"But it has to."

Finally, and with a great amount of effort on both of their parts, the brothers pulled away. They stared at each other, eyes red and puffy, before picking up where they left off. "What do you want me to tell mom?"

"Tell her I took her advice. Tell her I took the money I saved up and decided to go on a road trip instead of going to college. I think…I think I'm going to be sent to a lot of different places, so it won't be a hard lie to live up to. I can pick up a post card each place I go; send it to her, and that way…that way you can know I'm okay too."

Dan nodded, swallowing hard as he did his best to prevent any more tears from coming through. "God, Johnny…"

"I know. And…and Dan?"

"Little brother…?"

"I love you too."

Before he could break down completely, before he managed to only prolong their departure, John turned on his heel and left. It wasn't until he reached his new room did he let the tears overtake him yet again, the reality of the situation hitting him all at once. He wouldn't see his father, his mother, his brother – he wouldn't see any of them until he killed one hundred people.

He had to kill_ one hundred people._

Panic stricken, John sank to the floor. He was going to be there for a very long time…

--

"I swear I didn't know!" Even through the crying, JD couldn't help but reflect on the irony that was his brother's words from so long ago as they came spilling out of his mouth and reaching the ears of one Perry Cox. "I didn't know how many people they'd want me to kill! I just wanted my brother to live!"

JD's hands covered his expression in both embarrassment and shame. His body had begun shaking about midway through, and when it came time to tell Dr. Cox about the attack…when he talked about his last goodbye with his brother… He'd closed his eyes completely, not wanting to risk looking at Perry's expression as he spoke aloud, for the first time in his life, about what had happened to him eight years ago. And now here he was; spilling his story to the man he'd come to care for more than he ever thought possible; more than he had ever cared for anyone! And now, this same man was going to reject him. Disgusted by his behavior, by how easily he caved into their demands, that same man was going to kick him out of his life.

But when JD leaned further out of the chair, his sobs having over taken him completely, two arms reached forward before he could even notice his stumble. And as JD continued to cry – loud and hard and full with emotion the assassin thought he had dealt with years ago – the arms that caught his fall kept their place around his shaking form, their owner quiet but the occasional, "It's okay, JD, it's okay," as they drew smooth, soft circles onto his back.

He had know idea how long they laid like that; legs intertwined with their arms snaked around each other. JD kept on waiting for Dr. Cox to throw him off; to growl angrily before getting his stuff and storming out of the apartment all together. But Perry never moved. In fact, it wasn't until JD's tears died down completely did he even begin to speak. "Why didn't you stop me?"

Face still buried in the older man's shoulder, JD frowned. "Why didn't…why didn't I stop you?"

"When you walked in tonight; when you saw me pointing that gun at you. Why didn't you stop me? I'm assuming you were taught how to get out of situations like that."

"Yeah, but…but I didn't want to."

"But you're supposed to."

"Yes."

"So why didn't you?"

It was a long moment before JD answered, but when he did, it came out in a mere whisper, voice laced with hesitance as he confessed to Dr. Cox the one truth he had yet to confess to him that evening. "Because I didn't want to hurt you more than I already have. Because I…because I love you."

The arms that he could have sworn were going to push him off only gripped him tighter. "Yeah, Newbie. Same here."

JD let the words wash over him, not quite believing what was taking place. "But I lied to you; a really _big_ lie. How can…how can you even trust me right now? How can you even touch me? I'm the symbol of everything you hate."

And for the first time since the middle of JD's recollection, the brunet met the eyes of Dr. Cox, his hand having reached down to turn his face upwards. They stared at each other for what felt like hours before the older man finally responded. "Newbie…I'm an emotionally crippled narcissist who fights death on a daily basis, because one – I have a giant ego, as established, and kicking death's ass makes me feel _really_ good. And two – I actually give a rat's ass about what happens to those people. Yes, even those morons who cause their own dilemma. I want to see them get better. Which, you know, could very well be because once _they_ get better, people who actually _didn't_ ask for their illness can get a bed and get some help. Now what does any of this have to do with you? Well here it goes: You've not only looked death in the face ninety-nine times, but you caused it. No. Don't turn away, Newbie, listen. I said you caused it in that you pulled the trigger, but it's your boss that I hate, JD, not you. Nor did I ever say you liked it. And that's what amazes me, _genuinely_ amazes me. Despite the hell storm that life managed to throw you in, you still care _so much_ about people. Not just your patients, but people in general. You're coming out of a life that would have left most people viewing the world through a haze of black and white, and somehow, miraculously, you still give a damn. I hate what happened to you, kid. Honest to God, I do, yet the fact that you care so damn much after all of that? It…it really makes me love you. More than I already did."

JD, for the first time all night, felt his eyes well up with an emotion other than misery. "Perry…"

"We'll talk more tomorrow, okay? Sleep first; for both of us."

JD nodded as the two of them got up from the floor; limbs stiff and aching. When Dr. Cox reached for the long forgotten gun, the brunet immediately winced. "Be careful," he blurted, voice still scratchy from the night's events. "If you don't know how to handle those things, you can accidentally set it off."

He was surprised, to say the least, when Perry's response was a small yet noticeable grin. "Please, Newbie," he answered wearily. "It wasn't even loaded."

_**A/N: **__I know that was a long read. I've had JD's past planned from the beginning, but I didn't know until I started writing the chapter how long it would be, and I really didn't want to split it up into two parts, so thanks for hanging in there. Anyway, that's about it from me. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Until next time!_


	12. Chapter 11

_**A/N: **__Okay, first and foremost, thank you guys so much for all of the supportive feedback. I appreciate it sincerely, I really do. That being said – and because I really can't think of anything else to say for this sucker – I hope you enjoy the next chapter._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 11:**

"_One day, we'll turn on the TV and we won't see nothing about war. And when that morning comes, I'll make coffee and you'll read the paper. We'll talk about our plans and I'll keep saying how lucky we are."_

_-How Lucky We Are, by Meiko-_

When JD awoke, it was to an empty bed.

Despite the pain that accompanied opening up to Perry about his past, the night's events had left him feeling refreshed; new, even. And, oddly enough, the brunet had slept peacefully through out the night because of it. Of course, he had expected to wake up against the sleeping form of Dr. Cox; the very same man who was responsible for his serene slumber to begin with.

So when he didn't, well…

JD stared at the vacant spot next to him, trying not to burst. Maybe it was Dr. Cox's way of really sticking it to him. The assassin had lied, after all. Maybe Perry's confession last night had been nothing more than a set up; deluding him into a false sense of security before hitting where it hurt the most.

Sluggishly, JD removed himself from the bed, dragging his feet to the kitchen in order to grab a cup of coffee.

But a cup was already there waiting for him.

Doe blue orbs stared wide eyed at his mug of morning comfort, steam rising from its contents; its shade showing him that Perry put in just the right amount of both milk and sugar.

"Newbie…?"

JD startled, gaze darting up to Dr. Cox as he stood over the stove, eyes furrowed as he took in the young intern before him. "I…sorry."

It took him a moment to understand what had been going through JD's head, and when he did, the assassin instantly regretted his doubt. "Do you honestly think I would just sprint out of here after last night?"

"I know, I…it was stupid. I'm sorry. I know between the two of us, you're not exactly the one who would realistically call for some doubt from the other."

Perry's frown deepened, but he said no more on the subject. Turning back to the batter, he went about quietly pouring its contents on the frying pan, JD watching as they formed perfect circles above the tiny, electric powered rings.

"I know you said you do it because you have to, but I really love watching you cook."

"I don't like to though."

JD grinned. "I know." _Uh-huh._

"Want anything in them?"

Well that was new. Dr. Cox made pancakes a number of times before, and never once had he asked him if he had a particular ingredient in mind. The gesture may have seemed insignificant to some, but coming from Perry, the question was, well…sweet.

"I think you have some blueberries in that fridge of yours. Bananas maybe."

JD smiled. "No, Perry, it's okay. Do you want my help with something…?"

"No, J – Nope. Just go take a seat on the couch. They'll be done soon enough."

The brunet did, but not before giving his attending's back an odd look. What just happened? It sounded like Dr. Cox had been getting ready to call him by his name and cut himself off. So okay…he usually stuck to whatever girl's name he could think of along with "Newbie," but it wasn't like he never called him by his first name before. Why stop himself from doing so now?

Skimming the news but not really paying attention, JD was happy when the familiar sound of Perry's sharp whistle hit his eardrums, indicating that breakfast was ready.

While the pancakes were fantastic and the coffee made just right, JD couldn't help but focus on the obvious tension that lingered in the room. The pair was usually quiet when they ate, mouths busy with what was in front of them already, but this morning felt different. Besides the obvious answer, which was last night's events, something else added to the tension as well. An unspoken query that was obviously brewing inside Dr. Cox's head.

"So, did you…did you finish your assignment last night…?"

JD, whose mouth had been full of mashed pancake, looked up at him, obviously surprised. "Swoary?

"Swallow, Newbie."

The intern obeyed promptly, though his eyes never left Dr. Cox. "What did you just ask me?"

Perry played with his fork, his fidgeting hands not a part of his usual mannerisms, as he tried asking his most recent question yet again. "Your assignment. Did you finish it last night? I mean, when you snuck out… Is that what you were doing?"

It took the brunet a moment to realize what it was Perry meant, but when he did, his eyes couldn't help but widen. "You mean, like…did I kill somebody last night…?"

Perry nodded, but didn't look up. JD was more than grateful that the older man accepted him and his multitude of flaws; that he loved him despite of it. But he knew it wasn't fair to expect the curly haired doctor not to feel any amount of anxiety when talking about taking the lives of others. Even if he wasn't already a good doctor _and_ a good person, it wasn't exactly a normal conversation for most people to be chatting about around the kitchen table.

"No," JD finally answered. "I was doing some investigating. I…I don't know who it is I'm supposed to be, um…who I'm supposed to be killing yet."

Curiosity peeked, Perry looked up. "Do you always not know?"

"No. Usually, I'm told right off the bat. This is my last one though, so maybe that's why he's not telling me…" JD trailed off when he noticed a light in Perry's eyes burst to life, the corners of his mouth turning up into the tiniest of grins. "What…?"

"This is your last assignment?"

The trace of happiness in the Irishman's latest query couldn't help but make JD smile. "Yup. And then, well…then I'm free."

JD tried not to laugh when the older man's reaction was to pile four more pancakes onto the brunet's almost empty plate. The mood in the room was significantly less tense, and Perry's questions over the situation at hand were coming out much easier, his eyes never looking away from JD's in discomfort. "Alright, so you said something earlier about investigating. I guess you already have an idea as to who it is you're after?"

Extremely grateful that the target in question wasn't someone Dr. Cox was a fan of, JD answered quickly. "This probably won't come to you as a big surprise, but I'm thinking its Dr. Kelso."

The assassin didn't know how to react when Perry stopped mid bite, eyes expanding as he took in what it was he just heard. "Bobbo…?"

"I…yeah. Yeah, Bob."

"I'm assuming you have a reason for thinking that. You know, besides him being a total jackass."

"Of course! Well, first of all, his whole, 'friendly old man' persona is a _huge_ façade."

"I got that, Newbie… Anything else?"

JD had been getting ready to continue on in his explanation, until his eyes met the ones that stared back at him. Dr. Cox sat in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, as he stared at the assassin inquisitively, eyebrows furrowed in obvious contemplation. And just like that, the young man knew. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"It's not that I don't believe you, kid. Kelso _is_ a tool, but… Okay, if I heard everything correctly last night, it's fair to assume that your Organization only kills the people who 'deserve' it, correct?"

"Yeah."

"So I'm just trying to imagine what Bob could have done to deserve a death warrant. I mean, don't get me wrong. He deserves a lot of horrible things: A punch in the face, a kick down the stairs, to be locked in a room with a hungry Jordan for twenty-four hours. But a death sentence?"

"Wait a minute, there's more! Remember my second day here? When you knew I was hiding in Kelso's office?"

"Figured that connection out last night. Continue."

"Okay, well, I was doing some investigating since he set off my alarm bell. So once I made my way into his office, I unlocked his file cabinet, and you're not going to believe what I found in the first drawer."

"They wouldn't have been folders containing coma patients who have been in the hospital for at least three years now, would they?"

JD gawked at him, clearly not having expected him to honestly know. "I… What? How did you know that!?"

"Because nothing's unusual about that, Newbie. You're not going to like hearing this, but doctors who have been here as long as I have or as long as Kelso have, have a name for patients like those: Potatoes. We keep their files for as long as they stay with us, but the ones who we can't help…their files get stored away. Now don't get me wrong: if their condition changed, we'd be there in a heartbeat, but until then? There's really nothing we can do."

JD swallowed. Okay, no need to feel lost quite yet. There was still his second discovery. "Okay, so maybe that makes sense, but in the second drawer –"

"Board members who left money towards the hospital in their will?"

"How - !?"

"I was married to the daughter of one of those board members, remember? Jordan was at the reading of her father's will. She knows damn well some of his money went to the hospital. It's not a secret."

"But the rest of them –"

"Yeah, Newbie, they're all board members who left money to Sacred Heart, and that's where their files are kept. That's just how it is."

"But don't you think that when Kelso found out that, you know, they were leaving the hospital money…don't you think it's possible that he hired someone to kill them, maybe? Or that he did it himself?"

It was a moment before Dr. Cox answered, but when he did, his voice was undoubtedly sincere. "Kelso is a lot of things, Newbie. A lot of _bad_ things. But a killer? No. Not that. To be honest there, Trish, the time line doesn't even match up."

"'The time line?'"

"I mean that, if you're seriously taking in Mr. Sullivan's will as evidence, it would only prove Kelso innocent."

"What do you mean?"

"Kelso wasn't the Chief of Medicine when he was on the board, Newbie. I'm sorry, but…I really don't think he's your guy."

JD sunk deep into his chair, hands going up to rub tenderly at his temples. He had been _so sure_ that Kelso was the target, but now? Every single thing that Dr. Cox had said made sense; down to the very last syllable. And really – did he, an assassin whose target had always been given to him before hand, honestly think anything would come out of his investigating? He'd never had to go on the prowl before. Sure, he had to sneak around and get some information for this or that target, but it was information to back up what he'd already known to be true. He'd never had to figure the target out for himself. Hell, he _still_ didn't have to. The Superior wasn't making him do all of this investigating, was he? JD had done it for his own benefit; to know who it was he would inevitably have to kill, but now? Now, after four months of being there and with only two more left to go, JD was back to square one.

"J – Newbie, I'm really –"

"Why are you doing that!?" the intern snapped suddenly, cutting the Irishman off from continuing.

"Excuse me there, Sabrina?"

"Why do you keep stopping yourself from saying my name?"

"First of all, watch your tone. Second of all, I'm not sure what in the hell I'm supposed to call you. I just found out last night that John Dorian isn't your real name, remember? So do I still call you JD? Do I just call you John? I honestly don't know. And because last night was stressful _enough_, I was trying to avoid getting into this discussion with you, but since you're obviously in the mood for an argument, I say why the hell not!"

Embarrassed, JD crouched further into his seat, removing his hands away from his still pounding temples to look up at Perry as best as he could. "I'm sorry… Look, I…I was really sure it was Kelso. And a part of me is happy, you know? Last night I found some pictures of his family and I just… I'm glad I don't have to kill him, I am, but I just wanted to _know._ I wanted to know who it was. I've always known who it was. Now I'm lost without any direction on where it is I'm going, and my time is almost up!"

It was here that Dr. Cox's stare went from vaguely understanding to an odd combination of anger and concern. "Your time is almost up…?"

JD swallowed. Oh, shit. He hadn't meant to tackle that yet. "I…yeah. I had a year to complete this mission, but my Superior just came to the hospital the other day and –"

"_What_ did you just say!? Your boss was _here!?_ Newbie, when in the _hell_ did this happen!?"

So JD proceeded to tell him everything; from the day he was first assigned his under cover mission to Sacred Heart, from the night at the bar where the Superior made his surprise visit, to Sean's appearance as a patient in need of care, all the way to the Superior's last visit under the guise of a pediatrician, leading to the state of panic in which Dr. Cox had later found him.

"Holy shit, kid…"

"I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell everybody! From Turk to Elliot to Carla… Oh, God, Perry… What if…what if…"

"Newbie…?"

"What's really bothering me about not knowing who the target is, I mean…what if…?"

Quietly, Perry stood from his place at the table, moving over to JD's chair and coaxing him out of his seat. Without so much as a single word, the brunet buried his face into the Irishman's chest, letting those arms embrace him as they stood their in the quiet. Finally, Dr. Cox spoke; voicing the worry that remained locked inside of his young companion's lips. "You're worried it's one of them, aren't you? You're worried it's someone you've already gotten close to."

JD sniffled, nodding his head but refusing to pull away from the embrace.

"J – Newbie, it –"

"Please," the brunet asked quietly, face still buried in Cox's chest. "You don't have to cut yourself off anymore, okay? JD is fine. JD is good. I like JD."

"JD it is then," he answered, tone just as quiet. "But I want you to listen to me for a second, alright? I've known Carla forever. No way in hell it's her. Now while I haven't known Gandhi or Barbie nearly as long, I can confidently say that I ra-_heely_ don't think those two have done anything to earn an Organization hell bent on portraying themselves as divinities up either of their asses."

"I know that. I do. It's just…it's hard not to worry. I mean…I have talked to other people there besides you guys. Other interns, Nurse Roberts, the Todd, Janitor. Yeah, I know he's creepy, but I don't want to kill him! Shit, Perry, I don't want to kill _any_body! I never have!"

"And you won't have to. We're going to figure this out, JD, we are. We're going to figure this out before it all comes back to bite us. We're going to figure out who it is you have to kill, and we're going to make it so that you don't have to anymore. We're going to figure out a way for you to be able to stay at Sacred Heart instead of leaving when your time's up. We're going to figure this out, and damn it all, we're going to make it work."

It was here that JD finally pulled away, surprising both himself and Dr. Cox. "You say that like its easy, but you don't get the Organization, Dr. Cox. There _is_ no way out. Not unless it's your last kill, which it is, but I'm not allowed to stick around and be a part of a place where I just assassinated somebody. And I'm definitely not allowed to _not_ kill somebody that's on their list. This isn't like those organizations in the movies, Perry. The reality of it is –"

"Now you hold the damn phone there, Newbie, and I mean _now._"

JD stopped his pacing long enough to look back at his attending, surprised by the tone of voice in which the older man had just addressed him in. He knew Perry could be quick to anger, but he'd been so understanding last night. What managed to set him off now? "I was just –"

"No. Now you listen up, Susan, and you listen up well. I would never even pretend to understand what you've gone through. I would never try and pretend to understand that kind of hell. But don't you _dare_ go ahead and assume that _I _don't understand what reality is like. I learned how brutal reality could be at a much younger age than most kids, I'll tell you that for sure. My dad did a damn good job at getting his point across by means of leather belts and broken beer bottles."

JD stared at him, stunned, but when he opened his mouth to express his sympathies, Dr. Cox merely held up his hand.

"Don't. I don't want sympathy. What I want is for you to think about this: Would you stand here and tell me that your dad did to you what my dad did to me? Would you pretend we had the same kind of parents, or that you completely understand where I'm coming from?"

JD thought quietly. His parents sure as hell weren't perfect, but physically abusive? No. Never. "No," he finally answered.

"Now do you honestly think I'd stand here and tell you that I completely understand what that Organization put you through? That our backgrounds match to the T?"

"No…"

"But knowing what you know now, and knowing that I face death _every damn day_ at that God forsaken hospital, are you seriously going to stand here and lecture me on life's hard realities?"

JD shifted awkwardly, staring down at his shoes like they were the most interesting things in the world. "No…"

"I would never pretend to understand what you've been through, JD, honest to God, but please don't stand here and act like I live my world through a haze of denial and ignorance to what's really out there. I've been through enough hell storms myself to know _very damn well_ that life is not all puppies and rainbows. You're right: I don't know the inner workings of that Organization, and I'm sure we can't just surround the place with picket signs and expect everything to end in one giant celebration. 'Cause honestly? It might not. This whole thing might end in nothing but tears, but damn it, Newbie, I've never been the kind of person to just throw in the towel like that. So yes, I know you're right about your Organization there, but don't expect me to dust off my hands and call it a day, and don't act like because I'm fighting for something here must mean that I'm ignorant. Because I'm not just fighting for me this time. I'm fighting for you;for _us. _If you want to call it quits, fine, but don't expect the same reaction out of me."

Silence encased them both as the two stood across from one another. Finally, JD spoke. "I'm sorry. Honestly, I am. I never meant to imply that –"

"C'mere, Newbie."

JD obeyed at once, diving back into the embrace he had only just earlier pulled away from. He was surprised when, a few seconds later, Dr. Cox let out a low chuckle. "What's so funny?"

"You. I bet you're loving all of this sappy hug stuff, huh? How many times would you say I hug you in a given month? Two? Yet you've gotten three of them all in under twenty-four hours. Impressive."

JD couldn't help the giggle that escaped him as he nuzzled further into Perry's hold. "Oh, you hug me more than that…"

"No, Newbie, I don't."

"Yes you do!" the brunet sing-songed playfully. "I never told you this before, but you usually end up spooning me in your sleep."

"I _what!?_"

"Oh, relax. I like it! Sometimes you even bury your face into the back of my neck. I think it's really cu –"

"Nya-ah, no! Don't you even _think_ of finishing that sentence!"

JD could only giggle as Dr. Cox stormed away and into the bathroom for his morning shower. Still laughing, the young brunet went about cleaning their dishes from breakfast. The fact that they could endure a night like last night, followed quickly by a morning such as the one presented to them today, and _still_ end up teasing each other, made it clear to JD what he'd known now for months: They were an interesting duo, yes, but what they had going with each another? It was undoubtedly and undeniably real.

_**A/N:**__ I know this was a shorter chapter than usual and would probably be considered a filler, but the information therein is rather vital to the plot, that much I'll say. Anyway, that's about it for now. Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Until next time!_


	13. Chapter 12

_**A/N: **__First of all, thank you so much for the support you guys have given me so far. I appreciate it to no end, believe me I do. Your feedback is always read with immense gratitude. I'm disappointed with myself as of late, however, since it seems I've fallen behind. So far, I've been able to update every Monday by keeping ahead of the story. But now the next chapter, chapter thirteen, is the same chapter I still find myself working on. Almost done, yes, but still going at it. I don't want you thinking that I'm flaking, but the last couple of weeks have been pretty packed, and my writing time has suffered. That being said, I'm going to try very hard to have this story done before it gets to that late update point. With only three more chapters after this one, I think I may be able to, but I wanted to give you guys the heads up, just in case. On that note, thank you guys once again for the amazing feedback so far, and I hope you enjoy the chapter._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 12:**

"_I want to believe in more than you and me, but all that I know is I'm breathing. All I can do is keep breathing; all we can do is keep breathing now."_

_-Keep Breathing, by Ingrid Michaelson-_

_Nibble, nibble. Nibble, nibble._

JD bit nervously at the end of his pen; the very same pen he was supposed to be using to sign off on one of his patient's charts. But instead, he took out on it his worries; blue eyes staring at the puppy dog calendar that hung precariously behind the nurse's station. The date stared back at him viciously, reminding the intern of his current and unfavorable position.

One month. He had one month left before he was supposed to kill his target; thereafter leaving Sacred Heart Hospital and those he came to care for all behind.

_Chomp, chomp, chomp._

"So _you're _the culprit."

JD jumped, startled. Embarrassed orbs darted over to Carla, mouth frozen in mid bite. "Huh?"

"Every pen I've picked up for the last hour and a half has been completely covered with teeth marks. Hungry?"

JD smiled at her teasing, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Guess so…"

Silence surrounded them both, though the brunet was barely aware. He had averted his eyes to the counter, his emotions every which way, so he did not notice when the nurse's hand reached out to cup his cheek, nor did he resist when she finally made contact; her thumb stroking there gently.

"Bambi," she began softly. "What's wrong? You've been acting different, lately. Turk's really worried about you. He told me that one minute, you're attached to him like Velcro, then the next minute, you're inside of your room for hours. What's going on?"

JD swallowed. It was true, and he wasn't surprised that Turk noticed it either. For the last two months, he'd been battling against some inner turmoil involving his various relationships. Dr. Cox already knew everything that was going on, so while he still feared more than ever having to leave him at the end of his mission, it was easier to spend time with him since he knew Perry was very well aware of what was taking place. But his friends? He was constantly worrying, more than ever, about their reaction upon his departure; about whether or not _he'd_ be able to handle leaving _them._ Sure, he'd done it ninety-nine times before, but these were his friends; his first_ real_ friends. No, not just his friends, but his _family._ So for the last two months, he had found himself completely and utterly lost as to how to act around the people he truly loved. Thinking it would ease the pain for when he had to go, JD would hide himself in his room for hours, only coming out to eat or use the bathroom. What made it so confusing for the surgeon, he realized, was that the next minute, he'd become the clingiest friend in the world; deciding that he should just use what time they had left together as much as possible before having to leave for good. Carla, of course, had noticed this trend before Turk, but had been holding off on saying anything since Turk had yet to bring it up. Now that he confided in her though…

"Elliot's noticed too," the nurse added, voice still gentle. "When you ask her to come over or you follow her around the hospital, she beams. You two don't get to see each other as much as you and Turk do, so she really enjoys when you go out of your way to make time for her like that. Now she knows you're busy too, Bambi, so don't take this the wrong way, but when you go from trailing right behind her to merely nodding the next day at work, she worries…"

JD closed his eyes. The people he'd been trying to protect from pain were now worrying about him almost every day. He'd been thinking about it since the night he told Perry who he really was, but was it finally time to tell his friends the truth? The idea of it made him physically ill, but it was his last mission. And since these people mattered more to him than anyone he had ever met, maybe, just maybe…

The brunet swallowed his guilt long enough to answer, eyes still unable to meet his favorite mother hen's. "I'm sorry, Carla. I know I've been acting a little strange. I just…so much has been going through my head these last few months."

"Like what? Can't you talk about it with us? Or at least with Turk? Is it Dr. Cox? You two seem happy at work, so I thought –"

"No, it's not Perry. He's great. We're great. I just… I don't know… Carla, I'm really sorry, honest. I don't want you or Elliot or Turk to worry about me, okay? I guess, I…I guess it's just the job wearing me down…"

Carla smiled lovingly. "That happens to all interns, Bambi, but don't worry; it'll pass."

_Not the job you were talking about, was it?_ Silently telling his inner monologue to shut up and go away, JD nodded. "Thanks, Carla. I appreciate it."

"No problem. Now – I know you haven't eaten yet, and Turk should be done with surgery in just ten minutes or so. I'm pretty sure Elliot's already there, so do you want to come to the cafeteria with me? I'll page Turk and let him know we're saving him a seat."

JD instantly agreed, mind still racing as they walked to the cafeteria with each other. He was still struggling on how to act with his friends before his time ran out, but he didn't want to have them constantly worrying about him either. Deciding that today was a "clingy day" the brunet leaned into the Latina just a little, enjoying her presence as they walked side by side, waving simultaneously at the smiling blonde that awaited them there.

--

It was closer to twenty minutes than ten, but JD didn't mind. He was more than happy to see his Chocolate Bear walk through the cafeteria's entrance, but when the surgeon merely waved before getting in line for food, he knew something was wrong.

Sluggishly, his roommate made his way from the line to their table, sitting down in his chair with a weary thump.

"What's up, CB?"

"Not a good day, that's all."

Carla reached out to pat his hand lovingly, giving JD the raised eyebrow of question when he went to do the same. "Sorry…" he muttered.

Shaking her head, the nurse turned back to her boyfriend, brown eyes large with sympathy. "What happened, Baby?"

"So far, you know, with all the surgeries I've been a part of, I've been helping innocent people; patients who you want to see get better. But today…today we got this guy wheeled in from the ER. Gun shot; close to the heart. I was so mad at first. I just kept thinking, 'Who the hell would shoot this poor guy?' until the police came strolling in after him. Turns out the guy was scum. He was in the process of trying to murder someone, but his victim got a hold of the gun and shot him in defense. I had to stand there and in good conscious help save the life of a killer_._"

Elliot nodded understandingly, swallowing her mouthful of salad in order to respond. "I _completely_ understand where you're coming from. Last week, I was taking care of this one woman. She seemed so friendly at first, but then I found out why she was really there. She wasn't sick at all! She was disguising herself as this innocent patient to get out from under the cop's radar. Can you believe that?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Carla answered, voice obviously displeased. "I've been here for eight years, and trust me – I've seen all kinds of criminals walk through these doors. It's hard, but we have to treat them."

"What about you, VB? Any patients you've had trouble helping? …Dude?"

Hoping his hands weren't visibly shaking, JD stood up from his chair, too flustered to notice the wince his friends gave at the scratch of metal from his seat scraping hurriedly against the linoleum floor. "Sorryguysfoodsbadfeelingsickbye." Words having left him in a rush, JD followed suit with his steps, high tailing it out of there and heading towards, well…he didn't quite know. He just needed to get out. He just needed to get _away._

Suddenly finding himself in the men's bathroom, JD leaned into the nearest sink, reaching out to splash cold water onto his face; mind a whirlwind of thoughts. He couldn't believe his own stupidity. Couldn't believe he'd actually been seriously thinking of telling his friends the truth. Of _course_ they wouldn't forgive him! Of _course _they wouldn't understand! They were doctors. They fought against death all the time, so to welcome a murderer into their midst? No way. Maybe the outcome wouldn't be exactly like his nightmare from months ago in that there was no such thing as zombies, but the looks of rage? The looks of disgust? The looks of mortification and betrayal? He'd get that times a thousand, he knew. There was just no way he could ever tell them anything.

Still frantically splashing water onto his skin, JD jumped at the sudden intrusion, not having heard the door open.

"Newbie…?"

"What!?"

Dr. Cox's eyes automatically widened, letting the door swing shut behind him. "Geez, kid, calm down. I just came to see if you were alright. Carla said you got up in a hurry. They're worried about you, and quite frankly, so am I."

"No they're not. You might be, but they're not. They're worried about JD."

While his gaze was still focused on the sink, the intern could tell from the older man's voice that he spoke with a frown. "_Ho_-kay…maybe you didn't hear me there, Susan, but that's exactly what I just said."

A sudden swell of anger coursed through JD's veins, causing him to lift his head from the sink and to stare directly into his attending's eyes. "Yeah, they're worried about _JD. _They're worried about Vanilla Bear and Bambi and John _Dorian._ They're not worried about John Doris at all! They _hate_ John Doris!"

Dr. Cox's face morphed into that of indifference; his usual move when he actually really gave a damn, but just didn't know how to portray it through his features. It was always obvious though; especially when his eyes turned soft and his voice came out in just notches above a whisper. "Come on, JD," he answered calmly, extending his arm to gently grab the intern's shoulder. "Let's go get you cleaned up and –"

"_No!_"

Perry's hand stopped mid point, expression clearly stunned. JD was too busy pacing about the bathroom to notice; the water in his hair still dripping into his eyes and blurring his vision. "I'm not going back out there. You can't make me! I can't be near them ever again! They hate me! They wouldn't understand!"

It was a moment before Dr. Cox responded, but when he did, his voice was back to that velvet like tone that so few people got to hear. "You were thinking of telling them, weren't you?"

And just like that, the anger was gone, replaced by feelings all too familiar to the young intern. Frustrated, JD went to rub his eyes, annoyed by the water that blocked his vision. It wasn't until his palm reached its mark did he realize that it wasn't just the water. Tears streamed down his face without guard, causing the blue eyed doctor to let out a muffled sob. One, then two, then three, then four… Louder and louder until it felt as though the whole bathroom was shaking with them. "They hate me, Dr. Cox, they really do…"

JD didn't fight this time when arms reached out to pull him in. Back now pressed against the older man's chest, the brunet sniffled silently as one strong, calloused hand reached out for a paper towel, brining it back to JD's tear soaked expression to calmly clean them away. "You know, when you keep on crying like that, you ruin my progress. I'm going to need another towel now."

"Sorry…"

"Joking, Newbie… Now listen to me for a second, okay? No screaming."

JD nodded. God, Perry felt good today.

"Your friends don't hate you."

"But you weren't there! You don't even know what we were talking about."

"Yes, actually, I do. I told you Carla said she was worried about you, didn't I? Do you think she'd tell me that you stormed off only to leave out the conversation beforehand? They think you had a patient that was just too hard to talk about, by the way, so you don't have to worry about that one."

JD shook his head, too distraught to put together what Dr. Cox was currently trying to tell him. "But if you know everything they said, how can you stand here and tell me they don't hate me? That they wouldn't hate me if they knew the truth?"

"Because, Newbie, guess what? You know all those criminals they were talking about? The ones that were hard for them to help? Guess who struggles with those people the most. Guess who gets disgusted when they have to help someone who's down right evil over someone who genuinely needs help. Take a wild shot in the dark."

"…You?"

"Yeah, Newbie, me. Out of everyone you want to tell, I can assure you – if I thought you were evil, I would've damn well told you."

"But that's because we're lov –"

"Put that aside. Dismiss it, just for a minute. I'm talking person to person here; from one human being to another. If I found out about your past, if I had to compare it to all the other criminals I've seen here, the similarities wouldn't even come close. I wouldn't be able to logically compare you to those people. I wouldn't be able to hate you. Do you know why?"

JD shook his head.

"Because a lot of those scum bags take _joy_ in what they do. They have no conscious. They voluntarily rob someone, beat someone, kill someone… They do it like it's nothing and don't give a damn about the people they hurt. You, Newbie…you were dragged into a world you never wanted to be a part of, and you submitted to that world to save someone you cared about. And ninety-nine experiences later, you still loathe what it is you're forced to do. You want more than anything to get out of that life.

"What I'm trying to say to you is this: If I accepted you, you can damn sure bet that they will."

JD nodded, taking in his mentor's words like a sponge takes in water. "Thank you, Perry. I…I think I'm going to tell them, but just not today, alright? It's been kind of crazy..."

"Yeah, Newbie, I know. You don't have to tell them right now. You don't have to tell them tomorrow. You can tell them whenever it is you're ready to."

JD sniffled one last time, wriggling a little further into Perry's hold. "Thank you. …Dr. Cox?"

"Yeah…?"

"I only have one month left."

"I know…"

"Have you…have you thought of anything we can do? Anything to change what's supposed to happen…?"

It was a while before Perry answered, his response clearly not one he was used to giving. "…I have absolutely no idea."

"Yeah," he answered softly. "Me neither."

--

JD paced the apartment like an animal trapped in a cage. Turk and Carla were out for the evening. A good thing, to be sure. He certainly didn't want them around for whenever he got the information. Perry offered to come over, of course – to be there for him whenever it showed up – but JD had declined. He wanted him there, no question, but he knew he'd be a mess the entire time and didn't want to put that on Dr. Cox.

Hands stuffed deep within his pockets, JD looked back at the calendar. It was something he was doing much more often as of late, but tonight's date was undeniably worrisome, and that was putting it lightly. Feeling nauseous, JD tried not to wince as the Superior's words from three months ago played for about the millionth time in his head since he woke up earlier that morning.

_"I'll inform you of the target's identity during your last week here."_

Once again, JD's eyes took hold of the date staring back at him. Tonight. Tonight marked the beginning of his last week at Sacred Heart Hospital. His last week at the apartment; his last week as a doctor, his last week with his best friends (who still had no idea who he was) and his last week with Perry…

A sudden knock made JD let out a small scream. God, what was wrong with him? Sure, he was about to find out who it was he would have to kill, but it's not like he never had to before. Of course…there'd never been the slightest possibility that the target was somebody he'd befriended since he knew who it was right away.

Okay, so maybe those were good reasons as to why he was jumpier than usual.

Hesitantly, JD made his way over to the door. He was surprised, but undoubtedly relieved, to find who really stood within its entrance. "Perry!"

"You know, for a trained assassin, you sure do scream like a girl."

JD blushed. "You heard that?"

Merely shaking his head, the Irishman walked through the doorway, ignoring the intern's stutters.

"What are you, I mean…what are you doing here? I thought… You don't have to be here, Perry. It's really oka –"

"Oh can it, will you, Newbie? I know you want me here, and you know what? I _want_ to be here, so enough is enough. I have no damn idea how we're going to work around the system of this so called Organization, but I sure as hell don't plan on leaving you high and dry, especially on a night like tonight. So, c'mon…I brought a copy of Judge Dredd over. Yes, Newbie, I love you that much. We can watch it while we wait."

For a moment, JD could only gawk, but before Dr. Cox was able to fully situate himself on the couch, the brunet darted over to where he stood, pulling at his collar and bringing him in for a long, meaningful kiss.

When the moment was broken by only a need for air, Perry couldn't help but grin. "Well that was new. I thought it was my job to initiate that sort of thing."

"I love you too," JD responded without hesitation. "I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you for ignoring me and coming over."

The grin on the older man's face slipped away, turning into a small, rare smile of genuine affection. "Ignoring you is my specialty, JD. You don't have to thank me."

Doe eyes looked lovingly at the orbs that stared back, full lips moving in so that their touch was mere inches apart. "Well I am. Thank you."

After another five minutes of sweet bliss, the two doctors sat down on the couch, popping in the movie and deciding to pretend like it was just another night.

--

Three and a half movies later, no new information had arrived, and their current movie – "The Sting" – was on pause, Dr. Cox having needed to get up and use the bathroom. JD scrubbed at his face wearily. He really thought that, once midnight hit, the identity of his target would be revealed. It was a thought akin to that of a morbid fairy tale, he knew, but it was still logical, wasn't it? When the Superior said he was going to do something, he meant it, and he _usually_ meant it with frightening precision.

But maybe he didn't mean _exactly_ a week before he was supposed to leave. Maybe he and Perry should just call it a night and brace themselves for the morning.

It was at that exact moment, however, when JD heard the very soft, very subtle sound of something being slid under his door. As fast as his shaking legs could carry him, the assassin jumped up from his position on the couch, ignoring the familiar envelope that now lay untouched on the entrance to his apartment. Lunging forward, JD grabbed the handle, tearing the door open with wide, seeking eyes.

Nothing.

Not particularly surprised that the sender was already gone, the brunet closed the door, making sure it was locked more than usual. Unable to further convince himself that the door wasn't really shut, JD turned around.

For hours it felt as though he stared at the thing; the all too familiar envelope that he knew would hold information he needed to complete his mission, but information he did not want to obtain. _Relax,_ he told himself quietly. _The only thing you really have to worry about is how you'll be able to stay at Sacred Heart once you complete the mission. And come on…I know you're scared, but be logical – it can't be one of your friends. You've been in the Organization long enough to know that they only kill criminals. Everybody you know at Sacred Heart has done nothing to warrant a death sentence, so breathe, okay? Just breathe._

So very quietly, very anxiously, JD picked up the envelope; opening it with sweaty, shaky hands.

Automatically, he screamed; a scream so loud and so horrified that most would assume his life depended on breaking the sound barrier. Colors blurred as the world spun wildly, and as though the sheet of paper physically burned his skin, John threw it away from himself with another heart-wrenching cry, his body backing up to the door as if the thing would get up and hurl itself forward. Eyes and throat burning, JD didn't stop himself from crumbling to the floor, nor was he able to form a coherent response as the bathroom door swung open in a rush, its owner's footsteps frantic.

"JD!? JD, what happened? JD, look at me! What happened!?"

When all he could do was shake his head no – when all he could do was stare – the realization that showed on Perry's face was something that would forever haunt the assassin's memory. Skin unusually pale and blue eyes wide with terrified understanding, Dr. Cox's gaze went from the shaking brunet to the lone piece of paper. Quietly, too quietly, the older man reached out, picking it up and swallowing hard as he read the name that stared back.

When Perry finally dropped the piece of paper, when the auburn haired doctor walked over to where JD sat, the brunet's gaze could not help but dart over to the command now lying haphazardly on the floor. He didn't fight it when Perry sat down next to him, physically turning the young intern's head so that it pressed deep within his shoulder, but the name there was forever burned into his vision – written out in the same handwriting he'd seen ninety-nine times before.

_Doctor Percival Ulysses Cox._

_**A/N: **__Usually, when readers guess something before it happens, I give them kudos when they end up being right. In this case, however, it feels very strange to do so… That being said, please don't hate me. Until next time._


	14. Chapter 13

_**A/N: **__I got the chapter done! -dances- Don't worry though – when I say I got it done, that in no way means I rushed. I was able to finish it earlier this week (and started on chapter 14) and edited the usual amount of times I normally do, so hopefully, this sucker will be up to par. However, Thanksgiving Break is around the corner, which means a crap load of assignments due. I can't promise that the next chapter will be up this Monday, especially since I'm being even more anal about the next one than usual. (Chapter 14 contains the climax; the first scene that popped into my head for this entire story). That being said, thank you guys, _sincerely_, for all of the greatly appreciated feedback so far. I know a lot of you were upset about the target's identity, but at the same time, you were also very understanding as well, so I really wanted to express my gratitude. Anyway, that's about it from me. Hope you enjoy the chapter!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 13: **

_"Where are we? What the hell is going on? The dust has only just begun to form crop circles in the carpet. Sinking, feeling… Spin me 'round again and rub my eyes. This can't be happening."_

_-Hide and Seek, by Imogen Heap-_

JD had no idea how long the two of them sat there like that. Every now and then, the assassin would drift off, only allowing himself to do so in hopes that he would wake up and realize it had all just been a bad dream. But every time he opened his eyes, he would find himself leaning against Perry, back still pressed against the front door, and the murderous piece of paper still lying casually on the carpet, as though it didn't realize just how truly and utterly evil it really was.

Of course, if Dr. Cox ever noticed him looking at it, he would robotically turn him away.

Dr. Cox… His initial reaction had been frightening, to say the least. _Never_ had he seen Perry look so scared. Even the night JD came home from invading Kelso's office, the Irishman had looked more angry – sad and confused, even – than scared. But the older man's face had undoubtedly paled, and when he finally did release the paper from his grasp, he had walked over to JD in something like that of a trance.

And now, hours later, he still had yet to say anything.

_Shock,_ JD's doctoring informed him. Yes, it was definitely shock. Of course, JD was beyond shocked too. But unlike the older man next to him, the brunet's natural reaction was to panic. Perry was never one to panic though. It just wasn't his way.

Still, he wished Dr. Cox would say something. Anything. Yet, except for the times he pulled JD's head back into his shoulder in order to keep him from staring at his latest instructions, the man had yet to even move.

So many questions were racing through JD's head, and as the hours passed by, it was getting harder and harder to contain them. _Do you want to go home? Do you want me to come with you? Would you rather stay here? Should we call out of work? What if we ran away? Should we go into hiding? Should we tell our friends? Do you think they would help? Do you think they _could _help?_

And the one question that JD really, _really_ hated himself for even thinking. The one question that made his stomach drop and his heart shatter all at the same time.

_What did you do?_

JD blinked away a fresh new onslaught of tears as morning light spilled in from the kitchen window and onto the frames of both mentor and protégé.

It was only then that Dr. Cox finally began to stir.

Slowly, the man stood up from his position on the floor, blinking at the room around him as if he just realized for the first time in hours where he was. Finally, he turned towards the kitchen. JD watched on, shocked, when the Irishman pulled out a frying pan and a carton of eggs. "Perry…? What are you –?"

"Breakfast. We should eat something."

"I…yeah. Yeah, okay. But…how about I cook for you this morning, alright? Go relax on the couch for a little, or in my room. Let me do it."

"No. I'm going to cook. Two eggs or three?"

It was JD's turn to stand up now, his look apprehensive as he continued to stare at his attending's back. "Really, Perry, it's okay. Let me cook for you, alright? I really don't –"

"I _need_ to," the older man whispered, his reply coming out between gritted teeth.

The guilt only intensified as JD realized what Dr. Cox was saying. Or more to the point, _confessing._ The brunet had teased him multiple times about whether or not he only saw cooking as a mere necessity. He never thought he'd get Perry to admit it was therapeutic, and if this was the only way for him to have found out, then he definitely wished that it was still a secret for Dr. Cox and Dr. Cox alone. "Okay," he answered softly. "I'll go wait in the living room."

Thirty minutes later found both JD and Perry sitting silently across from one another at the table. Dr. Cox, despite having cooked the meal, barely touched his food. The last thing JD wanted to do was eat as well, but he knew it would make Perry feel better, if only for a moment, to see him eat what it was he just prepared. Swallowing down a fork full of eggs, JD couldn't help but wonder if the older man was ever going to talk; a question that was soon to be answered.

"I didn't do anything."

JD stopped, turning from his plate of food to stare at Dr. Cox. The Irishman's eyes were set on the brunet's; his gaze both firm and sincere. "I-I didn't think –"

"Don't say that. You would have had to at one point or another. I'm not mad. It's your…it's your job, and I'm betting you wondered what I supposedly did without even meaning to. And you know what? I've been wondering that same damn thing all night too."

"So you don't, I mean…"

"JD…I have absolutely no idea why my file is in that envelope. I have no idea why my name is on that paper. I have no idea – zero, nada, zilch – as to what I could have possibly done that would earn me a death warrant. I tried all night; I tried coming up with anything and everything; things that I've done going all the way back to college, and you know what I found? Nothing. So take me seriously when I say what I'm going to say next, because it's not something you'll hear me say often. Are you ready? I'm lost. I'm clueless. I have absolutely no idea why your Organization wants me dead."

JD's gaze dropped back to his plate of food, eyes sorrowful. Of course Dr. Cox didn't do anything! Of course…

"…You don't believe me…do you?"

The brunet looked up quickly, his own surprised gaze meeting the eyes of one very bewildered looking Dr. Cox. "W-What?"

"You don't believe me!"

The assassin startled as Dr. Cox shot up from his chair, storming to JD's bedroom and gathering up his jacket and keys. "Perry! Perry, _wait!_ What are you doing? Where are you going? We have to talk about what we're going to do! We need to talk about how we're going to handle this!"

The brunet backed up a step, eyes still wide, as Dr. Cox spun around on his heel, eyes narrowed angrily as he faced the young intern staring back at him. "Don't start. I was damn well prepared to do that until you turned away from me. You don't believe a single word I said out there, do you?"

"What? Of course I do! I could never picture you doing anything that would even come _close_ to earning a death sentence!"

"I know that already, Trish; hence our surprise upon seeing my name on that paper. But now that it's there and we can't even _pretend_ that it's not, what do you think? Do you believe that file or do you believe me?"

"…You said you weren't mad at me for wondering…"

"Of course I wasn't! Because for eight years, those files only held the names of criminals, but now that I've told you that I'm innocent, now that you've heard it straight from my mouth – _now_ what do you think?"

JD looked away; eyes not able to meet the ones that stared back at him. "I…I believe you…"

"No. No you don't."

Perry pushed past JD, serving him a shoulder bump he'd not given him in months. "Wait!" John called after him. "I do believe you! I do! I just…"

"CAN IT! Nothing you can say right now will make this better, so just shut the hell up! I practically _cradled_ you when you told me what happened to you; I didn't question you for a _minute_. Now the roles are reversed and whaddya' know! You don't believe a damn word I said! Well you can blow it out your ass, do you hear me? You're a fucking assassin, alright. No, scratch that. You're a fucking praying mantis."

JD, who had been getting ready to call his name yet again, stopped midway, eyebrows coming together in obvious confusion. "I'm a praying mantis…? What does that mean?"

Cox was by the doorway now; one hand on the doorknob and one hand stuffed angrily into his pocket. "You don't know? Well then let me tell you before I leave this hell hole of an apartment for good. Do you know what the female praying mantis does to her partner after she sleeps with them? She kills them, Newbie. She bites off their head and leaves them to die."

It was a long moment before JD could respond. Blue eyes stared shocked at the man before him, tears gathering up but refusing to fall. "I…I can't believe you just said that…" he whispered. "I can't believe you would even think…"

And for the first time since his outburst, Perry's eyes softened. For just a fraction of a moment, an obvious confliction resided there; a mix of sorrow and regret and confusion. Silently, JD willed for him to remove his hand from the doorknob; to take off his jacket and to take a seat on the couch. To come back into the apartment and talk; to give him at least _one chance_ to apologize.

But whatever sorrow that had been there was quickly replaced by anger. Cox's eyes narrowed one more time, making JD's heart drop to the bottom of his stomach with a bang, before the older man left the apartment with a door slam so loud he could have easily woken the entire building.

"I'm sorry," the brunet finally choked out, but he knew it was too late. Dr. Cox was gone.

--

A few hours later found JD curled up beneath his blankets.

From the moment he and Perry started seeing each another, the brunet had wondered how long they would last. Worried and having very little confidence in himself romantically, he didn't think they'd last that long, and while the thought of them being with one another during his entire stay at Sacred Heart was a nice one, the image had also brought about a whole new set of worries; the fear of having to walk out on a confused and broken Dr. Cox by the time his supposed year was up.

But so much had happened since then; all of which the two had survived. Appearances by the Superior, time cuts, confessions, revelations – they had remained strong through mess after mess, only finding themselves closer to one another when all was said and done.

Yes, Dr. Cox had stuck by his side the entire time.

JD, on the other hand…

Only one week to go; a week they should have cherished with each another; a week in which they should've spent their time thinking on how he would be able to stay once all was said and done, and the brunet had gone ahead and destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to him. Out of fear and paranoia, he had let the person he loved most in this world down; had doubted the same exact person who had never once doubted him.

Letting out another muffled sob, JD winced as his roommates entered the apartment after a romantic night out; giggling in a way that only further depressed the young intern.

"What's up with all the dishes?"

JD tried not to cringe as he heard Turk's query from the kitchen. The minute Dr. Cox had left, he'd taken his file, shoved it angrily into his sock drawer, and threw himself onto the bed. He hadn't the heart to look at it further or clean up the breakfast that the Irishman had prepared for the two of them.

A soft knocking on the door made him wince yet again, pulling the comforter up and over his head before letting out a distressed sounding, "What?"

Quietly, the two stepped inside of his room. Still refusing to make eye contact, JD could only listen at the various questions being shot his way, all of them coming from Turk. "You okay, buddy? VB? You're scaring me, man…what's wrong? JD…?"

JD didn't want them to worry, yet he knew the only way to get them not to was to talk about it. He loved Turk, he really did, and he would trust him with damn near anything. But he didn't want to hear his best friend and roommate call Dr. Cox a jerk right now, which was undoubtedly going to happen if he revealed to him the conversation – or all he really could, anyway – that had taken place that morning.

Peeking out of the covers for the first time since they got there, JD made eye contact with Carla, whose gaze was already set on him; soft and concerned. It was a brief exchange, but the nurse's instincts were far from faulty. "Turk," she intervened gently, interrupting his various questions. "Let me talk to him for a minute, okay? Just a minute."

Turk nodded, and JD's love for his best friend only intensified. His roommate knew that it wasn't personal, and he trusted his girlfriend when it came to knowing what it was that needed to be said. Happy that he wasn't made to feel bad about it, JD gave his best convincing smile as the surgeon patted his shoulder, leaving the two of them alone.

Face turned back to the pillow, JD could feel rather than see Carla take a seat on the bed. "What happened, Bambi?" she asked quietly.

It was a moment before JD could answer. He wanted to lay out the situation for her as best as he could, yet he had to be careful that he didn't reveal too much. "I was a jerk…"

"To Dr. Cox?"

Quietly, he nodded.

"How so?"

"I…he was accused of doing something bad, and I…I believed it for a minute. Just a minute, but it was enough to make him storm out of here…"

"Oh, Bambi, you know Dr. Cox. Sometimes, he just –"

"No, Carla, wait. I…I'm not done. A month ago, I…he found out I did something bad. Except it wasn't a rumor…it was true. But when I told him how it happened and how I didn't mean to, he…he hugged me. He hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. He stayed with me… I'm such a jerk, Carla. He stayed with me all this time, mess after mess, and now the first time the roles were reversed, I questioned him."

JD was surprised, to say the least, when the nurse's hand reached out to comb gentle fingers through his hair. What surprised him even more, however, was the question that followed his latest confession. "And now?"

For the first time since their conversation began, JD pulled away from his pillow; moist, blue eyes staring up at her quizzically. "'And now?' What do you mean?"

"And now that you've had the chance to really sit down and think about what happened, what would you tell him? If Dr. Cox was here right now, what would you say?"

The question rang through JD's head, yet it was a good kind of ringing; a ringing that was filled with realization.

And quite suddenly, JD knew exactly what he would say to Dr. Cox.

Sitting up from his bed so fast it actually made the Latina woman jump, JD ran over to his sock drawer, ripping out the file and holding it securely under his arm.

"What's that?" Carla asked curiously.

"A present for Dr. Cox," JD responded with sincerity, throwing on his fall coat as he did so. Hand on the doorknob, the brunet stopped, turning around to do one more thing before leaving. Smiling, JD walked back over to where Carla sat on the bed, leaning down to press his lips against her cheek. "Thanks, Carla. I really appreciate it."

The shock on her face morphed smoothly into an affectionate smile, brown eyes misty with appreciation. "Anytime. Oh, and JD?"

"Yeah?"

"I've seen few people come and go through Perry's life since Jordan left. The longest relationship he's had since their divorce lasted for two weeks. He's never been able to open up to anyone since they split, no matter how hard he tried. The fact that you two have stayed together this long means he really does care about you. Remember that when you're talking to him, okay? Remember that. Dr. Cox may not be the romantic type, but the one thing I can definitely say is that he's never been the kind to say 'I love you' without meaning it."

JD nodded, taking in Carla's words like life support. "Thank you, Carla."

"Like I said, Bambi, anytime."

Waving good bye to Turk on the way out and quickly assuring him that everything would be fine, JD hopped into Malik, hoping that his departing words to the surgeon held true.

--

When JD finally did arrive at the apartment, he found himself questioning his next big move. Would Dr. Cox forgive him? Would he understand how sincere he was?

_Well if he doesn't, would you blame him? _

_ Wow, it's been a while._

_ Did you miss me?_

_ Not really, no._

_ And do you know why that is? It's because I'm honest; I remind you of everything you don't want to hear._

_ It's not that I don't want to hear it. I'm very well aware of all the things that could go wrong; not just with this, but with everything. I just choose not to let all those aspects bring me down; to stop me from trying. I try to focus on the positive. It's one of the…it's one of the things that Dr. Cox likes about me. Even if what I'm about to do doesn't show him how serious I am, even if it doesn't work, I'm not ready to give that part of myself up yet. I'm just not._

_ Yeah, but why? Why would you even –?_

_ Go away._

_ You can't –_

_ Yes, actually, I can. Go away. I'm done with you._

_ But –_

_ I'm done with you._

Without so much as another moment's doubt, JD brought his hand to the door and knocked, eyes creased in obvious determination.

It took a while for Dr. Cox to answer. The wait made the assassin's stomach flip, but not because he was afraid of his next big move. What made him worry, however, was the stumble he heard on the way to the entrance; the hesitance that penetrated through the wooden barrier, making JD want to cry. Was Perry…was Perry afraid to confront JD after their fall out? Or rather…was he afraid to confront JD due to the assassin's latest instructions…?

The face that met him when the door finally creaked open didn't help the overwhelming feelings of sadness and guilt to dissipate, either. Despite the way his eyes narrowed in obvious defense, the rest of the man's features were much different than they were from a mere three and a half hours ago. The auburn haired doctor looked worn, and his eyes were a misty sort of red he couldn't quite identify. Had he been crying? No, it wasn't that. Something was off, definitely, but JD didn't want to stand in the doorway and evaluate him any longer. He wanted much, much more.

Without so much as a single "hi," JD pushed his way through the entrance, surprised and concerned to see Dr. Cox stumble, if only for a moment, upon the slight contact his shoulder made with his on the way in.

His voice, however, was still very much in tact. "Newbie, what in God's name are you - !?"

After hearing the door slam shut, JD whirled around, pulling out the file from beneath his jacket and holding it out for the older man to see.

"Newbie, I don't even –"

But JD wouldn't let him finish. With a vigor filled with nothing short of love, JD went about tearing the file to shreds – envelope and all – his anger towards the Organization and his Superior, his fear of what would become of both him and Perry, his anxiety over not having yet told his friends who he really was, and his unanswered questions in regards to how they would deal with the contents therein – all coming out as his fingers worked to tear it apart, piece by piece, sending the papers flying into the air in a swirling mess of confetti; surrounding both mentor and protégé.

And as he came back to himself, as he finally looked back at the gaze that had never once left his own, JD was met with the wide, blue eyes of one Perry Cox, taking him in for all he was worth and more some. "I love you," he suddenly announced, those three words having been his first spoken upon barging into the older man's apartment. "I love you so much. If you don't love me anymore…if you want to end this because you don't feel the way you used to, then…then okay. It would crush me, but…but I could leave knowing we gave it everything; knowing that, at one point or another, we had something real. But don't end this if you're still in. Don't end this if you're just as crazy for me as I am for you. I love you, Perry. I really do. And I'd take your word over that stupid piece of paper any day."

It was a moment before Dr. Cox finally answered, but when he did, JD could have sworn he heard his heart rip to pieces, much like the file he himself had just finished tearing apart mere seconds ago. "Idiot," Perry mumbled.

JD swallowed. Hard. He knew this was a possibility. He knew his doubt over Perry's innocence was big enough to break them apart. And, as much as it pained him to admit, he knew that it was his fault and his fault alone. He knew that –

"I can't believe you actually thought I didn't love you any more."

JD didn't close his eyes until Perry's lips connected with his own, the older man's comment having shocked him to such an extent. But as his attending's fingers fumbled roughly through his hair, as he took in the feel and the scent and the warmth of the man whose touch he never thought he'd feel again, the taste on his tongue reminded him of his earlier evaluation of Dr. Cox, causing him to frown.

Having felt his sudden displeasure, Perry pulled back some, eyebrows creased in curiosity. "What?"

"Scotch," JD answered, more to himself than to Perry. "You taste like Scotch. Are you…are you drunk right now?"

"JD…I'm tipsy, at best, and even if I was ra-ha-ha-_heely_ wasted, I've never been one to profess my emotions when intoxicated, nor have I ever been one to wake up the next day and not have a single idea what it is I said or did. I love you, Newbie. A little Scotch wouldn't deter me from that."

"I wasn't doubting you. Trust me – there's no more doubt coming from me. I was just worried."

Dr. Cox let go of his hold on JD, walking towards the coffee table and screwing the top back onto its bottle. "Look, Newbie – even if we hadn't gone at each other's throats a few hours ago, try and remember that I just found out that I'm due for a death sentence by the end of the week."

JD shuddered, swallowing down a mouth full of nausea as he responded to the Irishman's latest remark. "You don't have to tell me to remember. I'll never _not_ remember. I just wish we hadn't wasted time fighting with each other. We could've been using this time to talk about what it is we're going to do instead of drinking hard liquor."

"I know, Newbie, trust me I do. There's just one thing I want to do first."

JD looked at the older man quizzically, who was now standing in front of him again, having left his bottle of scotch to collect dust in the mini bar. "What's tha – _Mmph!_ Mmm…"

JD didn't break the kiss this time, nor did he pull away as Dr. Cox led him to the bedroom.

--

"God, I love you."

"Yeah, I'm pretty amazing."

"…In bed!"

"First of all, that's only funny, or rather, _never _funny, when you add that to the end of fortune cookies. Second of all, considering I just sexed the bejeezus out of you, that's not really an insult now, is it?"

"Damn it! Sean's right; I suck at comebacks. Well, that's okay. You _are _amazing. Actually, I don't even know why I said it. I just sort of did."

Ignoring the last part, Perry turned over from his back and onto his side, head propped up casually as he took in JD's sleek frame. "Assassin Sean, you mean?"

The grin on the brunet's face vanished instantly, hating himself for having killed a moment of peace between them. "Yeah…that Sean."

Silence encased them as they continued to stare at one another. Dr. Cox was _never_ a, "I can get lost in your eyes forever," kind of guy. It just wasn't how he interacted with those he loved. Yet JD could see those blue orbs taking him in; drinking in every fiber, every feature; from lines of worry to loose strands of hair. JD felt himself being absorbed – memorized – and not a single part of him could resist.

"JD," the older man finally exhaled. "Let's talk."

The brunet nodded, but in a rare occasion that would have normally left Dr. Cox with an amused look of shock, the intern found himself at a complete loss for words.

"Okay then, I'll start," Perry began. "I don't really think you're a praying mantis."

The mere mention of Dr. Cox's earlier accusation made the younger of the two want to cry, but he refrained; his relief over taking the guilt and anguish that the comment had brought on.

"I know you would never voluntarily kill me."

JD had been getting ready to reply, but stopped mid way, mouth half open as he let his attending's latest words really sink in. "I…that's good…"

Perry raised an eyebrow, clearly not understanding what was wrong with his latest remark. "Care to elaborate, Newbie? Please don't delude yourself into thinking I can't tell when something's wrong. You wanted to talk, so let's go."

JD nodded, blue eyes averting his gaze, knowing he might not receive the answer he wanted. "You said that…you said that you know I would never _voluntarily_ kill you."

The intern's concern struck Perry at once. JD could tell, but what really bothered him was that the older man wasn't elaborating; he wasn't explaining what it was he had really meant to say. Swallowing, the assassin pressed on. "But you know that I would never, _ever_ kill you. At _all_. …R-Right?"

It was a moment before Dr. Cox answered, yet, despite his words, there was no accusation there. His tone remained calm – serene, even – as if he had already made up his mind on a decision he had yet to express. "I know you would never voluntarily do what it is you're being told to. I know you believe me over your Superior, and I know that you would do anything in your power from having to go ahead with this mission."

"Dr. Cox…I can't believe you're actually –"

"Listen, JD. Listen. We're going to do all we can here, but I want you to listen to what I say next. To take it in and to remember it; and I mean _really_ remember it. There is no hidden message here; no secret code. What I'm about to say is something I've been thinking about for hours; something I've been thinking about since seeing my name in that envelope.

JD…if push comes to shove – if it's your ass or mine – then I want you to follow through. I want you to pull the trigger. If that's the only way out, I want you to do it. If that's what it comes down to, then that's what you have to do. It's what I'm _asking_ you to do. If the time comes where that decision has to be made, then you kill me, JD. You kill me and you get out of there as quick as you possibly can."

Mouth open like a gutted fish, it took more than a mere moment for JD to process all that had just been said to him. Blue eyes stared, wide and mortified, at the calm ones that gazed right back. Finally, it hit him, causing the assassin to dart up from the bed in a rush, arms shaking as he ran sweat soaked fingers through his already tousled hair. "Are you _insane!?_" he asked frantically, voice high and shaking with obvious disbelief.

"JD."

"How could you even _think_ that? How could you ever expect me to do such a horrible, _horrible_ thing!?"

"JD."

"I hated killing all ninety-nine of those criminals, Dr. Cox. I _hated it._ And now you want me to kill _you?_ Like it's _nothing?_ Are you _insane!?_"

"_JD._"

"That's crazy! _You're_ crazy! I can't do that! I won't! You can't make me! Dr. Cox, you can't –"

"_**JD!**_"

The brunet paused in his pacing, though his body still visibly shook. Perry, who was still stretched out on the bed, patted the spot where JD had been laying. Bewildered beyond belief, the intern crawled back in, though his eyes were unable to meet the Irishman's; emotions and anxiety still at an all time high.

"Now calm down," Perry stated, tone obviously trying hard to remain calm. "That is thee _very_ lastoption, understand? We're still going to talk about this, but I wanted to establish that right way."

"But –"

"No buts. It's something I wanted you to know. You have my permission, get me? If it comes down to that, you don't have to walk away feeling guilty."

"Please, Perry…" JD choked, "You can say that all you want, but you can't expect me to do that and just walk away like it's nothing. That _is_ insane. I defy you to tell me that you'd be able to kill me and then just turn around, guilt free, based solely on the fact that I said it was okay. Could you honestly do that?"

"…No. No, I couldn't. But if an Organization like the one we're dealing with wants me or _any_body dead, then I'm guessing they're going to make it happen, even if the person assigned to said mission doesn't do it himself. And I know neither of us want this to happen, Newbie, but if it comes down to you pulling the trigger or them, then I _do _want it to be you. And besides…I don't have a brother waiting for my return…"

JD visibly winced at the mention of his older brother. Dan… God, how he missed Dan. He was the whole reason that he joined the Organization to begin with. Not that he blamed him for what happened, but it was true that the older Doris was the only reason JD had allowed himself to submit to that murderous world. He had killed ninety-nine people to keep his brother alive, holding on to the image of a reunion with him once all was said and done. But now… "Can we…can we talk about other options for a little bit?"

Dr. Cox nodded. JD knew that the older man was serious when he said he didn't want the assassin to forget what it was he asked of him, but he also knew that it was the very last option that either of them wanted to face.

"Here's a thought," his attending started up. "What if you told your Superior that this mission was out of your league? You wouldn't have to break the rules. You could still complete the given quota if he sent you somewhere else. That would also enable you to remain at Sacred Heart, wouldn't it? You told me that you can't stay at a place where you just killed someone, but if you didn't complete this mission, then you'd technically be allowed to come back once whatever new mission he gave you was over and done with."

JD chuckled, though the usually happy sound was laced with nothing short of bitterness. "There are no free passes when it comes to the Organization; _especially_ when it comes to the Superior himself. I can't even imagine his reaction if I asked him something like that. And besides…have I ever told you what they used to call me around there?"

Dr. Cox shook his head.

"I was the 'Golden Boy.' The little train that could; the awkward kid who was plucked up and turned into something supposedly great. I hate what I do, Perry, God knows I do, but even I'm aware that I do it well. The Superior wouldn't believe this was out of my league, especially after I told him I was adapting well as a doctor. He didn't expect that of me, but the killing part? That he expected, and he won't take no for an answer."

Perry nodded, silently taking in JD's words before moving on to idea number two. "Okay…what if we faked my death?"

"Huh?"

"We _do_ work at a hospital, you know… It wouldn't be too hard to pull off. I could have a 'heart attack' before the given date comes. Or at least that's what we'd pay the mortician to write down for 'cause of death.' You could bring that file to your Superior. Hell, you could bring him a picture of my corpse on the gurney, if it makes him happy."

JD shivered. "Please don't say that again…"

"Sorry, Newbie. I didn't say that to make you squirm. But it _is_ a possibility. We've seen enough dead bodies between the two of us to know how to make one look realistic. It would require a trip to a cosmetic store, I guess, but it could work. Kind of hard to assassinate a guy who's already dead now, isn't it?"

"Alright, but then what? I'd be sent on another mission, complete the assignment, and come back to Sacred Heart to be with you, Turk, Carla and Elliot. I'd be a free man, but _you_ wouldn't. We as a couple wouldn't. We'd have to live the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders and making sure that the Superior and the rest of the Organization never found out, because if they did, we'd both be gone…"

"Well hell, Newbie, do _you_ have any ideas? 'Cause God knows you've shot down every one of mine!"

"Oh, forgive me for not enjoying the idea of _killing you,_ Perry!"

"You know what, Susan, you really - !"

"Wait, Dr. Cox. I-I'm sorry for saying that. I…I really don't want to fight right now, okay? Please, I'm…I'm really sorry. Let's just…let's do anything but fight. Please."

Inhaling slowly, Perry nodded. "Yeah, same here. Let's just think up some other ideas, alright? Shouldn't be too hard..."

Yet as the seconds turned to minutes and the minutes turned to hours, not a single idea surfaced. Perry, who had long ago reached out to pull JD against him, was the first to finally break the silence. "Remember what I said earlier. Remember what to do if it comes down to that…"

"It won't."

"But you need to remember that it's an option; an option that I'm saying is okay for you to take."

"But I can't!"

"But you need to think of Dan."

"Just because I refuse doesn't mean they'd kill Dan…"

"Newbie…"

"I know…"

"So you'll promise me then; to remember what I said."

"I _can't!_"

"…Why?"

"What do you mean 'why?' Because I love you!"

"I know…"

"Then why'd you ask?"

"I just…I wanted to hear it."

When tears welled up and spilled over, JD thought he'd been doing a good job at crying without letting Perry know, having intentionally held back from making any noise. But when the older man pulled him in closer, hands rubbing up and down his back, JD could not help the sob that escaped him as his arms circled around Perry's waist; holding him close and refusing to let go.

_**A/N:**__ If the beginning scene at breakfast felt familiar, it was supposed to. I wanted it to be a parallel for Chapter 11. Hopefully that came off okay. Anyway, I know that wasn't the happiest of chapters, but at least it's not a cliffhanger, right…? Until next time. _


	15. Chapter 14

_**A/N: **__First and foremost, you guys are just absolutely wonderful. Thanks so much for the amazing feedback you've given me so far. I know this story has been an emotional…ride of some sort, (Oh, JD…) but thanks for hanging in there with me despite its many ups and downs. On that note, this chapter is quite long, though it contains the climax of the story, which was the first scene that actually popped into my head and gave birth to this crazy adventure. That being said, thank you guys once again for the amazing feedback. I hope you enjoy the chapter. (Only one more after this one. Can you believe it?)_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 14: **

"_Should they kill me, your love will fill me as warm as the bullets, yeah. I'll know my purpose; this war was worth this. I won't let you down."_

_-Alive with the Glory of Love, by Say Anything-_

JD stared at himself, long and hard. The person in the mirror was doing his best to look cheerful, but he could see it in his eyes; the anxiety that was today's date; the horror it entailed. _It'll be okay,_ he tried telling himself quietly. _If worse comes to worse, I'll just tell the Superior I completed the mission and Perry will go into hiding for a bit. Forget the fact that the consequences would be beyond horrible if they ever found out, but I mean, i-it's something, right?_

"That's no way to tie a tie, Susan."

JD jumped, mind having been so preoccupied with worry that he hadn't noticed the other reflection that now stared over his shoulder. Doing his best to smile, the brunet turned around, drinking in the sight before him as though he'd never behold it again. "You look great," he whispered.

Across from him, Perry stood tall, muscles not nearly as tense as they should have been for what the night could possibly entail… His suit jacket hugged him just right, as did his grey under shirt, and his pants, black like his jacket, were neatly pressed.

For someone who was anything but your typical prince charming, he sure did know how to look the part.

"Of course I do," he finally replied. "Did you expect anything less?"

JD chuckled softly. "No, of course not."

Stepping forward, Dr. Cox reached out without pause, taking JD's tie and adjusting it properly. "Maroon's a nice color on you," he commented, voice uncharacteristically soft as his eyes stayed focused on the tie.

"Thanks," JD answered, voice just as quiet. "I, um…I picked it out for you. You said it as a joke once – about liking my maroon boxers, remember? – but I thought you might've been serious, so I chose that color."

"I was serious," Perry replied, eyes still on the tie. "Looks good on you…"

When the brunet's reaction was to sniffle, Dr. Cox finally looked up; eyes regretful and worn. "Newbie…"

"I know, I'm sorry," the intern choked, a couple of stray tears escaping him in the process. "It's so selfish too, because if anyone has the right to start crying tonight…"

"Stop, JD. You're not selfish, trust me. Should we go over how you ended up in the Organization to begin with? Now come on." Perry handed JD a nearby tissue, watching in silence as he went about wiping away those rivers of salt.

Finally calm, or at least as calm as one could be on a night like the one presented to them, JD inhaled slowly, rolling his shoulders as he once again focused on the man before him. "Are Turk and Carla ready?"

"Gandi's getting dressed, I think, and Carla's lighting some candles."

JD smiled. "Leave it to Carla." A sudden chuckle escaped him then, in which the older man quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes, Newbie?"

"I was wondering…how far did her jaw drop when you said you wanted to have dinner with everyone?"

Dr. Cox smiled. "Pretty damn far. Said you were rubbing off on me once she got over the shock. Either that or it was actually your idea in which you coerced me into asking."

"This was a good idea though; to get together like this… Is Elliot here yet?"

"Barbie's on her way."

"That's good…"

Silence encased them both then, the air around them mournful and tense. When Dr. Cox stepped forward, JD was sure he was leaning in for a kiss, but the older man merely pressed his forehead against the younger of the two, closing his eyes in silence as JD followed suit.

Forever it seemed they stayed that way, and to JD, forever wasn't enough. The silence was suddenly a comfort; an illusion that time had stopped, capturing the two in a moment of peace and serenity that would last, untouched, for years and years to come. Their breaths came out even – not shallow, not chocked – as the heat from their bodies blended with each other; the warmth of all they shared coating and calming their spirits.

_This is my body –_

"Hey, guys! I'm here!"

JD's eyes opened at once, as did Perry's. The brunet sighed, though the tone in which he next spoke was undoubtedly playful. "Elliot Reid: Moment Killer."

Dr. Cox just chuckled. "It was time for us to go out there anyway, Newbie."

"Ha, it feels like we're coming out. Hey…Perry?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you…do you remember when our biggest problem was what other people would say? Or Jordan? Or our schedules just not matching up?"

"Yeah, kid, I do."

"It's only been six months, but it feels like…it feels like…"

"It feels like it's been six years."

"…In the good way?"

Dr. Cox nodded, blue eyes still soft as he continued to drink JD in. "Yeah, Newbie, in the good way."

JD swallowed hard as Perry nodded towards the door. "Now c'mon, Carol. Time to eat."

--

"Wow, Dr. Cox, you look _good!_"

Perry raised an eyebrow as his arms went to their usual place across his chest, but not before giving his nose a solid flick along the way. Immediately, Elliot blushed. "I mean, 'cause…you know! I've never seen you in anything other than scrubs and a lab coat! I didn't mean it like _that._ I just meant…leave me alone!"

Carla grinned as she patted the young blonde's shoulder. "Relax, Elliot. Dr. Cox is up for any praise, any time; trust me. Embarrassing you in the process is only a bonus in his eyes."

"Well, it's not my fault! I mean…we've never really seen him like that. Except for JD, of course."

"And me," Carla added, giving the Irishman a playful smile.

The older man merely grinned, though Turk, who had seated himself at the table beforehand, ignored his empty plate long enough to stare up at his girlfriend in horror. "Baby…is there anything you want to tell me…?"

"Relax, Sweetie. It's nothing."

"Quarantine," Dr. Cox cut in with a smirk, "1993."

"_Baby!_"

Carla gave the attending a disgruntled look before promptly walking over to her boyfriend. "Relax, Sweetie, that was years ago, trust me. I have you and Dr. Cox has JD, and we're the happiest we've ever been."

JD swallowed. In terms of relationships, yeah, but tonight wasn't exactly – His train of thought was cut off, however, when a familiar hand combed through his hair and pulled him in, it's owners lips pressing against his temple. "You bet your sweet ass we are."

Holy…Dr. Cox had _never_ kissed him in front of his friends! He'd never kissed him in front of anyone!

Through the bliss that was the moment, JD couldn't help but take in the expressions worn by each of his friends who watched on. Elliot, of course, looked like she was two seconds away from openly "Aw-ing," while Carla's smile was gentle and warm. Even Turk, who admittedly seemed surprised, still looked relieved to see his best friend loved and cared for.

Oh, God…

"Alright, I'm starving," Turk finally announced, Carla and Dr. Cox's answer having satisfied him enough. "Let's get our grub on!"

"Oh no, you are _not_ quoting that wanna be frat boy you refer to as a surgeon at the dinner table, Gandhi. I'm bound to lose my meal."

Turk, who had been getting ready to retaliate, stopped when a large bowl of linguini was placed on the table's center, accompanied by a large plate of chicken parmesan. "Baby, you cooked _all_ of this?"

"Of course! There's fresh bread on the way too. Just needs another five minutes."

JD turned to Dr. Cox, wondering if he noticed what he had tried so hard to plan. Of course, the older man noticed the minute the plates were set down. Blue eyes stared at the food being set before him, stunned. At first, his gaze moved to Carla, clearly wanting an answer to his unspoken question. But when the Latina just smiled and nodded towards the brunet, he quickly averted his gaze to the young man standing next to him.

"Once everyone agreed to this, I asked Carla if she'd make your favorite foods. I thought, you…I thought you'd like that. …Do you?"

Perry nodded, eyes full of words he couldn't seem to form. "Thank you," he finally whispered.

"We can have this meal any time you want, you know," JD added then, voice shaking just slightly. "Maybe even next week."

When Dr. Cox just looked at him, when he sat down at the table and said no more, JD had to do his damndest not to cry.

--

Five minutes later and the group was all gathered; the bowl of fresh bread that Carla had promised sitting at the center of the table with the other dishes. Dr. Cox was the first to reach out, grabbing the bowl and handing it to JD before anyone else. "Take one, Newbie. Eat." To the room's other occupants, it was just Dr. Cox being his usual, demanding self, but to JD, it was a borderline plea. Nodding, the brunet took one of the rolls, passing it around the table so that others could help themselves.

It was admittedly awkward at first. No one really knew what had possessed Dr. Cox (or rather, JD, since they were all quite convinced that it had definitely been the intern's idea) to have a formal dinner like the one they were having now, but as the night progressed and wine was drunk, stories started being told; stupid jokes and stupid patients that had them all laughing. Even Dr. Cox managed the occasional small chuckle, and that alone was reason enough for JD's smile.

But while the older man was actually holding in sarcastic remarks long enough to listen to everyone's comments, JD could not help but notice how he would occasionally drift off; how his mouth would capture a fork full of linguini; how his eyes would close, dream like. How he would pause before swallowing – savoring the taste, the smell – before coming back to reality.

It was after his third time doing this that Carla said what she said.

"Wow, Dr. Cox, I've never seen you enjoy a meal like that. It's not your last one, is it?"

It was a joke; her tone having been nothing other than playful. But when both Perry and JD simultaneously froze – when the older man's eyes met the nurse that sat across from him – an exchange took place. And for the first time all night, JD felt bad for someone other than Perry.

Carla… She had been close friends with Dr. Cox long before any of them had even arrived at Sacred Heart. Sure, Turk and Elliot were slowly but surely becoming more comfortable with their attending, but nothing close to a real friendship; at least not yet. But Carla… She had been there for him when no one else was. Before JD showed up, she was the one individual Perry would even come close to confiding in. They were friends; genuinely. And now, this woman before them – a mother hen, a healing nurse, a guide – was stuck in a position she herself loathed; to know but not to know. To sense an underlying meaning, but to know nothing; unable to say or do anything other than stare. And God, if only she knew… Her friend of eight years, Dr. Cox… He might not…he might not…

"Well if it was," Perry replied, voice a little too nonchalant, "I'd sure as hell be glad I could enjoy it like this."

When the nurse's eyes darted over to JD, he could see more than ever her silent question; her silent need. _I want to,_ he tried to tell her. _I want you to know. But I…it's just… Oh, screw it! Help, Carla, please! It's Dr. Cox! They want him _dead_, Carla! They want him dead and they want me to do it!_ But the only thing that came out was, "He's right, of course. The meal's amazing."

When the nurse said she was glad, when all she did was smile, the meal continued onward; as if nothing had ever happened.

--

JD sat on the end of the bed, scrubs already on. They were his favorite pair; the pair he wore on his first day of work. God, how long ago that seemed… Silently, he watched as Dr. Cox pulled on one of his infamous tight t-shirts, quickly followed by his lab coat. JD swallowed. "Are you sure you want to go in tonight?"

Without turning around, Perry ran a brush through his curls as he answered the brunet's latest query. "Don't really have a choice now, do I? We got the night shift, Newbie. No calling out sick unless you're actually sick."

"I think you have a good enough reason to call out tonight, Dr. Cox…"

"And say what, exactly?" Perry asked then, voice back to the tone that most Sacred Heart employees were used to hearing. "Sorry there, Bobbo, but my boyfriend and I – who I'm _pretty damn sure_ you want to kidnap for your son – are going to spend the evening inside due to my inevitable destruction. See you tomorrow at 9:00! I'll be the ghost haunting the hell out of you."

Of course, that comment only caused JD to do what he did best – to filter through the wreckage and find the hidden gem. "Boyfriend…?"

Dr. Cox scoffed, though the edge that usually accompanied that laugh was noticeably softer. "Only you would hear me say everything I just said and choose to focus on that."

"I just…you never called me that before. It's nice… And all of that other stuff…it's not that I'm ignoring you. It's just…it's not true. It's not going to happen."

It was there that Dr. Cox finally turned around. He stared at JD silently; the look in his eyes screaming the inevitable. Though a wall was there as well; built to protect and to defend. Finally, he spoke. "Are you bringing your gun tonight?"

"No."

"JD, we talked about this…"

"I'm not bringing it, Perry. I can't."

Perry averted his gaze, shaking his head in both confusion and worry, though he'd never admit to either of them. "Let's go, Newbie," he finally answered. "It's almost ten o' clock."

Dr. Cox turned to leave, but was surprised, to say the least, at the hand that reached out for his lab coat; drawing him back with a vigor he had never felt from the brunet before. Caught off balance, the Irishman stumbled, turning around awkwardly and landing on the mattress; palms splayed out on either side of JD's head. Blue orbs stared up at him lovingly; longingly. "One for the road?" Dr. Cox asked, confirming the assassin's latest course of action.

JD could only nod, blue eyes misty, as he filled the space between them.

--

The intern stared at the clock; nerves on end as he read the time that glared back.

11:55pm.

In just a short five minutes, the Superior would be calling, as he always did on the last day of the assassin's mission, to ask if all had gone according to plan. Ninety-nine times now JD had said yes and tonight would be no different…sort of. He'd say yes, alright, but it would be a bold face lie; one JD could actually feel proud of. He'd tell his Superior that everything went well; that the mission was complete, and the minute those words left his mouth, he would go to Dr. Kelso and explain why it was Dr. Cox would need the next couple of months off, whether Perry wanted him to or not.

"And what in the hell do you plan on telling him?" the Irishman had demanded earlier on the way to work.

"That you were in a car accident. You're fine, but you can't work for a while; doctor's orders."

"He's going to ask why I didn't call and tell him myself."

"No he won't. You hate him and he hates you. He'll figure you just had me tell him since my shifts tonight anyway."

"Yeah, and so is mine. He's going to run into me eventually, Newbie. He'll know you're bluffing."

"Not if you lay low."

"Alright, so are you laying low too, then? He's going to wonder why you didn't tell him right away."

"Yeah, I'm making sure that when I rush into his office later, it'll be the first time he sees me all night. He'll assume I was late because of the accident."

"Okay, so then – if I apparently broke enough bones to stay home from work for a while – why didn't I go to Sacred Heart for treatment?"

"You wouldn't have come here if you had the accident somewhere else. No ambulance would take a longer drive for someone in need of serious medical attention just because they liked the hospital farther away more than the one that's right up the street. It's not like we're the only hospital around here, Dr. Cox."

"Newbie… I understand what you're doing; I understand this desperation –tee-_rust _me, I do – but you're really pushing your luck with this one…"

"I-It'll work, okay? It'll work."

In response, Dr. Cox had silently pulled into the parking lot; hands remaining on the wheel of his Porsche for just a fraction longer than they normally did.

Now, less than two hours later, JD was leaning against the nurses station; staring at the clock and praying to a God whose help he still didn't think he deserved.

11:56…11:57…11:58…11:59 – tick tock, goes the clock.

JD swallowed as his remaining minute became shorter, drinking in the room around him and hoping that tonight would not be his last night at Sacred Heart Hospital; the last night where he'd get a goofy page from Turk, a bit of gossip from Carla, a "Frick!" from Elliot, a girl's name from Dr. Cox… Tick tock, goes the clock.

Twelve o' clock, screams the clock.

Instantly, JD tensed, hand automatically reaching for his cell phone; ready to answer the same call he received for the past eight years.

But the phone never rang.

The brunet stared, horrified, as the clock carried on. 12:01, 12:02, 12:03, 12:04… Something was wrong; something was _definitely_ wrong. The Superior wouldn't just not call. He never decided to just not call!

Throat dry with anxiety, JD whirled around, relieved to see Carla approaching the nurses station. "Carla!"

The Latina woman jumped, eyes going wide at the look of worry on the young intern's face, reflecting the obvious panic that resided in his outburst. "Bambi, what's –"

"Have you seen Perry? Where's Perry!?"

"JD, _relax._ He's just up on the roof. There's no need to –"

But the brunet was already off; heart and legs pumping as he climbed up the stairs, wanting more than ever to see the auburn haired doctor. Something was wrong. Something was definitely, _definitely_ wrong.

Throwing open the door without caution, JD didn't have to look around long to find Dr. Cox. The older man was standing by the far off wall of the roof; hands splayed out on edge as his gaze turned up to the sky. If it was any other night, JD would have remained quiet. He would have stood to the side, unseen, in order to take in the image before him; to remember it like a treasured hymn. But now was not the time; tonight was not that night. He had to tell Perry what just happened, or rather, what _didn't _just happen. "Dr. Cox!"

Instantly, the Irishman turned around. He seemed to sense something too, of course. In fact, now that JD stopped long enough to think about it, could he have come up to the roof only minutes before midnight on purpose? Had he…had he chosen this place to…to… "Newbie…?" And there it was; the answer in both his tone and in his gaze. Perry was anticipating a bullet, and he was expecting JD to be its deliverer.

_Sorry, Dr. Cox. I know you're used to me listening to you, especially at the hospital, but that…I can't do that, Perry, I can't._ "It's past midnight!" he suddenly blurted.

Dr. Cox frowned. "I've noticed. So did it work then? Did your boss believe it was settled? Did Kelso?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you! I didn't even get to Kelso yet because the Superior never even –"

But that's when the door to the roof swung open, the figures that emerged from its entrance sending JD into a strong bout of internal panic. He could feel Dr. Cox beside him tense; the older man automatically on the defense. Across from the duo, door now closed behind them, the Superior stood on at the scene, eyes holding a look that JD had never witnessed in his eight years of knowing him.

But why was he there? What in God's name was he doing? And why in the hell did he have to bring Sean again?

Through his confusion and all around panic, JD couldn't bring himself to tear his gaze away from the Superior's. Besides the usual ice cold stare, something else was there too. It was only when his eyes averted from JD and landed on Dr. Cox did the assassin realize what it was. Lust. _Angry_ lust. His eyes took in Perry like a wolf takes in sheep; hungry and wild for blood. Yet his words came out as smooth as ever; tone still bone chillingly cool. "I was worried," he finally announced, "that we were late. Of course," here the Superior paused, eyes turning back to JD in obvious accusation, "Why Percival here is not yet dead leads me to question your skill level, Mr. Doris, but seeing as how this satisfies why it is I'm here, I will not hold that against you.

"But please, carry on. At this point, I am merely relieved to have made it on time. Precede, Mr. Doris, and put your look of fear away. You will not be critiqued or evaluated on this particular killing, I assure you. I just want to see it; to _witness_ it."

JD involuntarily cringed at the Superior's latest remark. He had practically _hissed_ his latest desire. "I…I just…"

Amidst his stuttering, the brunet's gaze turned to Dr. Cox. His arms were still protectively crossed over his chest; his muscles as tense as ever, but his eyes…besides from being narrowed out of what JD could only assume was hate, there was an obvious revelation trying to take place as he stared at the assassin's superior; a puzzle desperate to complete itself, despite the missing pieces.

"Mr. Doris," the Superior cut in quite suddenly. "I did not leave the Organization, sit in traffic, and voluntarily choose to visit this decaying excuse of a hospital just for the sake of getting out. You know I do _everything_ for a reason, and I mean every single word that I say, so when I choose to witness your last kill, and when I say to precede with what it was you were doing, then I do, in fact, mean it. Now continue. I don't want to hear another set of stutters."

Preparing himself for what would come after his next confession, JD swallowed. "I don't have a gun, Sir…"

"…I'm sorry?"

"I don't have a gun. I meant to bring it, but I was late for my shift, and I…I forgot."

It was a long moment before the older man answered, but when he did, he did it through clenched teeth. "Mr. Doris…rest assured that if tonight was not your last kill, if you were to return to the Organization rather than being set free, you would bepunished for your carelessness; _severely_." The Superior turned to Sean for the fist time since their arrival, the anger from John's latest remark not having left his expression. "Mr. Kelly, I believe you are equipped with an extra weapon, yes? Give your fellow assassin the gun. Immediately."

Much like his Superior, it was the first time JD looked at Sean since their arrival as well. It took a moment to interpret the silent message the other assassin was sending his way as he walked over to his co-worker, placing the deadly weapon in the palm of his hand. But then their eyes met, and JD knew why it was Sean looked so damn out of place. Eyes uncharacteristically lost, the other assassin stared at him for a fraction of a moment, but it was more than enough to get across what it was he was trying to say: _I have no idea why he wanted to come._

JD shivered. Sean was the Superior's right hand man; an unspoken title that was known throughout the Organization. Yes, he was only second in skill in comparison to JD, but his loyalty to both the Organization and the Superior made him the perfect candidate. Sean not knowing what the Superior was up to only further proved to him how out of control the situation at hand really was. In fact, the only other time the brunet could ever recall seeing his fellow assassin look that confused was when he came to Sacred Heart as a patient…

"Mr. Doris, I believe Mr. Kelly has just handed you a perfectly adequate gun."

JD watched, silently horrified, as the Superior and his protégé made their way over to where both of the doctors stood, leaning against the far off wall in order to get a better view of what was about to occur. "Please proceed," his commander instructed.

"How about telling me what I did first."

All heads whipped towards Dr. Cox. They were his first words spoken since the Superior and Sean had arrived, and the question itself was asked in an undeniable air of causality. Through his racing pulse, JD could not help but admire the auburn haired doctor for holding his own, even with the person who demanded his kill glaring back at him for doing so.

"I was wondering that too," the brunet added, voice not nearly as settled as Perry's, but still just as assertive. "What exactly did Dr. Cox do to warrant this?"

The vicious eyes that had been focused on Perry now shifted back over to JD. "_What_ did you just ask me?"

John swallowed. This was no time for cowardice. Not when Perry's life was on the line. Not when Dan was somewhere out there, waiting for his return. "For eight years you've given me a criminal to kill at the start of each mission. This time you waited until the last minute, and even then, all I got was a name. There was no information there besides that, so I was wondering –"

"I _really _hope," the Superior cut in, "that you are not questioning my authority right now."

"I was just curious," JD continued, courage for his loved ones returning to him, much like it had on the night he and his brother were attacked. "What has he done? If he's a criminal, then isn't it my job to know? I've always been able to before."

"It is _my_ job to know," he shot back, "and it is _your _job to obey."

JD had been getting ready to open his mouth in retaliation, but the Superior was suddenly walking briskly towards Dr. Cox. The brunet's entire body froze as the two men were suddenly inches apart; the night's cold air illuminating their breath as they stared at one another; hard blue eyes against hard blue eyes.

"Do you really want to know why you're standing here, waiting to be killed?" he whispered, voice menacing as it reached out and grazed Perry's ears. "Why it is I have condemned you to a well deserved death?"

Dr. Cox didn't nod, but his jaw became tighter; his gaze still cold and searching.

Angrily, the Superior turned around; eyes burning with a rage JD had never seen on him before. "You want to know what this man did, do you!?"

JD's eyes darted to Sean, wondering if he was experiencing the same thing he was. The other assassin looked on at their commander, shocked but hiding it well. Yes, this was new to Sean too, wasn't it? What made the Superior so damn frightening was how evil and malicious he could be without even breaking a sweat; how his gaze remained focused and his voice consistently calm. But his eyes were on fire now; his voice moments away from erupting into a full blown scream.

And somehow, it made him a thousand times more frightening.

"_Do you!?_"

JD nodded briskly, almost having forgotten the Superior's latest question.

"He killed a five year old girl! Now I dare you to defy me! I dare either of you to tell me how that does not deserve a death warrant!"

The pseudo intern turned to the Irishman, eyes wide. He hadn't expected that in the slightest, and while he didn't believe his Superior, he wanted to see if the accusation would trigger something in Dr. Cox; a memory of sorts he had yet to figure out.

"I know you."

The Superior turned around sharply, eyes twisted as he took in the individual who he had so eagerly sentenced to death. "Yes," he exhaled, his usual velvet like tone coming back to him. "Yes, I was wondering if you would recall. Now do us all a favor and say her name. Say the name of the girl you killed!"

Perry's eyes darted over to JD. They were sorrowful; regretful, even, but they were not apologetic. Whatever Dr. Cox was being accused of grieved him, undoubtedly, but it was clear that the attending did not take blame for it either. "Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Rose."

"Ah, so you really _do_ remember her, don't you? Well now…let's take a stroll down memory lane then, shall we? Miss Elizabeth Rose was taken to Sacred Heart Hospital shortly after her fifth birthday. The child had cut herself and, for _some reason_, would not stop bleeding, no matter how much her father tried to heal her wound. The nurses greeted her there with love and affection, _promising_ that the child would be taken care of. 'Ah, one of our finest young doctors!' they proclaimed. Just made attending that year, if I recall, yes? Advanced, they said. Knowledgeable, they said. _BULLSHIT_ is what I say now! Did you think I'd never find out? Did you think I'd never get word of your whore of a wife and how stressed you were when coming into work? You let your personal affairs get in the way, and LOOK WHERE IT LEAD TO! Elizabeth _DIED!_ She died after I was told there was a chance she could _LIVE!_ But no, she didn't, because she was given a careless, selfish, INCOMPETENT doctor, so now _YOU_ are going to die! You are going to die right now; _TONIGHT!_ And I am going to drink it in; do you hear me, Percival!? I am going to drink it in and savor the sight of your blood dripping on the very same building in which my daughter died!"

It was a long moment before Perry answered, but when he did, his tone was laced with absolute assurance. "Your daughter," he started calmly, "had an extremely high white blood cell count. I can only apologize for whatever nurse told you she had a chance. But you and I both know she was admitted to the ICU. It is, to be blunt, where most patients go to die. That doesn't mean they all do, or that we simply give up, or that there is no chance whatsoever, but if someone led you to believe there was a _strong_ chance for her, then they were gravely mistaken."

"You son of a –"

"Your daughter…she's one of the reasons I don't have, let's say, professional bedside matter; why I may not have a tendency to connect with my patients anymore; why I often have to call Dr. Dorian over there to do the comforting while I take the person's vitals."

If the moment at hand wasn't such a severe one, JD would have basked in the sound of Perry referring to him as Dr. Dorian, but it was a moment soon forgotten; his attention once again drawn to the older man's explanation.

"Your daughter and I connected soon after her first week with us. She was…she was a good girl, and I cared about her. It's not a very smart idea – for a doctor to care about a patient that much – but I did. And the very same thing you accused of being a distraction for me was actually, in that case, an advantage."

"Excuse me!?" the Superior spat.

"My personal life was in shambles; everyone knew. But that reason, besides the fact that I grew fond of your daughter already, was yet another motivator for me to come in early and go home late. I didn't want to be at home, so I stayed at the hospital; many hours off the clock, slaving over treatments that would somehow stop what was inevitably going to happen to your daughter."

"You're a liar!"

"I'm not. I put my entire being into saving her. I couldn't. But I didn't kill her, that's for sure. Her death was out of my power; it was out of anyone's power."

The Superior was pacing now – back and forth, back and forth – like a wild dog trapped in its cage, his glare never once leaving Perry's. It wasn't until a new thought occurred to him did he stop and grin maniacally; sure that he had the Irishman cornered. "So you say she affected you greatly then; that there's no way you could possibly forget her existence?"

"Yes."

"Then how come it took you so long to remember _me _then, _hmm?_ Where was your perfect memory there!?"

John was surprised at how quickly Perry answered, but more than that, he was surprised at how fast his voice went from calm and collected to very, _very _angry. "That," Dr. Cox started, eyes suddenly narrowed in accusation, "is _your_ fault, isn't it?"

The Superior backed up a step; shocked. An expression JD had _definitely_ never witnessed on him before. "_What_ did you just say!?"

"Your daughter was with us for seven months. In all of that time, I can recall you being there for an entirety of one hour. And I don't mean ten minutes one day and thirty minutes the next, but I mean _one day._ _One day_ you visited her, and you stayed there for only _one hour._ Where the hell were _you? _Oh, I'm sorry. You were busy condemning people to death. A little ironic there, isn't it?"

The Superior reached out, fist aimed at Dr. Cox's head, and JD just simply could not stop himself from screaming; from warning the older man of what was to come. "DR. COX!"

The fist stopped mid air as the occupants on the roof froze. Perry himself didn't seem surprised at the outburst, until he realized what it would undoubtedly reveal. Slowly, the Superior turned around, eyes aghast and accusatory as they searched his inferior's gaze. "What, Mr. Doris, was that?" his tone was back to its usual cool indifference, and as the puppet master moved closer, JD could only stare; mortified. "His name practically ripped itself from your throat just then, did it not? As if I had been getting ready to strike the face of your lover."

It was said as a jab; to mock JD for his incompetence and nothing more, but when the brunet just swallowed, when the realization burst to life in the eyes of his Superior, the air that circled the roof only intensified; the truth now revealed so no one could deny.

"Oh, Mr. Doris…" JD tried to look away, embarrassed, but the Superior's gaze held him there; the grin that matched the look in his eyes making the young brunet feel more nauseated than ever. "It is no secret that you have always been one to get too close to those you work with, but who would have ever thought you'd choose to fuck someone? And him, of all people!? Oh, poor little Doris. You always were a sad excuse for an assassin. Skilled, yes, but undeniably sad.

"Ah, but now that I think on it, the names make so much more sense now, don't they?"

"T-The names…?"

"Oh, you know, your evaluation? When I came to visit you on one of your precious days playing make believe? You can't honestly think I was only there to see you that day, can you? Come now, it was the good Dr. Cox that I _really_ wanted to see. First and foremost, anyway. I watched him from afar; picturing his death and savoring the moment. But I heard him, you know, I heard him talk about you, and the names that rolled off his tongue were undoubtedly amusing. 'Newbie?' 'Carol?' 'Denise?' Appropriate, I must confess, but here I thought he'd be _fun_ for you to kill once the time came. Now don't give me that look, Mr. Doris. I know very well how much killing those perfectly deserving targets bothers you, but I thought, if anything, you could at least enjoy this last one. To be done, once and for all – to be set free, to see your brother – to kill someone who was unquestionably cruel to you. But here they weren't insults now, were they? Just sweet little pet names. My, oh my, how I've gone and misinterpreted. No matter. In fact, this new revelation has managed to stir things up quite a bit now, hasn't it? I wonder…"

JD shook, visibly shook, as the Superior made his way behind the young brunet; arms slinking around his middle, fingers digging into his flesh, as his eyes – burning with revenge – moved past JD and set on the form of one _very_ angry looking Dr. Cox. "I wonder what it would be like," he started up again, mouth inches away from JD's ear, but voice loud enough for Perry to understand, "If it would be more, let's say, _appropriate_, to kill my favorite marionette here instead. Such proper revenge, don't you think? To take away one of _your _loved ones?"

Dr. Cox openly growled, eyes set on stun as he glared daggers at the man before him. Not only did he have the audacity to touch JD in front of his very eyes, but this was the man who had ruined the intern's entire life; the same man who had forced a boy of eighteen into killing hundreds for his own sick way of thinking.

That, more than anything else, was what finally set Dr. Cox off. "Get – thee _hell_ – away from him."

The Superior smirked one more time before stepping back, but not before back handing JD – _hard_ – against the side of his head. The roof before him swam; the only real thing he could comprehend for a moment or so being the sound of Perry barking threats.

"Relax," he finally heard his Superior respond. "I would never kill this puppet of mine. In fact, it's going to hurt quite a bit when it comes time to cut the strings. But you know how the old saying goes: 'If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever.'"

JD swallowed his vile, as did Perry, but something besides the Superior's latest statement was bothering the brunet. He had already confessed to being at the hospital on the day of his visit for more than the evaluation. In fact…

"You told me something happened at the Organization. You told me that's why you weren't there on the three month marker."

The Superior paused, clearly not having expected this sudden new outburst, but when he pieced together what it was the young assassin was figuring out, he merely grinned. "Go on?"

"You didn't come on the three month mark because something was happening at the Organization. The reason you had to wait was because Perry wasn't working then. And when he did, we didn't have the same shifts. You were waiting for us to be there at the same time."

"Well bravo, Mr. Doris. But what does any of that matter now?"

In the long run, JD knew he was right; a lot of it really _didn't_ matter now, but after months of confusion and trying to fill in all of the missing pieces, he was finally beginning to see the bigger picture.

"The bar," he muttered; eyes wide as he replayed the scene in his head. "The bar…" Sean's words from months ago was suddenly playing through his memory; a conversation he hadn't thought of in what felt like years:

"…_It didn't sound like he went to that bar to spy on you. It sounded like…it sounded like he was already there to begin with."_

"'_Already there?' So wait…he was…he was waiting for me then?"_

"_I don't think he was waiting for you. I think he was there and then you happened to show up. And then…then I think he just used it to his advantage."_

"_So then if he was already there to begin with, why was he __really__ there? Not to drink, obviously."_

"_Well maybe that's just it then...why he used you showing up to his advantage."_

"…_To cover up why he was really there."_

"_Exactly."_

JD gasped as the pieces finally fell into place; the picture as a whole being brought to life. "You were never there for me to begin with, were you? It was always Dr. Cox…"

The Superior grinned. "Of course it was always 'Doctor' Cox. I knew I had to be patient; I knew I could not recklessly order his death. Enough time had to pass so that the assassins who were around to remember the death of my daughter would not realize why I wanted him dead; they wouldn't figure it out. Imagine my surprise when I found out that young John Doris – our Organization's newest recruit – wanted to be a doctor! You were the perfect assassin to do it, so I trained you into the best you could be. Every mission given to you was to make you stronger, experienced, for this final moment. You got to fulfill your silly little fantasy, and now? Now _I _get to fulfill _mine._ Tonight I get to witness the death of Percival Cox! After years of imagining and planning and waiting, tonight I _finally_ get to see his blood paint the floor! So do it, Mr. Doris! Do it now!"

"But he already told you he didn't kill your daughter! You heard it straight from his mouth!"

"And you expect me to believe those _lies!?_ That's all they are, Mr. Doris, _LIES!_"

"No, _you _were the one who lied. It's why you didn't tell me until the last minute, isn't it? It's why you didn't tell me right from the start, because you know that I _always _investigate; regardless of what's in that file. I always look into it myself. And you knew I would've found your daughter's record. You knew I would have put a stop to it if I had known. You knew that –"

"Shut up! Shut up and do it! It's no secret that you're a weak kneed assassin, but you've never been a cop out either! You've _always_ gotten the job done, so do it, Mr. Doris! Kill the son of a bitch, and I mean _now!_ _KILL HIM NOW!_"

The Superior marched over to JD in a rush, physically taking the assassin's hands and forcing them around the gun, pulling his arms into the air so that the barrel was aimed straight for Dr. Cox. JD shook violently as his eyes met Perry's – _really_ met Perry's – for the first time since the invasion. "I can't," he choked, tears now openly rolling down his cheeks.

The Superior, who had backed up enough paces to witness the scene before him, growled angrily as he whipped out his cell phone; his arm shaking violently in the air. "DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I AM NOT PREPARED TO HAVE YOUR BROTHER KILLED THIS VERY _INSTANT!?_ I'LL MAKE THE CALL RIGHT FUCKING NOW! I WILL MAKE IT WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE IF YOU DO NOT PULL THAT MOTHER FUCKING TRIGGER!"

"Dan," JD whispered, breath coming out in rushed, uneven gasps. "But I just…I can't…I can't even –"

"JD."

The brunet focused once again on the eyes that drank him in; blue eyes that he had been privileged enough to wake up to for multiple months on end. A gaze full of love; of acceptance. And not just acceptance of him, but acceptance of the inevitable…

"I can't," JD sobbed.

"It's okay," Perry replied, voice soothing as the Superior's screams continued.

"DO IT, DORIS! DO IT OR I SHED YOUR SIBLING'S BLOOD!"

"But Dr. Cox…"

Slowly, peacefully, Perry opened his arms; accepting what was to come with his gaze never once leaving JD's. Quietly, his eyes misted over, causing the shaking brunet to sob even more.

_This is my body_

"DO IT DORIS! KILL HIM NOW!"

"It's okay, JD, it really is."

"FUCKING KILL HIM NOW!"

"I'm ready."

_This is my blood_

"Perry…"

"You have to go back to Dan, JD. You know you do."

"Oh God, _Perry…_"

"KILL HIM NOW, DORIS! I'VE WAITED FOR YEARS AND I REFUSE TO WAIT ANY LONGER!"

"It's okay, alright? It really is. It's time though, Newbie. Come on."

"DO IT, DORIS!"

"I love you," JD whispered, his shaking hands still wrapped around the gun.

"KILL HIM OR DAN DIES!"

"I love you too."

_"KILL HIM!"_

_This do in remembrance of me._

**Bang. Bang.**

_**A/N:**__ Until next time._


	16. Chapter 15

_**A/N: **__I know you're probably a bit more anxious than usual to read the next chapter since the last one ended a little, well, yeah… But please humor me for just a minute. I know I say this every time, but please believe me when I say how much I mean it: Thank you guys so much, sincerely. You've been wonderfully supportive through out the entirety of this crazy adventure, and I appreciate all of your feedback full heartedly. I really hope this last chapter lives up to your expectations, and thank you guys, once again, for being so encouraging; even when crazy cliffhangers and revelations ensued. That being said, I hope you guys enjoy the next (and final) chapter._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own a very large nothing._

**Chapter 15:**

"_You touch my face; God whispers in my ears. There are tears in my eyes; love replaces fear."_

_-The Weight of the World, by the Editors-_

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

JD could hear the sound of a heart monitor; it's presence as clear as a bell. What he didn't understand though was why? Why was he in the hospital? Yeah, he knew he had a shift tonight, but hadn't he been eating dinner with…with… Wait, no. He had dinner, yeah, but that was hours ago, wasn't it? Who…who had he eaten with again? There was Carla and Elliot and Turk and…and…

_Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep._

JD couldn't help the scream that escaped him as the pieces fell together, one by one. They had eaten together, a request made by an individual whose face he would never behold again, because they both knew the truth that neither of them had been able to admit. Of course, neither one of them had figured it would go down the way it did either. JD trembled, the memory of those gun shots screaming in his head almost as loud as his own screams now resounded through the walls of Sacred Heart Hospital.

He was suddenly made aware of three very familiar voices; voices that used to fill him with comfort and hope, yet now all they did was cause him to scream even louder. His friends; his _family._ How could they even be in the same room with him right now?

But he couldn't think on it any more than that. His heart was too busy pounding, his throat too busy burning with screams, and there was an undeniable pain that shot through his shoulder and caused him to cry out even more. But as quickly as the chaos had come, it left; the familiar nip of a needle having penetrated the top of his hand. A soothing feeling ran over him, as did the sound of a far away voice. It whispered to him, song like, and while it was said in a language he couldn't understand – Spanish, maybe? – it made him feel safe; warm.

The last thing he could remember before delving into unconsciousness was the familiar feel of a very cold hand pressed lovingly against his forehead, while the song that played from the other side of his bed soothed him back into ignorant bliss.

--

"Why isn't he up yet?"

"Baby, he's only been out of surgery for a couple of hours."

"Yeah, but what about before? He could've woken up then, but instead he just…he completely freaked out…"

"Turk…do you really think this is your fault?"

"What if I messed up though? What if I nicked something while –?"

"Sweetie, you did a _fantastic_ job. He screamed before because he was still in shock, but he'll come around. He may not always look it, but Bambi's very strong."

JD laid there; mind fuzzy with confusion and quite possibly drugs. He thought of telling them that he was kind of up; he thought of calling Turk over and telling him not to worry, even if he didn't get why he was so concerned to begin with. But then he realized that he must be dreaming, because there was just no way his friends still cared about him that much after what had taken place on the roof.

--

It was morning. He realized it the minute he woke up. His eyes were still closed, but he could feel the sun's early rays seeping through the blinds of the window; filling the room with a warmth that reminded him of waking up beside Perry on those few and precious mornings in which both doctors had gotten off of work.

A whimper escaped him as the picture of a drowsy Dr. Cox flooded his mind, causing him to instantly regret waking. He didn't deserve to be here. Not when Perry wasn't. Not when he…he…

"JD."

Eyes still closed and mind still fairly confused, JD shook his head, limbs trembling ever so slightly as he realized what was happening. His final minutes with Dr. Cox; his final minutes with Perry…no matter how hard he tried to block it out, the scene refused to leave him alone; a punishment he knew he deserved and more some.

"It's okay."

_Oh, God…_ JD sobbed as his eyes shut even tighter. He couldn't allow himself to wake up completely; not when a world without Perry was the only thing waiting for him. Not after what he did…

"It's okay, JD, it really is."

_Oh, God, it's coming_… The gun shots that echoed through his head and made him hurt more than he had ever hurt before. _Run, Dr. Cox, run! Don't let me kill you!_

"Ah hell, Newbie, don't cry. It really is okay; honest to God. You have to open your eyes though, kid. C'mon now, you can do this. Your gal pals are worried stiff about you and I'm…hell, Newbie, I've been a complete mess. So let's see those puppy dog eyes of yours, alright? I've woken you up from a night terror before and I'd ra-_heely_ rather not do it again, so whaddya' say? …Newbie? God, JD, _please._ I'm…I'm begging you here…"

Wait…what?

JD held his breath; body frozen in place as his voice resided deep within his throat. He was suddenly aware of a large, calloused hand gripping his own, and when the brunet had stiffened upon hearing the words last spoken to him, its owner gripped his hand even harder, caressing him into consciousness.

"Newbie…?"

W-Was this really happening? Was he…was Perry…?

"Come on, JD, open your eyes."

But what if he did and it was just a hallucination? What if he opened his eyes only to find that the Irishman wasn't really there?

"It's me, JD, I promise. Now open your eyes."

The intern obeyed.

Wide, blue orbs stared in a combination of both absolute awe and absolute relief at the man who sat by his bedside. Dr. Cox was smirking, or at least trying to. The corner of his mouth twitched, like it took a grand amount of effort to keep his usual cocky composure, but his eyes said otherwise; the absolute love and affection that showed there as he drank JD in so clear and so real that the brunet thought it possible to reach out and touch his emotions.

"Hey, Newbie."

It was said in no more than a whisper; a greeting that would have been casual on any other day but today, but it was those two words that forced JD to half jump, half run out of his bed. Dr. Cox caught him midway, gripping him hard and letting the brunet cry deep into his shoulder, yet he seemed very insistent about getting him back into bed. The intern complied, not really caring about the pain in his shoulder that the sudden movement had brought along; just as long as Perry didn't break away from the embrace.

He didn't.

Now on the bed with him, Dr. Cox remained quiet while JD continued to cry relentlessly into his shoulder, though his arms never once broke away from his hold around the intern. After another five minutes of tears shed from happy disbelief, the intern finally calmed, pulling away just a little so that he was able to meet the eyes of one Dr. Perry Cox.

The older man stared down at him; the corners of his mouth turning upwards in a small but genuine smile. "I'm glad to see you too."

"Dr. Cox," JD breathed, his eyes refusing to detach themselves from the attending's. "What…what happened to us? How did we get here?"

"We were only on the roof, Newbie. It wasn't a long trip to an actual patient's room."

"You know what I mean," JD replied, straightening himself up a little on the bed so that he and Perry could sit more comfortably. It was a little difficult though, what with the sudden burst of pain that shot up through his shoulder and made him visibly flinch.

"Easy there, Newbie. Let me help."

JD complied, though he couldn't remain silent while doing so; his next question both obvious and understandable. "Why does my shoulder hurt so much?"

When Perry next answered, his voice was low; his earlier worry about JD waking up alright making a lot more sense. "You were shot, JD. And so was I."

JD stared at him; horrified. "Y-You were shot?"

"We both were; by your Superior. We were taken to surgery soon after, so if it makes you feel any better, we officially have matching shoulder scars."

"That is kind of cool…"

"Thought you'd enjoy that…"

Focusing back on the situation at hand, JD shook his head; pieces of the puzzle still missing that he was desperate to obtain. "Dr. Cox, I…I don't even remember pulling the trigger."

"That's because you didn't," the Irishman replied firmly. "Sean did."

"_What?_"

"Sean fired his gun, so you and I dropped to the ground. Thing is, you dropped your gun when you hit the floor, and Elizabeth's dad reached out for it with whatever strength he had left and fired. Twice."

JD's eyebrows came together in obvious confusion. "Wait…'Whatever strength he had left?' What does that mean?"

Perry shifted, not quite knowing how the brunet's reaction would be upon his next words. "Your Superior's dead, JD."

Blue eyes stared, completely and utterly stunned, from hearing the declaration that he had always put under the category of impossible. "The Superior…h-he died…?"

Dr. Cox frowned. He had been worrying about having to tell JD that his Superior died. Not that it would grieve the brunet, that was for sure, but he knew that the former assassin and the rest of the Organization had been trained to look at the man in question like a divinity; the symbol of justice that was to never be questioned by anyone. It was a weird situation, the one he was in now. Perry knew JD wanted his freedom; wanted away from the place he had been forced to be a part of at the mere age of eighteen. But, as much as he hated himself for making the comparison, he couldn't help but think of an abused puppy. It's treated like scum by his owner over and over again, and it only takes one look at the poor creature to know that it wants out, but what if the owner suddenly disappears? Would the puppy know what to do? Would he know how to survive? Would he take his freedom with courage or would he fear it? Lost and not knowing how else to live, would he crumble under what awaited him in the outside world, even if there was somebody there to guide him? Somebody who would love and take care of him; somebody who was more than ready to reach out and help?

But the older man had nothing to worry about. Tears filled the young intern's eyes, but they were not tears of the lost; of someone who didn't know where to go from there. It was like watching a person who had been drowning finally rise to the surface; the tears that gathered in their eyes upon breaking through the water and taking in their first real lung full of air.

JD wasn't crying because he was confused or scared. JD was crying because he was finally, _finally_ free.

Inhaling slowly, the brunet nodded, taking in the news and applying it to what he'd been told so far. "Okay…okay, the Superior's dead. So wait…that means that…the first two gunshots…"

Dr. Cox nodded. "Sean killed him."

There was a part of JD that was more shocked by this news than the news of his deceased former boss. _Sean_ killed the Superior? Sean!? He had always been the most dedicated to the Superior, and while he had usually stayed to himself, much like JD, actually, he had formed an odd kind of friendship with their leader. He'd been his right hand man! His first mate! His second lieutenant! All in all, he'd been loyal to the Organization and what it stood for.

But maybe…maybe that's why he did it. Because the Superior's motives for having ordered Perry's death had been beyond out of line when it came to the Organization's moral code, which had been pretty rocky from the start. JD had glimpsed the assassin's eyes on the roof when everything started to unravel; the pieces he himself had been putting together; the realization that the Superior was anything but the idol he had set himself up to be.

_Or maybe,_ his conscious started up, _the idol that _Sean_ had set the Superior up to be for his _own_ benefit._

JD closed his eyes; his view of Sean and his loyalty towards the Organization changing in a way it had never even attempted to before. _Maybe Sean was so loyal because it was the only way he could get by. Maybe he had to tell himself that the Superior really wasn't a person to be questioned – that the Organization really was doing the right thing – because if he didn't, he wouldn't have been able to go on. And maybe, just maybe, that's why he disliked you so much. You never had to lie to yourself or pretend it was better than it actually was. You hated what you did openly, but you still pulled through each and every time. Maybe his dislike of you wasn't because he was envious of your skill, but of how honest you were with yourself. Maybe it had nothing to do with you being referred to as the "Golden Boy." Maybe Sean, from the very beginning, hated the Organization just as much as you did, but he couldn't let himself think that way or he wouldn't have been able to do his job; he wouldn't have been able to live with himself. And maybe seeing the Superior in his ugliest form woke him up. After realizing the Superior's true motives, after seeing how rocky the supposed moral code of the Organization really was…maybe that was the first real kill Sean ever made without hating himself afterwards. Maybe he's feeling just as liberated as you are now._

"Is he okay?" JD finally asked, his voice laced in obvious concern.

Dr. Cox nodded. "He's just a few rooms down. Heavy case of exhaustion and all around stress, but he's going to be fine. Barbie's in there hooking up another IV bag as we speak."

Of course, that comment only made JD's stomach turn; another onslaught of a very familiar fear resurfacing in the pit of his stomach. "Oh, God…"

"Newbie?"

"My friends…_our_ friends. They, I mean… Do they know?"

It took the older man a moment to answer, doing his best to lay out the situation for his protégé without further adding to his list of worries. "They know that there's something they don't know, and they know that I know what they don't. They know it's big, and they know it's your secret, not mine, which is why I wouldn't tell them when they asked. They understood though, Newbie; that it was your story to share. They were more concerned about you healing than anything else anyway, but you should know that, eventually, it's going to come up… And to be perfectly honest there, Carla probably has some kind of idea already. She's known something was up since dinner."

"Since last night? Really? But how did she know?"

Perry swallowed. Whatever he was getting ready to say next was nothing short of difficult for him to admit. "Remember when she made that comment about it being my last meal and we just sort of…looked at her?"

JD nodded.

"She said our eyes were screaming… We couldn't tell from where we were sitting, but she told me when she looked at us, her skin broke out into a full blown set of goose bumps. Of course, your boss not calling didn't help much either; especially when you were waiting for his call by the nurse's station."

"Huh?"

"She told me you came up to her in a panic; asking her where I was with that same look from earlier in your eyes, only then she said it was completely mortified. She told me that she told you where I was, but before she could even finish, you were off. From there, she started panicking herself. At first, she thought it was just some kind of tiff between us, but the looks we gave her at dinner didn't match up with that theory, I guess. After pacing around the nurse's station and biting off at least ten different pen caps, she decided to go to the roof herself. It was on her way up the staircase when she heard the first two gunshots."

JD swallowed. Oh, God, Carla…

"She ran the rest of the way, of course, but your Superior had locked the door when he and Sean first made their surprise visit. She ran back for help, running into Gandhi and Barbie on the way. From there, they followed her back to the roof."

JD swallowed, doing his best to contain his absolute love and gratitude for the friends who he had yet to tell the truth to. "S-So they brought us down to the hospital then?"

Dr. Cox nodded. "That's the last thing I can remember, actually. You saw me get shot and tried to run over, but the second bullet was quick. You went down; hard. I was almost unconscious then too, but Sean fired one more bullet; ending Elizabeth's dad for good. It wasn't too long after that when the roof to the door blew open. I was only seeing blurs at that point; just random colors. I can remember a pink blur running towards us, a green one running towards Sean, a blue one darting over to your boss, and another blue one by the doorway. But after that, nothing."

JD nodded, imagining the scene in his head and realizing midway that something didn't quite add up. "Wait…you said you saw somebody else by the doorway?"

The brunet was surprised when the older man's first reaction was to grin. "It was the person who unlocked the door."

It took the young intern a moment to figure it out, but when he did, his eyes popped comically, making the corners of Perry's mouth turn up even more. "No way," JD gawked. "The _Janitor!?_"

"In all of his jumpsuit wearing glory. Apparently, he wasn't going to unlock it at first; said you deserved a bit of cold air for something you did to him in Beelzebub's office a while back." Dr. Cox looked over to JD, waiting for an explanation, but when the intern only managed to look like a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, the attending just shook his head. "Anyway, when they told him about the gunshots, he became a completely different person; didn't even look at them before running up the stairs."

It was a while before JD said anything; the hem of his hospital gown suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. Finally, he spoke. "Guess it's time I told them, huh?"

"You might want to wait a little later for that one."

JD looked up then, clearly surprised. "Why? I mean…they're going to come see me soon anyway, right? I just thought –"

"Yeah, Newbie, they will. Just wait here for a bit, alright? I'll be right back."

The brunet gave him a funny look, but if Dr. Cox noticed, he definitely didn't show it. Instead, he helped JD lay back down; pulling away gently and massaging his own shoulder – causing the intern to notice the neatly wrapped bandage mostly hidden beneath his t-shirt for the first time since waking – before exiting the room.

As he waited for Perry to return, JD turned his head so that he was looking out the window; the sun's early morning rays filling the room with a soft, quiet glow. It was comforting, to say the least. Eyelids suddenly heavy, JD decided that, when Perry came back, he would ask him to crawl into bed. They both deserved a nap. Well, a nap that wasn't drug induced, anyway.

Eyes half closed and head still turned towards the window, JD jumped a little as he heard the sound of the door being open, though he smiled all the same, just happy that Dr. Cox was back from wherever he had to go. "So hey, I was just thinking –"

But when the brunet's gaze averted from the outside world and focused on the person who currently stood within the entrance to his room, exhaustion abandoned him completely; the figure that looked on at him reflecting the awe that was undoubtedly painted on his own expression as well.

"Hey, little brother…"

It was all that needed to be said for JD to be up and running. Pale, trembling arms quickly wrapped themselves around the middle of the person he'd been deprived of for eight, long years, and the love in that embrace was returned to him tenfold. "Oh my God," was the only thing either of them could manage for what felt like hours. It wasn't until JD involuntarily cringed at a burst of pain did Dan draw away, though his hands remained on his brother's shoulders as he went about looking him up and down.

"Look at you," he whispered. "You're…you're an _adult!"_

JD grinned through his various sniffles, thrilled at how happy his sibling looked while taking in the image of his little baby brother. "I'm still awkward though, don't worry. I haven't changed completely."

He was surprised when Dan's reaction to this was to become misty eyed. "I know. I could tell the minute I walked in the door and saw you staring out that window; head cocked lazily to the side. That you're…despite everything, you're still… Oh, God, little brother, I'm so sorr –"

"Don't," JD cut in firmly. "Don't you dare. I've been waiting for this moment for eight years, and not once during that time did I blame you, so please, Dan, _please._ It wasn't your fault then and it isn't your fault now."

The older Doris let his brother go then, hands stuffed in his pockets as his gaze averted to the ground. "I tried," he muttered, feet shifting back and forth awkwardly. "I tried repeating what you told me on the last night that I saw you; that you weren't mad at me; that it wasn't my fault. But my mind just kept on coming up with the worse possible things they could have done to you."

"Dan, they never tortured me or anything. The job itself was bad, but they never –"

"I know. And I figured that too, because you would have told me in some subtle way through those post cards you sent. Which, by the way, are in the top drawer on my nightstand. But that…that's not the point. I just…I couldn't do anything. I mean, I know I…I know I've never been the best self motivator, but after I came back without you…after I had to feed that lie of ours to mom… God, Johnny, I wanted to be somebody, you know? Somebody you could be proud to come back to. Somebody you could say, 'Now that was a life worth saving,' but I'm nobody, little brother. I just…I wanted to be; for you. But at the same time, I didn't feel like I had the right to go out and succeed and…and to live the life that _you_ should've been living. So instead, I just…I live at home with mom, I tend bar, I _suck_ at keeping a relationship after, well, yeah… And I'm not complaining, because I can only imagine how hard you'vehad it, but it's for that same reason that I wanted to be so much more than I am now, because I thought if I…if I could just become somebody you could be proud of, you'd be happy to see me again; to come back. I don't know, Johnny. I think I failed on that one; big time…"

It was a moment before JD could respond, but when he did, he said the first thing that came to mind. "You're really stupid sometimes, you know that?"

Dan looked up at him, hurt but not angry. "I guess I deserved tha –"

"No! God, Dan, don't you get it? I mean…don't you understand why I jumped on that guy's back? Why I let them recruit me? Dan…I didn't do that because you were cool or because you were independent or whatever it is you think I based my decision off of. God, Dan, I did it because I love you! You're my brother; first and foremost, and I just…I'm just so happy to see you here; to see you alive and…and looking as well as you do. God, I'm just happy to have my brother back!"

Dan sniffled yet again as he reached out and pulled his brother in; their sibling rivalry long forgotten. "Me too, little brother. I'm so happy; so happy to see you okay."

"I'm more than okay," JD replied, chin resting on his older sibling's shoulder. "I, um…I'm in love…"

"With that Dr. Cox guy, right?"

JD drew away, eyes wide from both the knowing and casual tone that had emitted from the older Doris. "Yeah! How'd you know that?"

"He picked me up once Sean told him where I was."

"Wait, what? Where were you?"

"I've been living around here for the past couple of months. Your creepy boss picked out the apartment so that, when you finished with your…with your last mission, you wouldn't have to travel all the way back to Ohio just to see me. I think they wanted us around for a while; to keep an eye on us… H-He's not here, is he?"

JD shook his head. "Sean is, but I don't think we have to worry about him anymore. As for the Superior, h-he's dead…"

"Holy shit," the older sibling muttered.

"Yeah…"

JD turned around then, walking over to the bed and making room for Dan to sit down next to him. His sibling followed suit, and it was only then that JD asked about their mother. "So, um…how's mom?"

"She's good, Johnny. Real good. Misses you like crazy, though. Are you…are you going to come back and see her?"

"Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Do you think…do you think she'd mind if I brought Perry with me?"

"I think she'd mind more if you didn't. You know…you only dated one girl growing up, and that lasted for what…a week? At first, I think she thought you were sexist. Okay, well…I think that was the only thing she could come up with, but I don't think she actually believed it."

JD's mind drifted back to a comment his mother had made many years ago; how much it had both shocked and hurt him.

"But I brought it up with her a few months after, you know…after everything went down. I gave her my theory about your, um, lack of dating experience. She was real good about it, Johnny. She may never be up for the 'Mom of the year' award, but she does love you, you know? She wants to see you happy, and I don't think she really cares who makes you feel that way, just as long as you are."

"Thanks, Dan."

"I owe you a lot more than that, little brother. You don't have to thank me."

"You don't owe me anyth –"

"Either way, you don't have to thank me, alright?"

JD nodded. "Okay."

It was around five minutes later when JD's earlier exhaustion came back, causing his eye lids to droop as the room in which both he and his brother sat became just a little bit brighter.

"Johnny?"

"Mmm…?"

"Do you want to sleep?"

A part of him didn't. A part of him wanted to talk to Dan some more; _a lot_ more. He also wanted to run outside and call Dr. Cox back in; to thank him over and over for bringing his brother back to his side. But the room was so warm and the heart monitor was starting to sound more like a sound machine than anything else. JD opened his mouth in order to tell Dan that he would sleep a bit later, but instead of the words he'd been looking for, a large yawn escaped him, leaving him even sleepier than he was a mere two seconds ago.

"I'm gonna go let your boyfriend know that you're going to sleep for a while, alright?"

"'Kay," JD murmured, head hitting the pillow with a thump. "Hey…Dan?"

"Little brother?"

"'Night."

While his eyes were already closed, JD could definitely feel the smile that emerged on his older sibling's face from his latest comment, staying awake long enough to hear his departing words. "'Night, Johnny."

And just like that, JD was gone; sleep having come easier than it had in what felt like years.

--

When JD next woke up, it was against something solid and warm; a familiar presence that he knew he would never get tired of waking up with.

Dr. Cox was fast asleep; stomach against the mattress with his cheek pressed against the pillow; his face turned towards the intern. Quietly, lovingly, JD reached out; the tips of his fingers tracing the older man's features in borderline awe.

Dr. Cox was lovely when he slept. Not that JD thought him any less fantastic during the day, but when Perry slipped into dreamland, all of the stress and anxiety left along with his consciousness. The lines of worry that usually made up his forehead would dissipate completely, while his usually tense muscles would finally let go of the stress he carried with him on a day to day basis.

JD's eyes practically glowed as he traced his fingers over the older man's various contours. Beautiful jaw line, beautiful neck, beautiful shou…oh. JD's hand paused at the bandage as he swallowed down a large lump of guilt. No, he hadn't caused that wound, but what if…what if Sean never did what he did? What if he…he…

JD paused in his worrisome musings as Perry's eyelids fluttered open. It was a moment before either of them said anything, as it seemed his mentor was drinking in his protégé just as much as JD had been drinking in his mentor. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty," the Irishman finally spoke.

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" JD answered with a small grin. "I woke up first for once. Can you believe it?"

"Nope."

JD continued to smile as Perry moved closer, but it soon evaporated into a troubled frown; the wince Dr. Cox gave along the way throwing him out of the moment. "I keep forgetting I was shot. Seems crazy saying it like that, but in comparison to what we thought was going to happen, it's really not that bad in the grand scheme of things, huh Newbie? …JD?"

The intern fidgeted with the sheets that peeked through whatever little space was left between them; gaze having averted from Dr. Cox when he started discussing their scars.

"Look at me, Newbie."

Sensing the edge to Perry's voice from his sudden hesitance, JD looked up, forcing his gaze to meet the Irishman's.

"If anyone told me I was going to say what I'm about to say next only six months ago – hell, _five_ months ago – I would have laughed my ass off, but now I really want to know what's going on through that overly gelled head of yours, Patricia, so talk to me."

JD squirmed, clearly uncomfortable, but he was so done with hiding. He no longer had to live under a façade or pretend everything was fine when it wasn't. He didn't have to keep secrets because sharing them could be dangerous. For the first time in his life, he could share his feelings without having to think about it over and over before doing so. With that thought in mind, JD closed his eyes; inhaling slowly before delving into his most recent fear. "I just…what if Sean hadn't killed the Superior. What if…what if nobody had done anything? What if it had been left to me and my decision alone? I would like to think that I wouldn't have…you know. I would like to think that I wouldn't have been able to. But I only think that, Dr. Cox. I'd be a liar to sit here and say that I know for sure what it was I would have ultimately decided on. And I…that scares me, Perry. That scares me a lot."

It was a moment before Dr. Cox responded, but when he did, it was definitely not the answer the brunet had been expecting. "Did you know I have a sister?"

JD, who had once again focused his attention on the sheet rather than Perry, looked back up at him at once, clearly shocked by this new piece of information. "You do?"

"Yeah, Newbie, I do. We don't talk much. And by 'much' I mean 'hardly ever,' but… Geez, JD…if I was ever forced into the situation you were – if I had to make a choice between you or her… You, who I am _more _than damn certain I love more than I have ever loved anyone, and her…who's presence I can hardly stand because of events I haven't quite erased from my memory. Keep all of that in mind when I say that I _still_ don't know what I would've done. And that's because… Ah, hell, Newbie, they're _family._ Listen…I don't expect you to know for sure what you would have done, which is one of the reasons I did what I did up there; because I knew how you got there in the first place, kid. I knew the position you were in, and I knew what you had to do. But you know what? You didn't have to make that decision, the same way you ra-_heely_ don't have to sit here and worry about it now, or for that matter, ever, _ever_ again, because unless you plan on getting thrown in to yet _another_ Organization hell bent on serving out death warrants for the quote on quote 'deserved,' then you won't have to make that decision. Ever."

"Ever, ever?"

"You better believe it, Newbie."

A soft knocking at the door interrupted them both, in which the two doctors turned towards the entrance simultaneously. "If you are not Carla, Gandhi, Barbie or Dan, then I would strongly advise you to leaveas fast as your incompetent little legs can carry you_._"

"First of the bunch, Mr. Crazy Eyes. Can I come in?"

JD froze. Oh, God…what was he going to do?

Next to him, Dr. Cox sat up, his gaze turning to JD as he did so. "Well, Newbie?"

Taking in a large, shaky breath, the doe eyed doctor nodded. "Okay."

"Come in," Dr. Cox finally answered.

Carla didn't need to be asked more than once. Quietly, she opened the door, peering in first before stepping all the way through. "Hey, sleepy."

"I'm not five, Carla."

The nurse just rolled her eyes. "I wasn't talking to you, Dr. Cox."

"Ah…"

JD blushed as Carla stepped forward, approaching the bed with cautious steps and a warm smile. "How are you feeling, Bambi? You gave us…you gave us a pretty big scare…"

JD nodded, attention still focused on his now very interesting hospital gown. "Yeah, I'm…I'm okay. Um, no, wait. I'm really good, actually. I just meant, I mean…I'm a little nervous."

It wasn't until the Latina woman reached out – her hand cupping his cheek and drawing him up to face her – that their eyes connected for the first time in hours. "I don't know what it is you want to tell us, but I know it's big, and I know it's something that you have to be ready to share. But you don't have to be nervous, Bambi. Not with us. And if it helps any, both Turk and Elliot are a lot more patient than I am. If I'm saying I can wait, then know that they can too."

When Carla pulled away, there was true understanding beneath her eyes. Not a single part of what she had said was an exaggeration; words concocted just to make him feel better. Sniffling a little, JD nodded, finally having the confidence to do what he had been putting off for the past several months. "Could you page them for me? To come to my room? And…and they should probably bring a few extra chairs. It's, well…it's a really long story."

--

A tissue box was being passed around the room as JD finally came to a close. Dr. Cox had stayed in bed with JD the entire time, holding his hand all the way through. While he remained the only individual whose face remained dry throughout the story, his grip on the young intern had gotten tighter as the familiar account progressed; his jaw clenching at the parts that had been hardest for him to hear.

Turk, who was seated next to Carla on one side of JD's bed, was shaking his head in disbelief; disgust over what had happened to his best friend evident in his misty, brown eyes. Carla had taken her boyfriend's hand midway through, closing her eyes as silent tears trailed freely down her cheeks. Elliot, who sat on the other side of JD's bed, didn't seem to mind her mascara covered skin as she gave her nose another solid blow, her sobs having gotten so loud at one point that JD had actually stopped just to make sure she was okay. And then there was Dan. He had come in midway through his brother's recollection, though the expression he wore upon entering made it apparent to all who saw him that he had been listening in from outside the door. He'd quietly taken a seat, head bowed slightly and fists clenched in obvious restraint.

JD didn't cry nearly as hard as he had the first time, though to say he didn't choke up at all would have been a lie. He accepted the tissue that was suddenly handed to him by Dr. Cox with gratitude, taking it quickly and blowing his nose. "I'm sorry," he continued after another moment of sniffles from both him and the room's various occupants. "I'm sorry it took me this long to tell you guys. I just…I didn't know how you'd react. I mean, you guys save people almost every day, and I…well, I did the opposite. I just…I didn't know how to tell you. I'm still sort of waiting for the zombie patients to come out and eat me."

It was the first time since about midway through JD's story that everyone managed to look up at him. Instantly, the brunet blushed, his gaze turning back to his lap in awkward silence. "Never mind…"

It was a while before anyone said anything, but when the silence was finally broken, it was Carla who did it first. "I can't even imagine what I would have done if that happened to me and Marco…"

JD looked up from playing with the worn sheet, the comment having confused him. "'Marco?'"

The nurse nodded silently. "Marco's my brother."

The brunet gawked at her a little; the information being the second time in less than an hour that he had found out about someone close to him having a sibling.

"Tell me about it," Turk added then. "What if that had been me and Kevin?"

"Or me and Barry?"

JD shook his head, trying to gather his thoughts. Kevin. Barry. Both Turk and Elliot had mentioned their brothers before. How had he allowed himself to forget that? And now Carla and Perry… "So wait," the brunet started up again, "Everyone in here…everyone in here has a brother? A sibling?"

The room's occupants nodded, and JD really wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or to cry. All this time…he'd struggled so much as to whether or not he should tell them, having forgotten, or having simply not known, that they all shared one very common factor that allowed them to understand and connect on more than just their already very strong friendship.

"So, um…JD?"

The intern turned to Elliot, eyebrows drawn together in worry by her hesitance. "Yeah?"

"What do we call you now…? Your real name is John Doris, right? Should we just keep calling you JD?"

"Actually, I've been thinking about that a little, and I'm…I'm thinking of getting my last name legally changed to Dorian. I just…I'm always going to associate Doris with my old life; my life as an assassin. But Dorian is when I was first allowed to be a doctor, when I first met all of you, when I first met Dr. Cox… I really want to keep it that way." The intern stopped to look at the older man sitting next to him; the eye contact having been their first exchange since JD started retelling what had happened to him eight years ago. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

Perry nodded understandingly, the look in his eyes both confident and accepting of his protégé's latest decision. "It's your name, Newbie. If it makes you happy, then I say go for it."

"And Dan?" he asked hesitantly, turning to his brother by the doorway. "Is that…would you be offended if I changed my last name?"

"Can I change it to Dorian too?"

JD smiled. "Yeah, of course."

"Then go for it. We'll just, you know…not tell mom." Dan gave JD one of his famous winks; a wink that the young intern hadn't seen for years. Smile only growing wider, JD nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

The room grew comfortably quiet, but was soon interrupted by a sharp series of knocks. To no one's surprise, Dr. Cox was the first to answer. Doing a comically quick look at everyone who was currently present, the older man turned to the door with his voice set on stun. "Considering everyone's in here who _should_ be in here, I would highly advise whoever was stupid enough to even _think_ of interrupting to leave. _Now._"

The door opened without hesitation, the person in its entrance accompanied by a sad, sweaty lawyer. "Hey, Perry. What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso. How you doin'?"

Dr. Cox just rolled his eyes. "What is it there, Back Draft? We're fairly busy at the moment."

"Ah, but therein lies why I'm here! Nurse Espinosa may be busy, but Turkleton and Dr. Reid are officially off the clock and have been for the past several hours. Since Harrison didn't leave the house wearing Enid's make up this morning, I came to work in a fairly good mood, so I've been quiet up until now. But considering both of said doctors are on call tomorrow, they need to be up and alert and ready to do their job. Not sleep deprived and looking like hell the way they do now. And Nurse Espinosa, I believe Mr. Kelly is in need of another IV bag. I think it's time we stop smashing our chicklets together and actually get some work done. Oh, and Dorian?"

JD, who had been staring at Kelso in something like that of shock, shook his head rapidly. "Yes, sir?"

"…Good to see you up, Sport."

Pictures of both Enid and Harrison flooded the young intern's memory as he looked on at the man whose life he once thought he'd be forced into taking; a man who was burdened and bitter, but thankfully, very much alive. "Thank you, Dr. Kelso."

It was then that Kelso's eyes darted quickly to Dr. Cox, who in turn quirked a curious eyebrow. "Anything left to say there, Bobcat?"

"Yeah. Go to hell."

"Right back atchya'."

When the Chief of Medicine turned around and slammed the door, JD couldn't help but notice the slight grin that Perry was wearing. "What's that all about?" he asked with a playful smile.

Carla stood up from her seat by the bed, fluffing JD's pillows while fixing Dr. Cox with a playful grin of her own. "He knows 'Go to hell,' means, 'Glad you're doing better.'"

The grin on Perry's face vanished at once. "No I don't. And no it didn't. Bob's the devil, Carla. I hate him and he hates me."

The nurse turned back to JD, the two sneaking in a quick, knowing smile, before Dr. Cox turned back to the both of them. "Anyway," Carla started up again, her tone suddenly professional. "You two are about due for some more medicine, which will obviously lead to another much needed dose of sleep."

"I'm not going back to my room."

JD tried not to smile at Perry's refusal to leave him, while Carla herself simply shook her head. "Doctors really do make the worst patients, don't they? But no, Dr. Cox, you don't have to go back to your room. You two, however, should really get back home and rest." This last part she said while facing both Turk and Elliot, who stood up and almost fell right back down; their exhaustion and stress from everything that had happened all catching up to them at once. "You can just crash at our place, Elliot. And Dan? You're more than welcome to drive home with both Turk and Elliot, if you'd like. I'm sure JD wouldn't mind letting you sleep in his room."

For a moment, all Dan could do was stare; clearly taken aback by the invite. "Johnny?" he finally managed.

JD nodded. "I don't mind. I think it's a really good idea."

The older Doris – soon to be the older Dorian – nodded appreciatively. "Thanks, Carla."

The Latina woman smiled. "Don't mention it."

After Elliot hugged both JD and Dr. Cox – the latter of the two having frozen at the contact – she left the room with Carla and Dan, allowing Turk a moment alone to wrap his arms around his Vanilla Bear protectively, the two sharing their biggest bear hug to date.

"When I ran up to that roof and saw you on the ground…"

"It's okay, Turk, I know. Thank you. Thank you so much. For everything you've done, for just being there…thank you."

"Just don't leave after all of this, alright?"

JD nodded vigorously. "I plan on staying here for as long as humanly possible, Turk, trust me. That is one thing you definitely do not have to worry about."

The two pulled away from each other, smiling from ear to ear. Cox, who had turned away to give them their much needed moment, turned back when he felt the surgeon's gaze set on him. "What is it, Gandhi?"

It took him a moment, but when Turk finally said what it was he wanted to say, the message was short and to the point; a message that he conveyed in such a way that would let Perry understand what he was trying to say without making him feel uncomfortable. "You're not a real jackass. Just thought I'd let you know."

The meaning there resonated with Dr. Cox at once, who extended his arm in order to properly shake the young surgeon's hand. "And your brain isn't as small as the usual surgeon's."

"Your damn right it's not," he replied with a small grin.

Turk turned back to JD then, allowing themselves another strong bear hug before leaving to find both Elliot and Dan, making JD and Dr. Cox the room's only occupants.

It was a while before either of them said anything, until finally, JD yawned. "I think I'll be out even before Carla comes back to pump us up with drugs."

Dr. Cox smiled; a smile that JD noticed seemed fairly tired as well. "I hear you, Newbie."

Without so much as another word, the older man slid back down into a comfortable lying position on the bed, carrying JD along with him. The two doctors rolled over onto their sides; the Irishman making sure to position himself so that he was laying comfortably against JD's back. Slowly, lovingly, Dr. Cox bent down, pressing his face against the back of JD's neck.

The brunet gasped softly. He wasn't surprised at the contact in and of itself, but how intentional it had been. "You usually only do that in your sleep," JD whispered.

"So you've told me."

"So then why now?"

It was this question that made Dr. Cox pause. Quietly, he propped himself up; his good arm supporting his weight as he reached out to bring JD in closer, turning him over so that their eyes connected without strain. "'Why now?'" he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. "Why not?"

JD didn't ask any more questions as Perry's lips connected with his own, nor did he pay much attention to the heart monitor that picked up speed beside where they lay; limbs entangled. The man that kissed him now was the man that JD knew he would be spending the rest of his life with; no questions asked. Okay, so maybe there'd be a few questions. Questions like, "Where should we live? Is it time to buy a house? Do you want a little dog or a big dog? Have you ever thought of kids?" But the one thing JD knew for sure as Dr. Cox pulled away to stare into the eyes of the former assassin was this: No matter the answer to any of their questions, JD and Dr. Cox were desperately and unquestionably in love, and if they survived all that they had survived so far, then they could survive anything; come what may.

_**A/N:**__ You guys have been wonderful; from the beginning to the end. I hope you enjoyed the ending and this story as a whole, I really do. Thank you once again for your amazing feedback and support, and thank you, sincerely, for tuning in for the last three months to follow me on this crazy, assassin-related adventure. Until next time!_


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